Homestar Runner Wiki Forum :: View topic

I totally disagree with you. You made me sad, and angry at you. Unlike the pokemon thing, you were constantly bashing everyone on the website. I think that you hate Homestar Runner and are here to annoy us all, who look to this cartoon to make us laugh and relax. I may be wrong, and you may love Homestar Runner, and may just be saying this for fun. If that is true, I'm sorry for saying this. But chances are that I am correct, and if I am, go away.

I totally disagree with you. You made me sad, and angry at you. Unlike the pokemon thing, you were constantly bashing everyone on the website.

I may be wrong, and you may love Homestar Runner, and may just be saying this for fun. If that is true, I'm sorry for saying this.

M-M-M-M-MASTER TROLL

Hey Ramrod, BTG, other oldbies...

Didn't we once have someone actually write some huge giant thesis on Homestar back in the old days?

This reminded me of that.

Author:	Goldstar Plumber [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:06 am ]
Post subject:	The Truth.
Well, since it didn't fly on the Wiki itself, (seriously people, it's not still the 31st of March EVERYWHERE) maybe it'll be more appreciated here. Let us take a closer look at the denizens of the HR universe. Although their antics often initially seem harmless and amusing, a mindful viewer can see beyond the cheery, colourful exterior and bear witness to the acres of torment that lie within. Rather than a long and winding block of prose, we shall go character by character, studying each in turn and observing any relevant relationships between them as we go. Homestar Runner: Some folks say he’s a terrific athlete. Presumably some others do not. Regardless, Homestar is the face of the site. His name is in the title. In fact, his name is* the title. Homestar is the mascot, the poster child, the man in front. And he is no more than that. It might be more accurate to call Homestar a figurehead. Certainly the site’s named after him and he could loosely be considered a “protagonist”, but his actual level of importance is minimal at best. He appears mostly just for the sake of being there, because if you have a place called Homestar Runner with a character called Homestar Runner, it’s generally expected that that character will show up regularly. As is evidenced in the “First time here?” video, Homestar is well aware of his status. (He openly agrees that Strong Bad is the “real” reason viewers have come to the site.) However, what might be less obvious is that he is not at all pleased about it. It is a commonly held belief that Homestar is a bumbling moron. This couldn’t be further from the truth. His stupidity is a mere façade that conceals a clever, if not outright devious mind. What the initial cause of this behaviour was is unclear. It was certainly nowhere near as blatantly done initially. Perhaps it merely acted as a convenient excuse for Homestar to fall back on after committing a faux pas or making some other mistake. However, what causes the behaviour to continue is more than obvious; Homestar is desperately trying to reclaim the spotlight from his archrival, Strong Bad. After he lost the initial race for power, he became set in the belief that his personality was uninteresting, and as such he started to maintain his pretence of idiocy 24/7, hiding his true colours from the world. Sadly, this did nothing to improve his situation. In fact, as time went on it actually became worse, and he faded further and further into the background. He attempts to this day to compensate for this by making his stupidity even more pronounced, often crossing the boundary into outright madness, but all to no avail. This has been going on for years, and Homestar has been steadily becoming more and more depressed at his consistent failure. The strain on his mind is beginning to take its toll, with Homestar erupting into tearful hysterics with very little provocation. In fact, it may not be long at all before the “act” becomes authentic, should Homestar abandon hope altogether and genuinely begin to lose his grip on reality…if this isn’t already happening. Strong Bad: In an interesting contrast to Homestar, Strong Bad has great difficulty coping with the stress of being, for the most part, the true focus of the site. He has taken the need to please his fans to an unhealthy extreme, going to great and sometimes self-destructive lengths to give his viewers what they want. He has become so obsessed that he has largely abandoned his social life and other activities in general in favour of religiously checking his emails and composing lengthy and elaborate responses to simple questions. The extent of this could not have been made more clear when he experienced a nervous breakdown at the sudden loss of his computer, the sheer horror of being denied access to his thousands of fan emails proving too much for him to take. Strong Bad himself has openly stated that he would be checking emails until the day he died. Morbid, perhaps, but nevertheless a prediction that is likely to carry more far more truth than he may have realised, should he continue on his current path. Marzipan: Marzipan has been taken in by Homestar’s “stupidity” more than any other character, with the most tragic results. Like all women, Marzipan experienced a period in her life in which she found herself hopelessly infatuated with a young, energetic jock with all the social graces of a wild boar with a severe gastrointestinal disorder, and intelligence on par with most single-celled organisms. His name was Homestar. Unfortunately, this turned out to be much more the case than she had bargained for. (Or so it seemed, at least.) Marzipan has become completely disenchanted with her relationship with Homestar, openly expressing irritation and anger at his behaviour, breaking up with him more than once, and even going so far as to date other men with his full knowledge. However, because she has been completely fooled by his act, she is under the impression that Homestar is mentally handicapped. She is also under the impression that she is the only thing of importance in his life (and although this may well be true, her belief has nothing to do with any keen observation on her part and everything to do with her vastly inflated sense of self-worth, which is largely due to her having been approached romantically to some extent by almost all of the other characters.) So although at this point she bears no love for Homestar by any means, she nevertheless continues to stay with him as an act of “charity”, and because she knows she would feel bad if he, being the hopeless retard she thinks he is, was unable to cope with being left on his own and ended up doing something terrible. No matter how many times she might give up, no matter how many times she has him walk out the door, eventually the guilt becomes too much to bear and she is driven back into his invisible arms once more. Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that even if she ever does come to develop feelings for her “boyfriend”, they will be for a lie; a mere mask of a man that should never have been. It is even possible that Homestar, being the cunning cur that he (actually) is, has realised that his act is what keeps bringing her back, and is deliberately manipulating her for his own ends, whatever they may be. The Cheat: Possibly the most overt case of Stockholm Syndrome on record, (even more so than the original incident in Sweden that gave the condition its name) the Cheat is always ready to remain loyally at Strong Bad’s side despite being mistreated, oppressed, and kicked away like an empty soup can time and time again. If they were a married couple (and if the Cheat were female…you never know), this would be a textbook example of a violent, drunkard husband and his long-suffering wife. The husband downs a few too many Cold Ones, shouts at, beats or otherwise abuses his wife, causing them to become temporarily estranged, then deeply regrets it (or pretends to) after becoming sober and apologises profusely, which his wife accepts. She then returns to him, only to have the process repeat itself all over again. At the least, the Cheat has become apathetic towards his role as a battered slave, merely accepting it as his lot in life and having neither the inclination nor the power to overcome his submission to Strong Bad‘s will. At most, he has actually come to enjoy the treatment he receives. The most likely scenario is that he is in a transition period between these two stages, his mind and body slowly becoming more and more masochistic as a means of dealing with the perpetual drudgery and pain. Strong Mad: Strong Mad is perhaps the only character even close to being content, because he’s too childishly simple to be anything but. However, while Strong Mad himself may be innocent, the same can rarely, if ever, be said of incidents involving him. He is openly used by other characters, most often Strong Bad and The Cheat, as “muscle”, shamelessly exploiting his naiveté to put him towards violent, criminal ends. Although he was once a gentle giant who simply lacked the strength of will to ignore the urgings of his callous taskmasters, a life of perpetual brutality has corrupted him, and he has come to relish the act of “breaking stuff.” One can only hope that his mind has already developed as far as it is going to, because if not, he will likely remain sadistic and ruthless even as he grows more intelligent and wise, slowly transforming into a truly monstrous individual delighting in all the evils of the world. Strong Sad: Strong Sad hardly even warrants a second look; his issues are as plain as day. He’s extremely socially awkward, he is routinely beaten and otherwise abused by his family, he’s a stalker, and of course, he’s clinically depressed. You would be too if you knew there were people out there looking to cut your feet off. That sentence might seem comical at first, but put yourself in his shoes (pardon the pun) for a moment and realise the full horror of that situation. PEOPLE ARE OPENLY CONSPIRING TO SEVER YOUR FEET, AS YOU LIVE AND BREATHE, AND TAKE THEM FROM YOU. Video and photographic evidence suggests that, at one point, Strong Bad and Strong Sad were far less dysfunctional as brothers, and indeed, quite fond of each other. However, as time went on, things changed. Perhaps they simply drifted apart at first, but mere indifference became dislike, then became outright hatred. Strong Bad’s obsessive need to satisfy his fans likely played a part in this; if not directly turning him away from his once dear brother, then at least causing him to begin mistreating him as a means of “crowd pleasing.” Strong Bad, being the more assertive and confident of the two, was able to turn the third sibling, Strong Mad, against him as well, and suddenly Strong Sad found himself without a soul in the world to turn to. As many would in this situation, he became even more reclusive and introverted than he already was, and gradually slumped into a black depression that continues to grip him to this day. His life, however, reached something of a turning point when a new development in popular culture became apparent. Suddenly, it was cool to be depressed and socially awkward. It meant you were “different”. It meant you were mysterious and intriguing, and probably highly artistically inclined. It meant you were EMO. Naturally, Strong Sad pounced on this opportunity like a hungry tiger upon a fat, limping gazelle, tearing out its throat and savouring as much meat as he dared gorge himself upon. It has been the first chance at acceptance he has received in a long, long time, and it may finally pave the path to happiness for him. Even if this is so, however, it will be happiness obtained in the most awful way imaginable; happiness in misery and self-loathing. Coach Z: Despite the fact that they rarely associate with each other, Coach Z suffers from many of the same issues as Strong Sad. However, unlike Strong Sad, Coach Z takes refuge in audacity, making his problems so ludicrously prominent as to be mostly overlooked by the casual observer, and even seen to be strangely endearing in some cases. However, all one has to do is view him from an objective, unbiased standpoint to see what a sad and depraved individual Coach Z truly is. He is homeless. He sleeps on a bench in a locker room. He has a multitude of health problems resulting from extremely poor personal hygiene (despite regularly being in close proximity to a shower room), the aforementioned bench-sleeping, and general disregard for the state of his body. He’s a stalker (as well.). He’s gender-confused. He likes to touch young boys inappropriately. He’s a white rapper. The list goes on, and quite frankly, it speaks for itself. Bubs: Bubs is so obviously involved in illicit and shady dealings that I scarcely even need to go into the matter, not least of which includes human organ trafficking. Bubs also bears an intense hatred towards Strong Bad, as we can deduce from the fact that he leaps at the first excuse he gets to destroy his computer. By and large, however, he keeps this enmity hidden for fear of alienating people; it never looks good when one openly despises someone who is arguably the most “popular” of their group. Although he manages this fairly well, sometimes his frustration and rage boil over, causing him to lash out at innocent seagulls, the mentally handicapped and even his long-time comrade, Coach Z. Pom Pom: At first glance, Pom Pom seems to have it all. He’s a wealthy and successful professional, he has a huge cadre of young and attractive women who adore him, he’s on friendly terms with all the other characters and he possesses mad ninja fighting skills. He’s got a great life, right? Well, he certainly would if any of it was actually true. In actual fact, it’s all a lie. (Except for the ninja skills. You can’t fake those.) A careful observer will take note of the fact that he is never actually seen with any of the women he supposedly reels in every day. (With one exception, (it's an easter egg) but that was at a party and they weren’t necessarily there to see him.) He only implies that he is speaking to them on his cellphone. Furthermore, he quite often expresses frustration with (and abandons) his colleagues, particularly his “best friend” Homestar, whom he often seems quite incapable of putting up with. He is also prone to being extremely foul-tempered, and with an equally foul mouth to boot. The reason for all this? Pom Pom, having emigrated from the Isle of Pom, was subjected to horrendous racial prejudice and abuse upon his arrival in Free Country, USA. However, with no means to return to his homeland, and little respite to be found elsewhere, he was forced to make the most of his situation and, one way or another, gain acceptance from those who hated him. He accomplished this by creating the façade detailed above, giving the impression of being the ultimate alpha male; powerful, popular, sexy and everything that most of the other characters aspired to be. This earned him enough respect for the animosity to abate, and in fact turned his situation around entirely, with everyone suddenly clamouring to become his friend (although make no mistake; if any of them are friends, they are of the fair-weather variety.) Nevertheless, Pom Pom is not one to forget being crossed, and bears a bitter, venomous grudge against all who have wronged him to this day. However, his fear of being ostracized once more overshadows his boiling desire for revenge, and so he is forced to simply maintain the illusion he has created while struggling to keep his anger in check. The King of Town: You might wonder what could be said about the King of Town that wouldn’t simply be stating the obvious. He’s a sad and lonely old man, seeking nothing more than to be appreciated, who finds solace only in food. What else is there to point out? Well, further secrets may be brought to light by looking at his weight. Given the inordinate amount of food he consumes, one would fully expect him to be obese…and he is. But he never seems to get any more obese, even though he really should. Since his initial descent, his overall girth has remained more or less constant. How can this be so? The answer, as you might already have begun to suspect, is bulimia. On numerous occasions, the King of Town has been seen to consume items that are decidedly not edible, including deodorant cakes, salt (although salt is technically edible, it should not be consumed in such great quantities) and even fecal matter. Given that he has no arms, and therefore is incapable of performing the fingers-down-the-throat manoeuvre, the KOT must resort to eating substances that produce a strong gag reflex in order to cause himself to vomit. The reason for this is that he is torn between the need to earn acceptance and his addiction to overeating. Although he eats to ease his sorrows, he also wishes to return to his thin, healthier-looking build, and so always attempts to bring the food back up immediately after finishing it. However, his tolerance for foul-tasting items is such that his methods are not always effective, and this combined with the enormous degree to which he does overeat means that he is never successful in losing any weight. Until he can overcome either his habit or his depression, the King of Town will be forever trapped in an endless cycle of food and bile, cursed to remain a sickly outcast for the remainder of his life. The Poopsmith: The Poopsmith is an inscrutable individual, his past shrouded in mystery. We may never know what manner of trauma he experienced that caused him to forever swear off the spoken word and resign himself to a life of shovelling excrement. What we do know is that, like the King of Town, he is a torn and tormented man. Having had a long history of loyal and diligent work for the King of Town, the Poopsmith began to care for him deeply, and was anguished when he discovered the downward spiral that his beloved employer had found himself upon. He wants nothing more than to comfort the King of Town and help him escape his miserable situation, but he also has a deep-rooted sense of personal integrity that he values above all else, and thus he cannot bring himself to break the oath of silence he swore. He must therefore simply remain on the sidelines, relocating crap as required and hoping the vain hope that the King of Town will be able to rectify himself without any outside assistance. Homsar: Unlike his taller, slimmer, counterpart, Homsar actually does suffer from a serious mental handicap. This is just as well, because otherwise he’d probably be even more miserable than Homestar is. While Homestar is nothing more than a shallow front man of little real significance, Homsar has it even worse in that he’s nothing more than a disfigured parody of someone who is nothing more than a shallow front man of little real significance. What’s more, he was created solely as the result of a trivial accident borne of sheer negligence, the failure of one particular viewer to proofread his email before submitting it to Strong Bad. Being told that the only reason you exist is because your parents made a careless mistake is bad enough, but imagine being told that the only reason you exist is because of a spelling error. Whatever Homsar does, he loses. He can either remain blissfully ignorant of his situation at the cost of most of his mental faculties, or he can be fully sane and intelligent at the price of being forever crushed at the realisation of just how pathetic his lot in life is.

Author:	gino [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Let me guess, you read this on the pokemon thread? I totally disagree with you. You made me sad, and angry at you. Unlike the pokemon thing, you were constantly bashing everyone on the website. I think that you hate Homestar Runner and are here to annoy us all, who look to this cartoon to make us laugh and relax. I may be wrong, and you may love Homestar Runner, and may just be saying this for fun. If that is true, I'm sorry for saying this. But chances are that I am correct, and if I am, go away.

Author:	Goldstar Plumber [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Nope. I don't even know which thread you're referring to. This is entirely my own work.

Author:	Shwoo [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
HAHAHAHA that's awesome! I really enjoyed reading it. Made me laugh. Thanks! Quote: I totally disagree with you. You made me sad, and angry at you. Unlike the pokemon thing, you were constantly bashing everyone on the website. I think that you hate Homestar Runner and are here to annoy us all, who look to this cartoon to make us laugh and relax. I may be wrong, and you may love Homestar Runner, and may just be saying this for fun. If that is true, I'm sorry for saying this. But chances are that I am correct, and if I am, go away. It's clearly not serious.

Author:	Goldstar Plumber [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:34 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
gino wrote: I totally disagree with you. You made me sad, and angry at you. Unlike the pokemon thing, you were constantly bashing everyone on the website. Say what? How did I bash anyone? I've never even been here before, dude. Relax. It's just a bit of harmless humour. I'm well aware that most of what I wrote isn't actually "The Truth" in any way. OR IS IT?

Homestar Runner Wiki Forum http://forum.hrwiki.org/

The Truth. http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=13813	Page 1 of 1

Author:	gino [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:46 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Didn't you read when I said gino wrote: I may be wrong, and you may love Homestar Runner, and may just be saying this for fun. If that is true, I'm sorry for saying this. Because I said that, so, ya, humor, funny. I was just covering both possibilities. People who know me I.E. none of you know that I this, so sorry. Edit: oh, and welcome to the forum. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot.

Author:	Potates [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:24 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Welcome to the forums, and awesome first post.

Author:	extremejon09 [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
M-M-M-M-MASTER TROLL

Author:	CaptainPastHisPrime [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:43 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Eentelestink. But I think you kinda hurt some people's feelings here with that post up there (no offense).

Author:	Groovy Dudette [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:12 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
HA! APRIL FOOLS to you too! Welcome, welcome

Author:	Ingiald [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:35 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Best first post ever? Best first post ever.

Author:	Beyond the Grave [ Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
extremejon09 wrote: M-M-M-M-MASTER TROLL A-A-A-A-APRIL FOOLS!

Author:	Checkot Fige [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:20 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
This is the most beautiful thing ever created by man. :') Plz to be having my babies.

Author:	iand93 [ Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
That was the longest post I've ever read (besides the Nate the snake thing). And quite possibly the best. Nice work.

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Author:	Choc-o-Lardiac Arrest [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
tl:dr

Author:	absolutelynothing [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 9:13 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
This is the part that makes your face implode.

Author:	bwave [ Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
The truth is that marzipan is a lesbian in a world of guys. Just like the cheat.

Author:	Shwoo [ Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
How is The Cheat a lesbian?

Author:	Acekirby [ Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:27 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Hey Ramrod, BTG, other oldbies... Didn't we once have someone actually write some huge giant thesis on Homestar back in the old days? This reminded me of that.

Author:	Ju Ju Master [ Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Probably. I think we've had a few of those.

Author:	DS_Kid [ Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:37 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
That was odd, yet incredibly cool. Acekirby wrote: Hey Ramrod, BTG, other oldbies... Didn't we once have someone actually write some huge giant thesis on Homestar back in the old days? This reminded me of that. I don't remember something as in-depth as this, unless it was before even my time.

Author:	courtneydax [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:52 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaang! Someone should seriously send that to TBC! That would be the greatest thing ever! I'm very relieved that you're joking because Homsar deserves more respect than what you gave him! Grrrrrrr(jk!)! .....Best first post ever...

Author:	Rusty [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:22 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The Truth.
Remember that guy who said there was going to be a HR movie when there wasn't but he was a huge jerk kinda