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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:12 am 
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Ju Ju Master wrote:
I heard stories of a teacher at my school throwing a desk, but I wasn't in the room to see it and I forget who or how valid my sources were.
Whoa, that sounds awesome.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:14 am 
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This girl totally peed herself in one of my classes last year after the teacher wouldn't let her go to the restroom.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:14 am 
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Oh yeah, some guy at the high school I just got into ***


EDIT: This has been deemed inappropriate for this forum. Please refrain from stuff like this.

- D

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:18 am 
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That is screwed up and funny at the same time.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:22 am 
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There was this one kid a few years ago at my school who engaged in, uh, lewd activities with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the boys' bathroom.

Note that this is just old middle school lore, yet some truth may exist in it.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:23 am 
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November 15, 2007
VIA EXPRESS MAIL AND EMAIL
Attn: Richard Kyanka
webmaster@somethingawful.com
RE:
Infringement of ASSASSIN’S CREED Mark and Jade Raymond’s Personal, Privacy, and Publicity Rights

Dear Mr. Kyanka:

We are counsel to Ubisoft Entertainment S.A. (“Ubisoft”), publisher of the popular video game ASSASSIN’S CREED and employer of Ms. Jade Raymond (“Ms. Raymond”). Ubisoft is also the owner of the following U.S. trademark applications for the ASSASSIN’S CREED mark (the “Mark”): Serial No. 78850944; Serial No. 78866696; and Serial No. 78850968. In consequence of Ubisoft’s extensive efforts and expenditures, substantial goodwill has been built up for Ubisoft and the products and services sold under the Mark, and the ASSASSIN’S CREED game is one of the most widely anticipated games of the year.

Ubisoft has recently learned that the extremely offensive pornographic image (the “Image”) accessible at [link removed], a copy of which is attached hereto, is being used on your website located at http://www.somethingawful.com and/or other related sites, including, but not limited to, http://forums.somethingawful.com (collectively, the “Site”). Such Image and misuse of the ASSASSIN’S CREED mark constitute trademark infringement, dilution, and unfair competition in violation of common law trademark rights, the Lanham Act, 15 U.S.C. §§1125(a) and 1125(c), and state law.

Furthermore, the Image’s blatant, vile, and unauthorized misappropriation of Ms. Raymond’s name and likeness, and your conduct in using the Image on your Site, have caused immeasurable harm to Ms. Raymond’s reputation and career, and constitute an egregious infringement of Ms. Raymond’s personal rights and privacy rights. The Image and your conduct also constitute an egregious unauthorized commercial exploitation of Ms. Raymond’s rights of publicity in violation of, without limitation, her common law rights of publicity and California Civil Code §3344, which provides in relevant part:

“Any person who knowingly uses another’s name, .., photograph, or likeness, in any manner, on or in products, merchandise, or goods, or for purposes of advertising or selling, or soliciting purchases of, products, merchandise, goods or services, without such person’s prior consent…shall be liable for any damages sustained by the person or persons injured as a result thereof.”

It is well established that a person who commercially exploits the name or likeness of someone without their consent is liable for all of the damages caused thereby. Additionally, the Image and your conduct in using the Image on the Site constitute unfair business practices and false advertising in violation of the California Business and Professions Code; intentional infliction of emotional distress; a violation of the Lanham Act, 15 U.S.C. §1125(a); and harassment, which is a criminal offense.

Please also note that any failure to comply with applicable privacy laws may result in direct action against you by the Federal Trade Commission, in addition to other litigation.

Ubisoft hereby demands that you immediately: (1) permanently remove the Image from your Site, databases and servers and prevent any further uploading or display thereof; (2) permanently cease and desist all unauthorized use and hosting of images using the ASSASSIN’S CREED mark and Ms. Raymond’s name and/or likeness; (3) provide us with the name and contact information of the person who originally created and/or posted the Image; and (4) complete, execute, and return to me the enclosed Declaration by November 16, 2007 to confirm that you are complying with Ubisoft’s demand.

While Ubisoft hopes to resolve this matter quickly and without resort to further legal action, Ubisoft reserves all rights to seek appropriate legal relief, including attorneys’ fees, injunctive relief, statutory damages, costs, and enhanced damages.

Sincerely,

David Anderson
for Nixon Peabody LLP

Dave Anderson
Nixon Peabody LLP
555 West 5th Street, 46th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90013
(t) 213-629-6095
(f) 866-532-8491
dlanderson@nixonpeabody.com

From: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (webmaster@somethingawful.com)
Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2007 9:06 PM
To: 'Anderson, David'
Cc: A BUNCH OF FRENCHIES
Subject: RE: NOTICE: Infringement of ASSASSIN'S CREED Mark and Jade Raymond's Personal, Privacy, and Publicity Rights

Please let it be known that hereforth I have read the express mail and email sent thereforth by Famous Lawyer David Anderson of the Famous Lawyer Law Business of Nixon Peabody LLP, and furthermore a declaration shall be expressed on the part of Internet User Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka that thatforth herethrough I have conducted rigorous tests implemented through a vigorous barrage of legal studies, and furthermore hitherthrough these rigorous tests have therefore proven Famous Lawyer David Anderson of the Famous Lawyer Law Business of Nixon Peabody LLP shall be recognized as a man of the cigarette persuasion.

Pursuant to the United Dairy Council

Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka
Internet

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:25 am 
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HipHoppityFrogOfValue wrote:
There was this one kid a few years ago at my school who engaged in, uh, lewd activities with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the boys' bathroom.

Note that this is just old middle school lore, yet some truth may exist in it.


AMERICAN SANDWICH
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:37 am 
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Lawl at Duece.

I just finished watching the whole of Mr.Sprinkles again.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:51 am 
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Duecex2 wrote:
Oh yeah, some guy at the high school I just got

OH MY GOD I TOTALLY HEARD ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!

People were talking about going to go to your football games and chanting Hidden Valley...

totpwhatever


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:55 am 
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Oh, man, I know. Hilarious stuff.

EDIT: Oh wait, it seems it happened at Wheaton North. Darnit.

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Last edited by Duecex2 on Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:56 am 
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I agree. Comedy gold.


*waits for Somm-1 to protest at this*

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:58 am 
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Oh hay, I saw that on the news.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:00 am 
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"In late 2006, Wheaton North received publicity from local TV news stations and Internet sites after student Marco Castro was accused of ejaculating into a vat of ranch salad dressing in the cafeteria. The allegations were proven and the school "[took] very severe measures against this student." The teenager was sentenced to 120 hours of community service with an AIDS organization and ordered to pay a $750 fine. He was also ordered to attend counseling, write a letter of apology to the high school, and enroll in college (though expelled from school, Castro had amassed enough credits to graduate). Castro will be eligible to have the misdemeanor convictions expunged from his record if he stays out of trouble for two years."

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:03 am 
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I think they should have just made him eat the dressing, then take one kick to the junk from every student in the school.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:07 am 
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There was an Epic raid going on on 4chan. Another one of those Battletoads things where they call in a gamestop and ask to reserve a copy.

Well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone.

Remember how I told you all of that classic video games store down the street that caters to furries? Well, I got their number, posted it several times and told them to ask for Marco.

Lulz ensued as the store was Raided and other tards were trolled when they found out that this store Actually HAD Battletoads.

So I did two great things today: I raided a store that caters to furs, and I helped out the War Effort.

Hail to the King baby!

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:08 am 
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Choc-o-Lardiac Arrest wrote:

Hail to the King baby!


Greatest movie line ever?

I would say so.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:15 am 
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Choc-o-Lardiac Arrest wrote:
There was an Epic raid going on on 4chan. Another one of those Battletoads things where they call in a gamestop and ask to reserve a copy.

Well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone.

Remember how I told you all of that classic video games store down the street that caters to furries? Well, I got their number, posted it several times and told them to ask for Marco.

Lulz ensued as the store was Raided and other tards were trolled when they found out that this store Actually HAD Battletoads.

So I did two great things today: I raided a store that caters to furs, and I helped out the War Effort.

Hail to the King baby!

That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.
That's so far from epic, it doesn't even register.
Even calling a smoke shop and asking if they have Prince Albert in a can would be closer to registering.

However, your "Hail to the king, baby" brings you back from the fail trail.

Zeno is right. It is one of the best lines ever. Then again, what has Bruce Campbell said that ISN'T the best line ever?

He could say "I tied my shoe" and it'd be awesome.

I'm not sure, but I think the chin has something to do with it.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:16 am 
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Battletoads. lol.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:18 am 
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Duecex2 wrote:
Battletoads. lol.

Don't tell me they're soiling the name of Battletoads.

That was one of the best games ever.
I was the only person in my group that could get past the motorcycle/jetbike/whateverthosethingswere stage.

Is nothing sacred?

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:20 am 
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put me out of my misery

i'd do it for you

would you do it for me

we will always be busy

making misery

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:22 am 
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Duecex2 wrote:
put me out of my misery

i'd do it for you

would you do it for me

we will always be busy

making misery

I wanted to hug Kevin Smith for using that song at the end of Clerks II.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:25 am 
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I also wanted to hug him for putting 1979 in Clerks II.

EDIT: While I'm on the subject of said film, Clerks II is the only film in recent memory that has made me cry. Seriously, whenever I see the jail scene, I'm brought to tears.

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Last edited by Duecex2 on Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:27 am 
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StrongRad wrote:
I think they should have just made him eat the dressing, then take one kick to the junk from every student in the school.
Oh God, that's great. 120 hours of crotch kicks.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:48 am 
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ChickenLeg wrote:
Is it just me, or does Tenerance Love in Chekt's avatar look similar to The Professor Brothers, Baby Face, etc.?

That was exactly my first thought when I saw that av before seeing the Coach Z/Peacy P video.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 5:24 am 
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I'M INEBRIATED AGIAN, EVERYONE. I had five beers (Budweiser, it was much tastier than the James Ready 5.5 I'm used to) and a couple shots of Jack Daniel's. I got durnk with the sketchiest people in the world. We walked for two hours in the frozen tundra to find a place to drink, and they lit a fire to keep us warm. Blah. We got pizza and cookies though, it was all good.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 5:40 am 
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MikeMcG wrote:
I'M INEBRIATED AGIAN, EVERYONE. I had five beers (Budweiser, it was much tastier than the James Ready 5.5 I'm used to) and a couple shots of Jack Daniel's. I got durnk with the sketchiest people in the world. We walked for two hours in the frozen tundra to find a place to drink, and they lit a fire to keep us warm. Blah. We got pizza and cookies though, it was all good.
I bet you feel cool for getting drunk and coming on the intertnet huh?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 5:45 am 
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Chekt wrote:
MikeMcG wrote:
I'M INEBRIATED AGIAN, EVERYONE. I had five beers (Budweiser, it was much tastier than the James Ready 5.5 I'm used to) and a couple shots of Jack Daniel's. I got durnk with the sketchiest people in the world. We walked for two hours in the frozen tundra to find a place to drink, and they lit a fire to keep us warm. Blah. We got pizza and cookies though, it was all good.
I bet you feel cool for getting drunk and coming on the intertnet huh?
Chekt, just because someone tells people on the internet that they're drunk or high doesn't mean they're saying "Oh yeah, I'm drunk right now, I'm Funk HARDCORE." Sometimes they're just looking for someone to talk to or just find an outlet and tell people that understand him all the crap going on in their lives.

Stop assuming that, jerk.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 5:45 am 
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Not really. I feel wooshy for being drunk and I feel double-wooshy for going on the internet.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 5:46 am 
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Choc-o-Lardiac Arrest wrote:
Chekt wrote:
MikeMcG wrote:
I'M INEBRIATED AGIAN, EVERYONE. I had five beers (Budweiser, it was much tastier than the James Ready 5.5 I'm used to) and a couple shots of Jack Daniel's. I got durnk with the sketchiest people in the world. We walked for two hours in the frozen tundra to find a place to drink, and they lit a fire to keep us warm. Blah. We got pizza and cookies though, it was all good.
I bet you feel cool for getting drunk and coming on the intertnet huh?
Chekt, just because someone tells people on the internet that they're drunk or high doesn't mean they're saying "Oh yeah, I'm drunk right now, I'm freaking eh HARDCORE." Sometimes they're just looking for someone to talk to or just find an outlet and tell people that understand him all the crap going on in their lives.

Stop assuming that, jerk.
lol


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 6:13 am 
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Serious inc is pissing me off right now.

And the Battletoads thing is awesome. The sheer number of misuses of the word "epic" on this forum should tell you that Sree has no idea what he is talking about.

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