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Jokes! (warning: image heavy)
http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=102		 Page 2 of 3
Author:  Clever Danielle [ Sun Jun 20, 2004 7:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
So, a boy gets an assignment from his teacher to find two words that start with the letter P. He goes home and hears his sister talking on the phone to her friend, and talking about something called Purple Passion. He goes to school the next day and tells his teacher. The teacher tells him, "Purple Passion?! That's it, you're going to the principal's office!" So, the boy goes to the principal's office and the principal says, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The principal says, "Purple Passion?! That's it, you're going home!" So the boy goes home and finds his mom there. His mom says, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office and the principal sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The mom goes, "Purple Passion?! That's it, you're going to your room!" So the boy goes to his room. His dad comes home after work and asks him, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The dad goes, "Purple Passion?! That's it, get out of the house!" So the boy goes out of the house and he finds some gangsters out on the sidewalk. The gangsters go, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The gangsters go, "Purple Passion?! That's it, we're going to beat you up!" So the gangters beat him up and kill him snd send him to the gates of Heaven. St. Peter goes, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad sent me outside, and some gangsters beat me up and sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" St. Peter goes, "Purple Passion?! That's it, ypu're going to Hell!" So the boy goes to Hell. The devil goes, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad sent me outside, and some gangsters beat me up and sent me to heaven and St. Peter sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The davil says, "Purple Passion?! That's it, you're going to the Torture Chamber!" So, the boy goes to the torture chamber and The guy running it goes, "Why are you here?" The boy goes, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad sent me outside, and some gangsters beat me up and sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" St. Peter goes, "Purple Passion?! That's it, ypu're going to Hell!" So the boy goes to Hell. The devil goes, "Why are you here?" The boy says, "Well, I got an assignment from my teacher to find two words that start with P. Then I heard my sister on the phone talking about Purple Passion. I said it to my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office, and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad sent me outside, and some gangsters beat me up and sent me to heaven and St. Peter sent me to Hell and the devil sent me here. What's Purple Passion?" The guy running the torture chamber says, "Purple Passion?! That's a 10-minute joke to annoy your friends!"

Tee-hee. I know it's not much to read, because you can skip through it, but try telling it to your friends. Hopefully, they won't try to interrupt you like most of MY friends!
Author:  Ecat [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 4:15 am ]
Post subject: 
These are my all time favorites. And they're dumb. Live with it.

A panda walks into a restaurant. He sits down, the wiater takes his order, his food comes, and he eats it. When the waiter comes to bring the panda his bill, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. Then the panda gets up to leave. The manager runs after him yelling, "Hey, you can't just shoot him! What are you doing?!?" The panda says, "I'm a panda, look it up." So the manager goes back inside, pulls out the encyclopedia and looks it up. It says, "Panda: eats chutes and leaves."

Okay, the following are told all at once.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ether. (pronounced ee-thur)
Ether, who?
Ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
An otter.
An otter who?
An otter ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
S'more.
S'more who?
S'more ether bunnies.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Earl.
Earl who?
Earl all these ether bunnies coming from?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo beep-beep, run over the ether bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, ether bunny come back next year.

This next one has no point. For it to be funny, find an unsuspecting person. Then, in utter seriousness, ask them this question. Give the answer without so much as smiling. Do this every time you remember. Eventually it will become funny. I have no idea why.

You: Ask me if I am an eggplant.
Them: Are you an eggplant?
You: No.

You can use any vegetable if you don't like eggplants.

OK, sorry. These are dumb. I know. But they're funny! :p
Author:  cyco [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 4:19 am ]
Post subject: 
wow thats scary. my brother keeps saying "guess what?!your like an eggplant!"
Author:  Dark Grapefruit [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 6:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Ecat wrote:
You: Ask me if I am an eggplant.
Them: Are you an eggplant?
You: No.


Ask me if I am a grapefruit.
Author:  furrykef [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Yo mama house so small you walk in da front door and trip over tha back fence.
Author:  Tom [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Knock-knock.
    Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
    Interrupting cow wh--
Moo!

And the sequel...

Knock-knock.
    Who's there?
Schizophrenic interrupting cow.
    Schizophrenic inter---
Meow!


Q: What's the difference between a 7-11 and a smurf?

A: A 7-11 is a 24-hour convenience store and a smurf is a small blue fictional cartoon character.
Author:  No Loafing [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
furrykef wrote:
Yo mama house so small you walk in da front door and trip over tha back fence.


NOT ALLOWED! :angry:
Author:  furrykef [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Since when?
Author:  Tom [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
furrykef wrote:
Since when?

Uh... I'm okay with it as long as they're clean and such. I think you stayed within the boundries. If you didn't, I or another mod would have edited it and left a note.

Yeah, I don't know where Nelson is coming from. Maybe it's an attempt at a joke?

Nah...
Author:  No Loafing [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Tom,
You may not know it yet but I am that Nelson guy. You might wanna post rules in the main topic message to say only G-rated jokes are allowed.
Author:  furrykef [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
If anybody posted a non-G-rated joke, it wasn't me...(I think the limerick about the "donkey" on the first page wasn't...)
Author:  InterruptorJones [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 1:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
No_loafing, nobody has posted an inappropriate joke so far. And if you read the rules, you'll see that this is already addressed.
Author:  Tom [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 1:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Tom,
No_loafing wrote:
You may not know it yet but I am that Nelson guy. You might wanna post rules in the main topic message to say only G-rated jokes are allowed.

Nelson. We mod the forum so you don't have to. Check the rules for further clarification.

furrykef wrote:
If anybody posted a non-G-rated joke, it wasn't me...(I think the limerick about the "donkey" on the first page wasn't...)

Yup, that was me. And it's a donkey. Right? If you think of anything else, that's out of my hands.
Author:  furrykef [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
What I want to know is why Nelson thought it inappropriate...
Author:  Gemini [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 5:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Because it was a your momma joke, and he's too young to take those anything but seriously.
Author:  InterruptorJones [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 6:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Okay, on with the jokes.

So Fox News and The New York Post walk into a bar---BZZZZZZZZRRTTTTTAAACKOMGWTFAPPLESAUCE!!!1111oneone.

...

Okay, everybody, have your grains of salt ready..

Quote:
One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.

Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks. Abe answers: "Go see a play."


Quote:
Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."


Quote:
Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"


:20x6:

[Cue the Clinton jokes..]
Author:  Didymus [ Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would, but the only Clinton jokes I know wouldn't be allowed on this forum. What's more, It'd be inappropriate for my line of work.
Author:  ThatGoblin [ Mon Jul 19, 2004 1:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Once upon a time there was a Homsar who was so ugly everybody died.
THE END


:goblin:
Author:  InvaderTK [ Thu Aug 05, 2004 7:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
On my next post I will post tons of images on the PWNED/0W3D/OWNED craze.
Author:  InterruptorJones [ Thu Aug 05, 2004 7:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
INVADERTK wrote:
On my next post I will post tons of images on the PWNED/0W3D/OWNED craze.


*blink* ..er, why?
Author:  InvaderTK [ Thu Aug 05, 2004 7:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's kind of a joke. Kind of. A little. Maybe.[/b]
Author:  InterruptorJones [ Thu Aug 05, 2004 8:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I know what it is, I just don't know why it's, er.. funny. Funny enough to post a bunch of images, at least. Personal prejudice, I guess.

Maybe just a link would do?
Author:  dysthymia7 [ Fri Aug 06, 2004 6:46 am ]
Post subject: 
[Removed by InterruptorJones: Funny joke, but not appropriate for this forum. Sorry.]
Author:  Stu [ Fri Aug 06, 2004 4:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
InterruptorJones wrote:
Quote:
Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."


That makes so much more sense when used against Clinton.... throw "One bill" out the window

:rolleyes: :D
Author:  racerx_is_alive [ Fri Aug 06, 2004 5:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
A play needed 12 people to dress up as clouds. 14 showed up, and it was overcast.


Ok, I heard that one on Last Comic Standing last night. I laughed more than it probably merited though.
Author:  InvaderTK [ Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Zebediah and his good friend Ezekial, two guys from the Bayou, find themselves both caught in Heaven and Zeb says to Zeke "Well the darndest thing just happ'nd t' me. It started when I came home and I just knew dat my gal was cheatin' on me, even though I checked all da cupboards, under the bed, behind the couch, everywhere. So eventually I just got mad and threw the fridge out da winda. Suddenly the cord wrapped around my ankle and pulled me out wid it."
Zeke look back at Zeb and says "Well Zeb, you dang fool! If ya just looked in da fridge we'd both still be alive!"
Author:  Swooshoman [ Sat Aug 21, 2004 11:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Two lame jokes, 'cuz I say so...

What did one Rhino say to the other?
Nothing! Rhinos can't talk!

What did one Hippo say to another?
"Too bad Rhinos can't talk!"

I actually made those up? Can you tell? (A rousing chorus of "Yes"s!)
Author:  Shopiom [ Sun Aug 22, 2004 12:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Dark Grapefruit wrote:
Ask me if I am a grapefruit.


OK. :-| Are you a grapefruit?
Author:  Shaon [ Sun Aug 22, 2004 8:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
I always do the grapefruit and a adapted version of the panda: eats shoots and leaves and the interrupting cow jokes. oh yea, ask me if I'm a grapefruit.
Author:  Tiggera [ Mon Aug 23, 2004 4:33 am ]
Post subject: 
3 jokes in 1!

*Strong Bad walks up to Pom Pom*
Strong Bad: Hey Pom Pom! What do you call Strong Sad with a peg leg?
*Pom Pom bubbles that he doesn't know*
Strong Bad: Lard on a stick! Ha ha ha!
*Pom Pom bubbles that he's heard Homestar tell better jokes*

*Strong Bad walks up to Homestar*
Strong Bad: Hey Dumpster! What do you call Strong Sad with a peg leg?
Homestar: I dunno. What?
Strong Bad: A waste of wood! Ha ha ha!
Homestar: I don't get it.

*Strong Bad walks up to Marzipan*
Strong Bad: Hey Marzipan!
Marzipan: This isn't one of your "Strong Sad with a peg leg" jokes, is it? Those aren't funny.
Strong Bad: What? No! This has nothing to do with that!
Marzipan: Well, I'm listening.
Strong Bad: Um, What's brown and crunchy on the outside, and white and creamy on the inside?
Marzipan: An Oreo?
Strong Bad: No, a cockroach! Ha ha ha!
Marzipan: That's sick.
*Marzipan walks off*
Strong Bad: Aw crap! That's the last time I buy a used joke book from Bubs.
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