Post your jokes here!
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| Jokes! (warning: image heavy) http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=102 |
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| Author: | Nelson [ Fri May 21, 2004 12:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | Jokes! (warning: image heavy) |
Post your jokes here!
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| Author: | Strong Lad [ Fri May 21, 2004 9:43 am ] |
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Here's one I made up. It sucks. Two ninjas are talking. One says: "Can you chuck a throwing star at someone from a distance of 30 feet?" The other says: "SHURIKEN!" (Sure I can!) It ain't good. but I made it up. So there. |
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| Author: | d0uglas [ Sun May 23, 2004 9:28 am ] |
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Okay, okay, here's one... There are two tomatoes in a fridge, and one turns to the other and says, "So, how's the wife," and the other goes, "OH MY GOD A TALKING TOMATO!" 
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| Author: | StrongstarRunbad [ Tue May 25, 2004 12:05 am ] |
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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" |
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| Author: | Lunar Jesty [ Tue May 25, 2004 12:35 am ] |
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Three men are working by a cliff, eating lunch. The first one says "If I get a salami sandwich again tomorrow, I'll throw myself off this cliff!" The second one says "If I get a turkey sandwich again tomorrow, I'll throw myself off this cliff!". The third one says "If I get a chicken sandwich again tomorrow, I'll throw myself off this cliff!". The next day, the men begin to eat lunch. The first man gets salami and throws himself off the cliff. The second gets turkey and throws himself off the cliff. The third man gets chicken and throws himself off the cliff. At the funeral service, the wives are greiving. The wife to the first man says "Why didn't he tell me he didn't want salami?". The wife to the second man says "Why didn't he tell me he didn't want turkey?". The wife to the third man says "He packed his own lunch." |
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| Author: | d0uglas [ Thu May 27, 2004 3:48 pm ] |
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How do you get a pikachu on a bus? Poke 'im on. |
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| Author: | TheCheatIsNotDead [ Mon May 31, 2004 8:04 pm ] |
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A boy and a skunk walk into a resturaunt. They order, and the bill is $2.00. But, the boy only has $1.99. Do they get the food? Yes, because the skunt had a scent (cent) ha,ha,ha. 
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| Author: | WagonFullOfPancakes [ Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:10 pm ] |
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ok, there is 3 men, a wizard, and a magical bridge. the wizard said if they jump off the magic bridge ans say what they wanna be, they'll turn in to it. so the first man jumps off and says, "HAWK!" he immediatly turned into a hawk and flew away. the second man jumped off and says, "SNAPPING TURTLE!" he then immediatly turned into a snapping turtle and landed in some water. some water splashed on the bridge where the 3rd man was gonna jump and he slipped getting ready to jump and he yelled, "HOLY CRAP!!!" and he turned into holy crap. --- One time there was this burglar and he was at this person front door and then he heard this voice saying "I'm gonna getcha and when i getcha im gonna eat ya!" Well the burglar was startled so he broke into the house kinda scared and when he got in the living room he heard "I'm gonna getcha and when i getcha im gonna eat ya!" Well this time he got really scared and started down the hall, once again he heard, "I'm gonna getcha and when i getcha im gonna eat ya!" He open a door, and a little boy was sitting in the corner in his romm, picking his nose saying, "I'm gonna getcha and when i getcha im gonna eat ya!" |
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| Author: | InterruptorJones [ Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:23 pm ] |
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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick! |
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| Author: | AgentSeethroo [ Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:38 pm ] |
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InterruptorJones wrote: Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick! *insert rimshot here* wow...these are horrible. |
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| Author: | InterruptorJones [ Tue Jun 01, 2004 10:40 pm ] |
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AgentSeethroo wrote: InterruptorJones wrote: Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick! *insert rimshot here* wow...these are horrible. Yeah. Have another: Q: What do vegetarian zombies eat? A: Graaaaaaaiins! Graaaaaaaaaiiiins! |
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| Author: | WagonFullOfPancakes [ Wed Jun 02, 2004 2:29 am ] |
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LOL! Good jokes I.J.! |
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| Author: | AgentSeethroo [ Wed Jun 02, 2004 3:14 pm ] |
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InterruptorJones wrote: Yeah. Have another: Q: What do vegetarian zombies eat? A: Graaaaaaaiins! Graaaaaaaaaiiiins! woah. I tried telling that to my friend, but I couldn't stop laughing..... keep 'em coming. they make good office emails. The Josh. |
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| Author: | d0uglas [ Wed Jun 02, 2004 6:22 pm ] |
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If you're American when you walk into the bathroom, and you're Canadian when you walk out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European! |
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| Author: | WagonFullOfPancakes [ Wed Jun 02, 2004 7:11 pm ] |
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What kind of criminals are ducks? Safe Quakers ----- There is 3 boys and a clerk. The boys walk in. 1st boy: I want $2 worth of jelly beans Clerk: Great, i hate having to get that ladder to get to the to shelf to get jelly beans, but i'll do it So the clerk got the jelly beans, came down, put up the ladder, and gave the jelly beans to the 1st boy. Clerk: Ok, what will you have little boy 2nd boy: I'll have $2 worth of jelly beans, too Clerk: Dang! So the clerk got the ladder went to get the jelly beans. Clerk: Wait a second. You dont want $2 worth of jelly beans too do you? 3rd boy: No sir So the clerk got down and put the ladder up. Clerk: Ok, now what do you want little one? 3rd boy: I'll have $5 worth of jelly beans! ----- BOY: This party is rotten! Let me take you home! GIRL: No thanks, I live here. ----- TEACHER: Whats the difference between 1 yard and 2 yards? BOY: A fence. ----- Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo" Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama so fat were in her right now Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn" Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky! Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side! Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps Yo mama so fat she put one toe on the beach and scared away the water ----- Thats all i got. |
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| Author: | soce,the elemental wizard [ Fri Jun 04, 2004 4:38 pm ] |
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What do you get when you cross Lassie w/ a warewolf? A dog that will kill you and then run for help. |
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| Author: | Stu [ Fri Jun 04, 2004 4:58 pm ] |
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I don't have any jokes on hand... but I do have some humerous pictures. 
Rest in peace, Ray Charles 
and two links for those of you that are bored. The first 10 million digits of pi (all on one line) A funny (yet rather large) image about hackers and you computer |
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| Author: | theramblingrampages [ Sun Jun 06, 2004 9:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | wal-mart |
walk into walmart and when something comes on over the announcments(ie: clean up on ailse 7) roll back and forth on the floor yelling "it's those voices again" |
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| Author: | InterruptorJones [ Mon Jun 07, 2004 2:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: wal-mart |
theramblingrampages wrote: walk into walmart and when something comes on over the announcments(ie: clean up on ailse 7) roll back and forth on the floor yelling "it's those voices again"
Just in case you weren't unpopular enough to begin with.. |
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| Author: | Tom [ Mon Jun 07, 2004 5:14 am ] |
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Okay, how about I mix it up with some limericks? And just in case someone doesn't know what a limerick is, here's a definition before we start. A limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. There once was a girl from Japan Whose limericks would never quite scan. When she was asked why, She would say with a sigh, "It's because I try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can." There was a young man from Peru Whose limericks would end with line two. A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes which left her quite nude Saw a man come along And unless I am wrong You expected this line to be lewd. There was a young lady named Bright Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day, in a relative way, And returned on the previous night. A lady went on a ride; she ate some green apples and died. The apples fermented inside the lamented and made cider inside her insides! I'd rather have fingers than toes. I'd rather have ears than a nose. And as for my hair, I'm glad it's all there. I'll be rather sad when it goes. There once was a girl from Madras Who had the most marvelous butt Not rounded and pink As you probably think: It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. There once was a man from the sticks, Who liked to compose limericks. But he failed at the sport For he wrote them too short. ---- Okay, so did you get all of the double entendre? |
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| Author: | lumberpeg vegeplank [ Mon Jun 07, 2004 12:34 pm ] |
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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just kiddin' about the wheels. |
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| Author: | warlordofhomsaria [ Wed Jun 09, 2004 8:34 pm ] |
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or you could take a melon into the bathroom and when you here someone comein,you make constipated noises then drop the melon into the toilet,then sigh
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| Author: | AgentSeethroo [ Wed Jun 09, 2004 10:29 pm ] |
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warlordofhomsaria wrote: or you could talk a melon into the bathroom and when you here someone comein,you make constipated noises then drop the melon into the toilet,then sigh
ooh, ooh! or you could...not. Agent. |
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| Author: | InterruptorJones [ Thu Jun 10, 2004 2:36 pm ] |
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warlordofhomsaria wrote: or you could talk a melon into the bathroom
How do you talk a melon into the bathroom? Is it anything like talking a lady into the bedroom? And how do you explain yourself if someone's already in there and sees you walk in with the melon? "Um.. I.. FLEE, MY MELON FRIEND, FLEE!" |
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| Author: | wiggidy_wacko [ Sun Jun 13, 2004 4:14 am ] |
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Warning: these are all EXTREMELY lame jokes. but i luv them Q: Whats pink and fluffy? A: Pink fluff Q:Whats blue and fluffy? A: Pink fluff...in DISGUISE! Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit There are 2 penguins in a bathtub, one at each end. the bathtub is slightly slanted. one of the penguins has the soap. it suddenly pops out of his flipper and slides down to the other penguin, who picks it up and exclaims "Hey! I'm not a toaster!" (note: that last one? not supposed to make sense) This is a whole series of jokes that go together. its more fun when you're not reading them so you can figure them out, but whatever. Q: How do you get an elephant in the refridgerator? A: Open the door, put him in, and close the door. Q: How do you get a giraffe in the refridgerator? A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door Q: The snake is having a party. he invites all the animals to come. all of them come, except one. which animal doesnt show up? A: The giraffe, he's still in the refridgerator Q: It's late at night and you're walking alone on your way home. the only way to get there is to cross a swamp. but the bridge is all torn and broken up, and there is a sign that says Danger: beware of alligators. Do you cross the bridge? A: Yes, because the alligators are at the snake's party. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a man who was walking along one day and he found a brick. Hmmm, he thought to himself, if i get more bricks to go with this one brick, i can make a fireplace for my house. so he went and got more bricks and built his fireplace. when he was finished he still had that one brick. so he got more bricks to make a chimney. but he still had that one brick. so he made a patio in the backyard. he made all these things, but still had just this one brick. this really started to make him frustrated, and he had nothing else to make, so one day he went out into the middle of a desert and threw the brick in the air. and that was the end of that. A man and a woman were on an airplane. the man was smoking a cigarette, and the women had a small dog. the dog didnt like the smoke from the cigarette, so it was barking. the man got angry and said to the women, make your dog shut up. the women explained that the dog was barking because of the man's cigarette, so she suggested he put it out if he wanted the dog to be quiet. the man refused, and said i just want the dog to shut up! and the woman again said he wont unless you put out the cigarette! they argued like this for a while, the dog was still barking, the man was still smoking, until finally the woman reached over and threw the cigarette out the window. the dog stopped barking at once, but then the man grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. as they looked out the window, they saw that the dog had landed on the wing of the plane. what was in his mouth? THE BRICK! |
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| Author: | MegaProto [ Sun Jun 13, 2004 11:03 pm ] |
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There once was a ghost, he said boo... the end |
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| Author: | wiggidy_wacko [ Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:35 am ] |
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MegaProto wrote: There once was a ghost, he said boo... the end
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! that was sooooooooo funny it just cracked me up!!!!!! thats the most hilarious thing i've ever heard!!!! wait...wait...oh yeah, no it isnt |
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| Author: | InvaderTK [ Wed Jun 16, 2004 7:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Rocky Horror Picture Show Joke |
"Frozen Meatloaf? Ewww!"-My thoughts on the character Eddie from Rocky Horror Picture Show. (You kinda have to know the movie and it's cast to get this one)  :goblin:
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| Author: | InterruptorJones [ Wed Jun 16, 2004 8:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Rocky Horror Picture Show Joke |
INVADERTK wrote: "Frozen Meatloaf? Ewww!"-My thoughts on the character Eddie from Rocky Horror Picture Show. (You kinda have to know the movie and it's cast to get this one)
:goblin:Yeah, I get it all right. But, uh.. it's not, er.. funny? |
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| Author: | cyco [ Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:09 am ] |
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whats black and white and red all over? this guys face 
what do you get when you cross this joke with the obove? wwhhaattsdbolyaocukgaentdwwhheintyeoauncdrroesdsatlhliosvjeokretwhiitshgtuhyesofbaocvee what do you get when you cross these jokes in this thread with the jokes on the laffy taffy wrappers?thier the same....hahaha. 
whats stupid?this joke. |
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