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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:38 pm 
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Acekirby wrote:
Well, there's a different way that that one's been told (still not the original 7 8 9) way that I hear all the time, but there's no way I could ever post it here. I like the direction that one went.

You should PM it to me. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:02 am 
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Nah, it's not really funny. More offensive than anything, and not really funny even if you're not offended. I'll save you the trouble of reading it.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:02 am 
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Acekirby wrote:
Nah, it's not really funny. More offensive than anything, and not really funny even if you're not offended. I'll save you the trouble of reading it.

Aw. You had me all excited.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:33 am 
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Location: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
Holmes: The murderer is in the house with the yellow door!
Watson: How do you know?
Holmes: Why, it's a lemon entry, my dear Watson!

A woman walks into a bar carrying a tiny lizard.
"I'd like two pints--one for me and one for Tiny here."
The bartender asks: "Why'd you name it Tiny?"
"Because he's my newt!"

I am aware that newts are actually amphibians.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:45 am 
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TheFacelessEvil wrote:
Acekirby wrote:
HHFOV wrote:
Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven raped your mother.

Hmmm, that's an interesting twist on that one.

My roommates loved it.

I think the KFC joke was their fav.
I'm honored. :mrgreen:

---

A black man is walking on the sidewalk.

He eyes a Caucasian woman on the other side of the street.

He averts his gaze and looks back straight ahead, going toward his destination.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:52 am 
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HHFOV wrote:
A black man is walking on the sidewalk.

He eyes a Caucasian woman on the other side of the street.

He averts his gaze and looks back straight ahead, going toward his destination.

BWA HA HA HA!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:59 am 
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There was a man, who happened to be black.

He did some normal, everyday things.

This constitutes a joke.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:02 am 
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Biscuithead wrote:
There was a man, who happened to be black.

He did some normal, everyday things.

This constitutes a joke.

Only when it's against his stereotypical blackness.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:47 am 
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A duck goes into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist, "I need some ointment for my bill, it is very chapped." The pharmacist says, "We have nothing for ducks here."

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:57 am 
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There's a conflict between three gangs. A black one, a mexican one, and a white one. There's a piece of land directly in between their territories, so they all meet up to decide who gets the land. They decided to pick their toughest guy, and shoot him with a paintball gun. Whoever could take the most shots without screaming, wins.

The white guy took 12 shots, and yelled.
The black guy took 30 shots, and yelled.
The mexican took 12, nothing.
30, nothing. When the mexicans were declared the winners, they all cheered "EL MUDO! EL MUDO! EL MUDO!"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:51 pm 
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Airplane. People are on it. Suddenly, the plane goes into a nose-dive. "We've gotta lose some weight!" exclaims the pilot. A preist steps forward and says "I'll give myself up in the name of God," and jumps off. An emo kid says "What's the point of living?!" and jumps off. A cowboy steps forward, says "Remember the Alamo!" and pushes a Mexican off.


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:58 pm 
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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Quote:
*gag* *gulp*


That joke isn't as funny if you don't say it out loud, actually.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:04 pm 
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What do you call an epileptic Jew?















Shake 'n' bake.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:05 pm 
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Time for a classic.

An old man and a little girl walk into the woods. it's about midnight, and it's really quite dark and creepy. The little girl looks up at the man and says "I'm scared". The man looks down at her and says, "You're scared? I have to walk through here alone tonight!"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:24 pm 
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Rocoramore wrote:
edit: Why can't transvestites fly?

Because they have too much drag.

I like the edited joke better, actually.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:36 pm 
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Location: I left the H*RWF. Goodbye, everybody.
Holmes and Watson are camping in the woods. Holmes wakes up, then wakes up Watson.
Holmes: Watson, you see those stars? What can you deduce from them?
Watson: Well, the stars could give off heat, like our sun. It could mean that planets near them gets enough to support life. Therefore, I deduce that life exists on other planets.
Holmes: No, you moron. Somebody stole our tent!
-----
A boy in kindergarten gets an assignment from his teacher to find out the first four letters of the alphabet. So he asks his mom "What's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up, I'm on the phone" she says. So he goes into his sister's room and asks "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" She replies "Ugh, get out of my life!" So he asks his brother "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" Being a small child, he says "Dananananananana Batman!" He goes up to his father and asks "What's the fourth letter of the alphabet?" His father was watching football and didn't here him. "49! 49! HIT 'EM HARD! HIT 'EM HARD!"
The next day, he goes to school and his teacher asks "Bobby, what are the first four letters of the alphabet?" "Shut up, I'm on the phone" he replies. "What did you just say to me?!" Then he says "Ugh, get out of my life!" "KID, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!" "Dananananananana Batman!" So the teacher calls in the principal and he says, "Kid, how many beatings do you want?" "49! 49! HIT 'EM HARD! HIT 'EM HARD!"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:39 pm 
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16_BIT_MARIO1 wrote:
A boy in kindergarten gets an assignment from his teacher to find out the first four letters of the alphabet. So he asks his mom "What's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up, I'm on the phone" she says. So he goes into his sister's room and asks "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" She replies "Ugh, get out of my life!" So he asks his brother "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" Being a small child, he says "Dananananananana Batman!" He goes up to his father and asks "What's the fourth letter of the alphabet?" His father was watching football and didn't here him. "49! 49! HIT 'EM HARD! HIT 'EM HARD!"
The next day, he goes to school and his teacher asks "Bobby, what are the first four letters of the alphabet?" "Shut up, I'm on the phone" he replies. "What did you just say to me?!" Then he says "Ugh, get out of my life!" "KID, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!" "Dananananananana Batman!" So the teacher calls in the principal and he says, "Kid, how many beatings do you want?" "49! 49! HIT 'EM HARD! HIT 'EM HARD!"


This joke is like second grade all over again. And that's because we all thought it was the funniest thing ever. Although our version was a little different.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:40 pm 
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16_BIT_MARIO1 wrote:
A boy in kindergarten gets an assignment from his teacher to find out the first four letters of the alphabet. So he asks his mom "What's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up, I'm on the phone" she says. So he goes into his sister's room and asks "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" She replies "Ugh, get out of my life!" So he asks his brother "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" Being a small child, he says "Dananananananana Batman!" He goes up to his father and asks "What's the fourth letter of the alphabet?" His father was watching football and didn't here him. "49! 49! HIT 'EM HARD! HIT 'EM HARD!"
The next day, he goes to school and his teacher asks "Bobby, what are the first four letters of the alphabet?" And he curled into a ball on the floor, began rocking back and forth, and cried the tears of a child who never knew love.

Fixed.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:33 pm 
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The Noid wrote:
16_BIT_MARIO1 wrote:
Long joke.


This joke is like second grade all over again. And that's because we all thought it was the funniest thing ever. Although our version was a little different.

Yeah, I can't remember all of it, so I improvised.

TheFacelessEvil wrote:
Fixed.

EPIC WIN.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:59 pm 
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?














Because it used to be a girl but then she was raped and killed and her body was left by the side of the road.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:54 pm 
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Two guys walk into a bar.
They had to go to the emergency room for head trauma.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:55 pm 
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A skeleton walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a mop.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:27 am 
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
He felt like it.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:52 am 
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Location: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are un-aware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of joke?"

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?"
A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

Three people of different nationalities walk into a bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting dumb

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:41 am 
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A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist are flying across the Atlantic, for different reasons. There's engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down. Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:43 am 
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Jitka wrote:
A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist are flying across the Atlantic, for different reasons. There's engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down. Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.

I don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:45 am 
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It's a play on a common joke.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:46 am 
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That's two facepalms in one day.
It's funny cuz general airplane jokes consist of that stuff but someone dies in a racist way.


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:49 am 
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An Irishman, an Englishman, and an Indian chief go fishing together in a large rowboat in a medium-sized lake. Everyone has good luck, two or three big fish each. They stay out in the middle of the lake until sunset. On the way back to shore, as the sun sets, they all sing a song.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:49 am 
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BECAUSE HE'S BLACK

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