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Random Facts About Chuck Norris
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Author:  Beyond the Grave [ Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Spangles wrote:
Psst.. who on earth is Chuck Norris?
When in doubt, consult Wikipedia.
Author:  Dark Grapefruit [ Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Rhin Beoulve wrote:
What is with the recent Chuck Norris hype? I totally don't get it. How'd it start?


As far as I know it started at the Something Awful forums and quickly got out of hand.
Author:  TacoBob [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:45 am ]
Post subject: 
I would like to dedicate the rest of this topic in memory of "Spangles". I heard that seconds after he posted that reply...He, his house and most of his neighborhood was destroyed by a long-distance round-house kick. *Sniff* Good Bye Spangles. We'll miss you!
Author:  Acekirby [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
66. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
67. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
68. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
69. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
70. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Some funny ones.
Author:  Douglas [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Some more, hope these haven't been said...

66. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

67. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

68. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

69. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

70. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

71.Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

72. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

73. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

74. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

75. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he spit it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

76. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

77. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more awesome than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Author:  Beyond the Grave [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
78. When Chuck Norris got a high energy bill, he roundhouse kicked the company. The company then went bankrupt. That company was Enron.
Author:  Acekirby [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Here's a few more. These are hilarious.

79. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
80. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
81. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
82. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
83. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
84. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
85. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
Author:  Clever Danielle [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:57 pm ]
Post subject:  overheard in English class...
86: Chuck Norris doesn't have pick-up lines. He says "now".
Author:  Obomaru [ Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
The Many Inventions of Chuck Norris...

87: Although he has received no credit, Chuck Norris invented all weapons known to man in order to give the armies of the world a chance against his insurmountable martial arts prowess.

88: Chuck Norris actually invented peanut butter, but while in transit to the patent office, George Washington Carver knocked him unconscious with the aid of chloroform and stole his patent. For revenge, Chuck Norris threw 7 freight trains on top of George Washington Carver. He died from this.

Heh. Pretty good.
Author:  No Toppings [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:43 am ]
Post subject:  What is Chuck Norris all about?
We all agree that Chuck Norris jokes are the funniest things ever, but few of us really know WHY making fun of Chuck Norris is so funny.

I personally think that Chuck Norris jokes are funny because Chuck Norris is the stereotyped movie hero. He plays the super strong, invincible hero that has no emotion and always comes out on top. We make fun of such qualities in these Chuck Norris jokes, and it is funny. He is the representation of every corny superhero ever to exist.

By the way, last time Chuck Norris blew on a dandelion, hurricane Katrina happened. (Courtesy of me and my pal Alex).
Author:  HHFOV [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Chuck Norris is a real guy? :eek: Whoa :sm: SMASH!
Author:  Mr.KISS [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:47 am ]
Post subject: 
I always thought it was because of the mandatory sillyness you get from being associated with being macho in the 80's/ late 70's. For example, Mr.T would be another one this applies to.
Author:  Kevin DuBrow [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:54 am ]
Post subject: 
I've never thought of the jokes as making fun of Chuck Norris, but rather glorifying him. I think they are funny, though.
Author:  topofsm [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:56 am ]
Post subject: 
I never really got much about Chuck Norris. The only movie I've seen with him is in "Dodgeball" where he lets them play. Rock on Chuck Norris.

And I've never really heard any Chuck Norris jokes. Unless you count, "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer".
Author:  No Toppings [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:04 am ]
Post subject: 
You can also post any good Chuck Norris jokes you made up! All the below jokes are copyright NT. Just submitted them.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris STILL destroys you.

When in Rome, do like the Romans do. When in Ryan, Oklahoma, you can't
do like Chuck Norris does, no matter how hard you try.

You can not blind Chuck Norris with science.
Author:  StrongRad [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:07 am ]
Post subject: 
No Toppings wrote:
You can also post any good Chuck Norris jokes you made up! All the below jokes are copyright NT. Just submitted them.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris STILL destroys you.

When in Rome, do like the Romans do. When in Ryan, Oklahoma, you can't
do like Chuck Norris does, no matter how hard you try.

You can not blind Chuck Norris with science.

Ok, this gets merged to the OTHER Chuck Norris Thread. You best pray someone doesn't start a Jack Bauer thread. Poor Chuck wouldn't stand a chance. I doubt he'd even stand a chance against Samuel L. Jackson or Vin Diesel.
Author:  No Toppings [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:09 am ]
Post subject: 
StrongRad wrote:
No Toppings wrote:
You can also post any good Chuck Norris jokes you made up! All the below jokes are copyright NT. Just submitted them.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris STILL destroys you.

When in Rome, do like the Romans do. When in Ryan, Oklahoma, you can't
do like Chuck Norris does, no matter how hard you try.

You can not blind Chuck Norris with science.

Ok, this gets merged to the OTHER Chuck Norris Thread. You best pray someone doesn't start a Jack Bauer thread. Poor Chuck wouldn't stand a chance. I doubt he'd even stand a chance against Samuel L. Jackson or Vin Diesel.


Whoops. Forgot about this one. Sorry.

EDIT: Chuck Norris can chew a Charleston Chew fast.
Author:  topofsm [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:42 am ]
Post subject: 
I made this off the your momma jokes section.

Your mom is so fat, even Chuck Norris can't punch through her!

Take that Chuck Norris fans!
Author:  Marshmallow Roast [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 3:25 am ]
Post subject:  hahaha
Chuck Norris can eat just one.
Author:  minib198 [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 3:25 am ]
Post subject: 
:eek: I officially know more about Chuck Norris than i ever wanted to know.
Author:  sb_enail.com [ Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:15 am ]
Post subject: 
The link has been posted to the site of origin. I think every other post is moot.
Author:  Acekirby [ Sun Mar 19, 2006 1:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: What is Chuck Norris all about?
No Toppings wrote:
We all agree that Chuck Norris jokes are the funniest things ever, but few of us really know WHY making fun of Chuck Norris is so funny.

I really don't think these jokes are making fun of him. They're just jokingly saying how great he is.

Now, if a joke said "Chuck Norris could squash Boston because he is so fat," then I could see these jokes making fun of him.
Author:  topofsm [ Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:12 am ]
Post subject: 
I thought of a good one today.

Chuck Norris does not go to the trash can when he wants to throw away garbage. The trash can comes to him.
Author:  dyzzy [ Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:53 am ]
Post subject: 
I came up with this one on my own, and I'm sure many others have too.

The only thing hueger than XBox is Chuck Norris' [use your imagination].

Edit: Oh right. The rules.
Author:  topofsm [ Sun Mar 19, 2006 3:01 am ]
Post subject: 
You're going to have to change that. Take a look at our rules

Whoa, I told someone to look at the rules. I finally feel like I belong here. No offense, guy above me.
Author:  SEAN'D! [ Mon Mar 20, 2006 11:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Random Facts About Chuck Norris
The Experimental Film wrote:
14. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
25. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".


These two made me laugh out loud.
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