How to be Goth

lahimatoa · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:15 pm

I'd personally be worried if a child of mine started showing some of the tendencies above, like

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.

Flame away.

StrongRad · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:27 pm

lahimatoa wrote:

I'd personally be worried if a child of mine started showing some of the tendencies above, like

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.

Flame away.

I don't know about the "black makeup" thing. If my kid wants to dress like a freak and be made fun of, I'll let them.
Other stuff:
For me, it'd depend on the meaning of "odd" in "odd, silver jewelry", the type of interest in death, vampires, etc..
You're right, though, about the other things (any parent should be worried if my 14 year old was drinking or taking drugs or takes part in self-mutilation).

PianoManGidley · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:14 pm

For the record, lahi, Paganism and Wicca (and all symbols contained therein) are not Satanic. Pagans and Wiccans do not worship Satan. That's just misinformation popularized by people (primarily Christians, I find) who have had no dealings with real live Pagans and Wiccans and who watch too much Hollywood. I agree that certain other activities, such as drug and alcohol use as well as cutting and other such physical mutilation should be signs that a child may be having some sort of problems, but of course that doesn't automatically make them "goth," either--just a child that needs a bit of extra TLC, methinkst.

ChickenLeg · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:13 pm

I'll be honest. A few of those things I wouldn't have my child (If I have any) do, but it's more of safety than "ZOMG GOTH!!!!11". The others are just silly. What nut decided that Count Chocula was Satanic? What nut thinks RPG = Satan (I mean seriously)?

It seems that unless you eat, sleep, and drink the Lord, you're a Satanist Goth from those nuts. Sure, it won't kill you to have a bit of spirituality, but you still need individuality and sanity from that to live to a ripe, old age.

StrongRad · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:16 pm

ChickenLeg wrote:

I'll be honest. A few of those things I wouldn't have my child (If I have any) do, but it's more of safety than "ZOMG GOTH!!!!11". The others are just silly. What nut decided that Count Chocula was Satanic? What nut thinks RPG = Satan (I mean seriously)?

It seems that unless you eat, sleep, and drink the Lord, you're a Satanist Goth from those nuts. Sure, it won't kill you to have a bit of spirituality, but you still need individuality and sanity from that to live to a ripe, old age.

"Those nuts" are people parodying religion, though, so there's no need to get too worked up.

The "Count Chocula" thing should make that painfully obvious (also, PMG pointed it earlier).

ChickenLeg · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:43 pm

StrongRad wrote:

ChickenLeg wrote:

I'll be honest. A few of those things I wouldn't have my child (If I have any) do, but it's more of safety than "ZOMG GOTH!!!!11". The others are just silly. What nut decided that Count Chocula was Satanic? What nut thinks RPG = Satan (I mean seriously)?

It seems that unless you eat, sleep, and drink the Lord, you're a Satanist Goth from those nuts. Sure, it won't kill you to have a bit of spirituality, but you still need individuality and sanity from that to live to a ripe, old age.

"Those nuts" are people parodying religion, though, so there's no need to get too worked up.

The "Count Chocula" thing should make that painfully obvious (also, PMG pointed it earlier).

I should've said I knew that. :mrgreen:

StrongRad · **Posted:** Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:57 pm

You know something? The more I think about this, the more I realize that this article shows some of the prejudices and assumptions of the people who wrote it. They try to play off "The Church" as being completely clueless about "The World", but it also shows how clueless the authors were about "The Church".

Despite what you see on TV and the internet, Christians don't just run around saying "That's EVIL!" or "You're going to hell!"

PianoManGidley · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 12:14 am

StrongRad wrote:

Despite what you see on TV and the internet, Christians don't just run around saying "That's EVIL!" or "You're going to hell!"

Unless you're Margueritte Perrin, Fred Phelps (or kin), or Eddie Murphey's mother. Seriously. My uncle manages an antique furniture store in LA, and they were supplying the furnishings for Eddie Murphey's redecorating in his home...and according to my uncle, his mother called something star-shaped a "Pentagram" and a large vase for an entryway table a "cauldron"...then she told them (my uncle and his coworkers) to "get that out of here!" Eddie Murphey himself, on the other hand, didn't mind any of the furnishings...and according to my uncle, he's really quiet and shy--so much so that he actually hid in his walk-in freezer for a few minutes so as not to be around the furniture movers. But time for a toastpaint...

ChickenLeg · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 12:28 am

StrongRad wrote:

You know something? The more I think about this, the more I realize that this article shows some of the prejudices and assumptions of the people who wrote it. They try to play off "The Church" as being completely clueless about "The World", but it also shows how clueless the authors were about "The Church".

Despite what you see on TV and the internet, Christians don't just run around saying "That's EVIL!" or "You're going to hell!"

I find that true. I never met anyone Christian who would scream I'm going to hell because of the type of music I listen to. It's more of those exceptions (Like that forum and Fred Phelps) that tend to mess it up for the rest of them. Gives people like Didymus a bad name even before some people ever met them. God is good, whichever one you may believe in, but it's the extreme-type Christians that seem to go a little too far with all this.

Lu Bu · **Joined:** Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:36 pm **Posts:** 1166

Well, I qualify for about 80% of that.

I must be crapping bats.

EDIT: HOLY CHRIST THAT FORUM...AGHHH. That needs to be raided so hard...

Those are the people who mess up christians reputations

PianoManGidley · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:19 am

Shwoo wrote:

Quote:

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

I like how they just said "eccentrically". So the stereotypical crazy old hermit is a goth now?

Not just a crazy old hermit, but completely overzealous religious nuts such as Fred Phelps, too. Phelps must be goth--look at how eccentric he is!

StrongRad · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:26 am

PianoManGidley wrote:

Shwoo wrote:

Quote:

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

I like how they just said "eccentrically". So the stereotypical crazy old hermit is a goth now?

Not just a crazy old hermit, but completely overzealous religious nuts such as Fred Phelps, too. Phelps must be goth--look at how eccentric he is!

A crazy old hermit couldn't be goth.. It said "associates with other people..."
Hermits don't associate with other people

Fred Phelps also may not be goth, but the people who associate with him certainly are..

ready for prime time · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:32 am

i must say, the thing about no parental supervision. so, do they assume that when teens say "you wanna head down to the skate park?", they're really saying "Satan is awesome! let's cut ourselves so he thinks we're awesome too!"

PianoManGidley · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:01 am

ready for prime time wrote:

i must say, the thing about no parental supervision. so, do they assume that when teens say "you wanna head down to the skate park?", they're really saying "Satan is awesome! let's cut ourselves so he thinks we're awesome too!"

If this were serious, yes, that's essentially what "they" would assume. Just as philosophy is a cult. And wearing a T-Shirt of the London Philharmonic is obviously Satanic.

Shippinator Mandy · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:39 am

And here's that goth thingy. Enjoy!

PARODY wrote:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord! Yeah, no thanks, I'm kind of a Christian already. And, y'know, not a goth.

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Because, y'know, NO Christians are EVER morbidly curious...*rolls eyes* Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing. OH CRAP! MY PRIEST IS GOTH! PRIESTS WEAR BLACK ALL TEH TIMEZ!!111
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Uh-oh. I'd better NEVER wear my TMBG shirt again. Or, Gawd forbid, my theSTART shirt...And Mom should through out that EVIL Mozart shirt she wears!
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. Oh, so apparently Mandy--not me, my character--is some evil Satanic goth. Not just some eccentric, spazzy teen. Oh, no.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. Does that cross necklace that Mandy always wears count? WAIT A SECOND...MOM HAS A SILVER CRUCIFIX, SHE MUST BE TEH EBIL!!111
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Onoes, I have ear piercings. I'm so goth.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) Oh no! John Linnell is VERY shy, he's anti-social I guess! I should throw away all my TMBG albums!
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Yeah, sorry, HRWiki Forum, but I'll have to leave because you're mostly Satanists.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. I HATE sports. MAN I'm evil!
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. *hides romangst fic...and all those rps...and drawings...and pretty much all her CDs because she enjoys deathy music and all that stuff...*
-Takes drugs. Yeah, I should stop taking Zoloft. And Adderall. And Lamictal. Those are all tools of Satan.
-Drinks alcohol. So every time I take communion I'm REALLY worshipping Satan?!
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. ...k.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) *hides little heart scar...oh wait that's only visible when she's not wearing long pants*
-Complains of boredom. Wow! All teenagers are goths! Who knew?
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. I KNEW sleeping until noon on Saturdays was a bad idea!

-Is excessively awake during the night. INSOMNIA'd!
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) So it's evil to hate it when people shine flashlights in your face?
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. So diaries are from the devil too!
-Spends large amounts of time alone. It's not ENTIRELY my fault that no one wants to hang out with me...OOH! I KNOW! LET'S BLAME IT ON SATAN!
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.) Yeah. Because doing homework and talking to you guys totally = Satan worship.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. So when I hang out with Paul and Emily and Andreas at the pool or whatever, we're sacrificing virgins. Got it.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. So that time I walked out on old history teacher I was going off to summon demons?
-Misbehaves at school. *hides permanent record*
-Misbehaves at home. *hides all evidence*
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. I can't think of a sarcastic response to this, so I'll just laugh hysterically. XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) Does it count if you accidentally bite your tongue and it bleeds?
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.) So my parents were secretly inducting me into some Satanic cult when they let me watch House and Firefly and The Simpsons and Futurama...
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. Mario has violence against Goombas! ONOES! MARIO = SANTA!!111one
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. ...Yeah, I'm clearly a goth.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. But...God gave me this hair for the sole purpose of headbanging.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. *can't think of anything funny to say*
-Expresses an interest in sex. ...TEENAGERS ARE STILL EVIL!
-Masturbates ...no comment.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. What if you're, like, gay for Jesus?...Wait, nevermind, that's creepy for different reasons entirely...
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. So college philosophy courses are taught by demons!
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". Nobody wears those pins or stickers because THEY BRING NO LULZ.
-Claims to be a goth. Yeah. Y'know, goths have a tendency to be goths. I know, it's weird.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center. *skips merrily off to the happy home*

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Einoo T. Spork · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:13 am

Roffleburger, Mandy.

...You know, I could go for a Roffleburger... and one of those Super Special Awesome Burgers, too...

mmmm, burgers...

Oh, and yeah, this site is definitely a hoax. Check out THIS bit I found:

Quote:

The fact is, GOTH culture is not isolated, and it is certainly not harmless. In fact, it is fast becoming the dominant youth culture in America, led by such so-called "artists" as Marilyn Manson, Rammstein and the open homosexual Elton John, and by GOTHIC television shows such as BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and SOUTH PARK.

...ELTON, HOW COULD YOU???!!!!!!!

WTF Elton's music is like... 60's Rock. Nobody remotely cool listens to him anymore.

Of course, I'm not cool at all, so I do sometimes.

But still, ROFFLE STUFF. XD

However, it's still sad that that Christian fundie forum appears to be taking this stuff ABSOLUTELY SERIOUSLY. DX

EDIT: Wait a minute... after looking through that thread and this thread, I realize that it's a satirical website, too. STUPID INTERNET. XD

DOUBLE EDIT:

Shippinator Mandy wrote:

I'ma post my critique of the goth list and the Landover Baptist list of false religions when I get home. (I'm on a Mac, and I can't figure out how to copy-paste on a Mac. :/)

See that button with the weird sort of shamrocky thing on the right and that Apple logo on the left? Hold that down and press C.

Then you go to a place that you want to PUT the text in and hold down that key again, and press V.

Not that hard or different, was it?

(OK, I know you're back home now, but still. Nice little information for you to have in the future.)

Shwoo · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:35 am

I guess Elton John is Satanic because he's gay or something. Makes sense to idiots. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

ChickenLeg · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:38 am

Shwoo wrote:

I guess Elton John is Satanic because he's gay or something. Makes sense to idiots. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

They'd probably take the "Viva Satan!" thing as enough proof.

Really, is that forum satirical?

Joshua · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:38 am

Shwoo wrote:

And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

It's on the Internet, the source of all Satanic evil. :hr:

Plus Strong Bad is a demonic hellspawn. :sb:

Shippinator Mandy · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:45 am

Shwoo wrote:

And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

Oh, so many reasons!

-Marzipan is a hippie.
-Strong Bad wears black.
-Strong Sad is a goth who probably cuts himself and worships Satan.

If that's not proof I don't know what is.

Shwoo · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:46 am

Joshua wrote:

Plus Strong Bad is a demonic hellspawn. :sb:

Hey, you're right! Strong Bad

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Shows an interest in tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

Okay, so some of those are borderline cases, but still. Strong Bad is a Satanic goth!

Einoo T. Spork · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:48 am

Shippinator Mandy wrote:

Shwoo wrote:

And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

Oh, so many reasons!

-Marzipan is a hippie.
-Strong Bad wears black.
-Strong Sad is a goth who probably cuts himself and worships Satan.

If that's not proof I don't know what is.

Don't forget:

-They say BAD WORDS!!! Like CRAP and SUCKS!!
-Homestar has said to Strong Bad, "I think I'm falling for you." OH NOES HOMOSEXUALITY! IT = SIN!!!
-They don't celebrate Christmas... they celebrate a HORRIFYING MOCKERY of it called DECEMBERWEEN!!!!!!
-Coach Z is just plain creepy, man.

IantheGecko · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 4:33 am

ChickenLeg wrote:

Shwoo wrote:

I guess Elton John is Satanic because he's gay or something. Makes sense to idiots. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

They'd probably take the "Viva Satan!" thing as enough proof.

Really, is that forum satirical?

Its abbreviation is PARODY, if that tells you anything.

Yes, previous postings have revealed this.

ready for prime time · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 4:42 am

Quote:

If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

"son, what are you doing?"
"oh, i'm using the internet by myself to listen to music, and maybe buy one of their shirts."
"oh, no! come on, billy, we're going to doctor foster!"

Beyond the Grave · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:11 am

I think it's about time that I address some of these with my own personal touch.

Quote:

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Hey, Dormar it looks like I can't hang out with you anymore. It apperently means I am a Goth

Quote:

-Drinks alcohol.

Would that mean that everyone who has had a drop of alcohol is a Goth? Which also means that the 12 Apostles and Jesus Christ were Goths.

Quote:

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

Kiss my Manically Depressed butt.

Quote:

-Complains of boredom.

Can I help it that I am an only child.?

Quote:

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Who is writing this? The Amish? Jack Thompson? PMRC? All of them combined?

Quote:

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

You know there is an old saying that "Dancing is sex, standing up."

Quote:

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Are you kidding me? I haven't met a teenager, heck a person who hasn't expressed interest in sex. Didn't God command us to "be fruitiful and multiply?"

Quote:

-Masturbates

To quote George Carlin, " Christians are sick in the head. They are the only people I know who view masturbation as a form of self-punishment."

Quote:

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

No shock here.

Quote:

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Satanism and Scientology: Yes. Paganism and Wicca: Maybe. Philosophy, Hinduism and Buddhism: WTF?

ChickenLeg · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:26 pm

IantheGecko wrote:

ChickenLeg wrote:

Shwoo wrote:

I guess Elton John is Satanic because he's gay or something. Makes sense to idiots. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how Homestar Runner is Satanic.

They'd probably take the "Viva Satan!" thing as enough proof.

Really, is that forum satirical?

Its abbreviation is PARODY, if that tells you anything.

Yes, previous postings have revealed this.

No, I mean that forum with the Bible-geeks. I know the list is a joke, but is that forum really one too? I mean, the one that whenever someone with a right mind comes, they get ridiculed and such.

Lu Bu · **Joined:** Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:36 pm **Posts:** 1166

Ugh, I'm still angery about that forum after sleeping it off.

[raid crap]

I just do not get these people...even the old verisons of christianity were more opened minded then these people. After browsing around, I saw them to be Racist, Sexist, Biased, and pretty much everything else christianty is not supposed to be.

Goth does not mean satanist...most goths do not even want to be called goth, they just dress in black and listen to metal.

/rageandfury.

EDIT BY SR: Stop with the raid crap. If you're going to post in R&P, you need to be a little more mature. We don't do raids here, we don't talk about raids here. If you're going to do that crap, go over to 4chan and don't come back.

What's Her Face · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:54 pm

Lu Bu wrote:

Ugh, I'm still angery about that forum after sleeping it off.

[raid crap]

I just do not get these people...even the old verisons of christianity were more opened minded then these people. After browsing around, I saw them to be Racist, Sexist, Biased, and pretty much everything else christianty is not supposed to be.

Goth does not mean satanist...most goths do not even want to be called goth, they just dress in black and listen to metal.

/rageandfury.

You know they're actually fake, right? See PMG's post on it.

(Yeah, sorry about that, d00d.

I didn't know they were fake either - I just stumbled across that forum yesterday on a routine Googling.)

Lu Bu · **Joined:** Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:36 pm **Posts:** 1166

Wait, the forum is fake?

I know the goth thing is fake, but the forum is taking it seriously.

EDIT: Aww, crap...now I feel stupid.

This is a perfect example of why not to take internet seriously...

What's Her Face · **Posted:** Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:02 pm

Lu Bu wrote:

Wait, the forum is fake?

I know the goth thing is fake, but the forum is taking it seriously.

Yeah, that's just part of the act they're doing. Sorry about that.

That Pastor Ezekiel and Brother Temperance are definately spoofers - though who knows, maybe there are members on the forum who actually think it's real. All part of the spoofing fun, I suppose.

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