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Divorce
http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=11832		 Page 2 of 2
Author:  KartoonKween'D [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:43 am ]
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Rocoramore wrote:
Did your parents see a marriage counselar first?

Ah. I'm so glad you brought this up. Actually, I have some good news. My parents have decided to hold off finalizing the divorce until after they try marriage counselling at our church. They are going to try to fix their marriage. Mom is going to start going to church with us. I'm really optimistic.

I've been thinking it over, and I changed my mind about accepting the idea of my parent's divorcing. I want them to do what is righteous in the eyes of the Lord more than I want them to be happy. It will pay off in the long run.
Author:  IantheGecko [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:55 am ]
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Awesome, dude! I'm glad that your parents want to try and work it out instead of just going straight for a divorce. :)
Author:  Didymus [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:57 am ]
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That is great news, Kween! I'm really glad to hear that, at the very least, she wants to try a different way.

I really don't see why there couldn't be middle ground. After all, if her chief issue is that she feels a need to make some kind of contribution or have some ambition outside of her family, I don't really see why she couldn't pursue that WHILE she's taking care of her family.
Author:  netzen [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:48 pm ]
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YES! Kween, that is awsome! I'm glad for your entire familly! Whoo! This makes me feel good! Prayer does work! :mrgreen:
Author:  Did he sell eggs? [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 6:30 pm ]
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When my parents divorced, I was really sad at first. Mainly because I couldn't be with both of them at the same time. (Luckily, they are not enemies because they are divorced, so they both still live in the same city and still can talk to each other.) But they had been fighting for so long, I was actually sort of happy I wouldn't have to be laying on my bed, plugging my ears anymore. Plus, now my mom is getting married to someone who rocks, and my dad has been in a really nice, long relationship. So besides missing them a lot, things are okay.
Author:  racerx_is_alive [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 7:23 pm ]
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Amorican wrote:
In a marriage, I don't think we should put the happiness of our partner before our own. Put them on equal footing, yes. But if you are 100% unhappy and uncomfortable while you are trying to make another person happy, what's the point of that? Every marriage needs to allow for a certain amount of selfishness because that is human nature.


The only way for a marriage to survive is for us to always put the happiness of our partner before our own. Of course, and you implicitly say this, it takes BOTH people doing this to be a successful marriage. If you are giving 100%, and the other person is giving nothing, you will of course be unhappy. But if your spouse is also putting your happiness above theirs, you don't have to watch out for your own interests anymore, because they are doing that for you.

Of course, I agree that everyone is inherently selfish. But the better we can subjugate that, the happier we will be. Imagine that a good successful marriage is a glass that is 100% full. And each spouse has a glass that is as full as the percentage of their efforts that they are willing to dedicate to their spouse. So imagine that each spouse has decided that they are willing to give 50% to the marriage. It seems like a happy marriage, some of the time. But no one is perfect at giving 50%, most of the time, somebody will be giving 40% or 20% or whatever, depending on the circumstances. That whole time, neither partner is happy. The marriage isn't successful, because there's a gap. You aren't meeting in the middle.

The more ideal solution is to give it 100%, because then, even though you fall short of being perfectly selfless, between the two of you, there is still more than enough overlap to create a happy marriage for both partners. It's still necessary that both partners at least try to be less selfish, because the spouses' commitment levels feed off of each other. The committed person won't be able to unilaterally sustain a full glass for very long, though, especially when the less committed person decides they want out because they're bored or whatever.
Author:  PianoManGidley [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:26 pm ]
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netzen wrote:
Prayer does work!


While I'm glad that they're choosing to try to work out their problems, too, we can't for certain be sure that it was any one person's prayers that helped cause that to happen. Just saying...people pray about lots of things lots of times, and so many of those prayers don't get answered (and I don't just mean "don't get answered in a way the person wants it to be answered," but they just plain don't ever get answered at all in any way, shape, or form).
Author:  netzen [ Wed Jul 11, 2007 11:37 pm ]
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I'm sorry, It was a personal revelation that didn't have much to do with the topic, exept the fact that I would say a prayer every now and then for Kweens familly. I probably should've kept it to myself.
Author:  KartoonKween'D [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:59 am ]
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netzen wrote:
I'm sorry, It was a personal revelation that didn't have much to do with the topic, exept the fact that I would say a prayer every now and then for Kweens familly. I probably should've kept it to myself.

I... I think I'm going to cry. Thank you, so much.

By the way, I personally believe in the power of prayer, but there is a duality of things. People pray, and things happen on Earth that alter the current situation. Weither or not one influences the other is anyone's guess.

If anything, perhaps people who do not believe in God can accept the theory that if people pray, such as the people who are considering a divorce, the mental/spiritual contact with God, real or imagined, would motivate that person to do the thing that they would view as spiritually/religiously moral.

Still, I believe that it is God's will for my parents to stay married. I know that the concept of "God's will" exists, regardless if people believe in it or not (just like God exists regardless if people belive in Him or not). I see prayer as a means of finding out what God's will is.

Well, I suppose that this is steering dangerously off topic. A seperate thread about spiritual/religious beliefs (why we believe what we believe) could be made, if it doesn't already exist. If people want to know, I became a Christian this year. I didn't have a mother that was a good Christian example... not that I regret this. I know how non-Christians think, me being one for a long time. In many ways I should thank my mother... it's so much better appreciating the Light if you first lived in darkness. (Of course, becoming a Christian didn't make me a good person over night. I struggle the same amoralities, such as wanting to visit 4chan. I just feel conviction now.) However, I thank God that she is now going to go to Church.

Once again, thank you all for your kind words. I heard my mom say that she wanted to see a movie with my dad earlier today. :-D I really hope that one day, all of us will find the love of our lives, be it a wonderful spouse or a noble profession.
Author:  Didymus [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:18 am ]
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Quote:
Well, I suppose that this is steering dangerously off topic. A seperate thread about spiritual/religious beliefs (why we believe what we believe) could be made, if it doesn't already exist.

Oh, we've got a couple of those lying around here somewhere. I'd dig one out, but I'm feeling lazy at the moment.
Author:  Beyond the Grave [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:27 am ]
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Didymus wrote:
but I'm feeling lazy at the moment.
Sinner. :p

I've never had to deal with divorce with members of my family. My parents have been married for 27 years this October, one set of grandparents who will be married for 70 years this year and if my grandfather was still alive, my other grandparents would be celebrating their 59th this December. As you can see, Divorce is an alien word in my family. No one has had to go through and God willing, no one will.
Author:  lemon123 [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:44 pm ]
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KartoonKween'D wrote:
Once again, thank you all for your kind words. I heard my mom say that she wanted to see a movie with my dad earlier today. :-D I really hope that one day, all of us will find the love of our lives, be it a wonderful spouse or a noble profession.


Your words really touched me, Kween. It's great to see how your parents' divorce has worked out well for your family.

Speaking from my own experience, all I can say is that I feel that, whilst there are many couples with children who just seem to give up for no good reason, traunmatising their children most unfairly, there are situations where, sadly, divorce is the only option: my mother, for example, was abused by my father in the last year of their marriage. If they hadn't divorced - particularly when we were so young, thus didn't feel the full impact of it - things would be terrible for me and my brother. I'm so thankful that we live in the 21st century where divorce is an option and the welfare state can support families like mine.
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