Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

You shaketh it and feeleth alright! But then, all of a sudden, ye John Travolta appeareth before thee and proceedeth to outdance you into ye dark pit of humiliation. JOHN TRAVOLTA'D!!

Type: Make Queenie C a big pot of grits.

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Thy Granny knowest not about these "grits" of which you speak, so you just throw a basket full of puppies at her, instead.

Command: Wrap +3 FCOT with duct tape.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Uhm, ok, now it's a "Duct -3.14 not-so-FCOT tape"... Should have paid more attention in TV/VCR-repair class...

Command: Build yerself a nostalgic-looking boat and sail the sea. Eight times.

Reply: You build yourself a boat and sail the seven seas. Now you have one sail left, but no more seas to travel on! YAR!

Command: Tell that crazy Uncle Didy I've passed him.

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Syntax error. *BOOM*

Try harder to be a bran muffin!!

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You better believe it.

Since you figured that you are what you eat, you decided to 147 of 'em. Your digestive system says otherwise and there's a mess on the floor... ...wich you slip on and die.

Command: Knock on heavens door.

You knock knock knock on heaven's door. St. Peter opens up, looking all grumpy, and says, "What the crap are you doing here? You're not dead yet! Now get back down there and defeat that Burninator, or I'll just pencil in 'That Other Place' beside your name! Now Get Going! Stupid not-dead people! Always interrupting me while I'm trying to watch 24."

Type: Pour Extra Extra Extra Virgin Olive Oil +3 of Flavorfulness on Steak of Tenderness and put it on grill.

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Whoahoahoah!!! That's some tasty stuff!! I mean, WHOAH!!!! You find yourself unable to do anything else but to keep eating more and more steaks. Eventually, you become one. And then you eat yourself.

Type: Would you be so kind and print out a little 5 dollar bill for me, please?

Thy medieval compy printeth out ye $5 bill for thee. It only takesth like 3 years to finisheth it! But then ye Knigget arresteth thee for counterfeiting. Now thou must hangeth in yon dungeon and clappeth thy hands when they singeth "The Knights of the Round Table" song.

Type: Dip half-naked wing-a-ling baby in beer batter and fry him right up.

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Appearantly, he was part-dragon, and he burninates you right up. And then steals the beer and leaves.

Type: Run for governour (sp?) in Strongbadia.

You get beat'd up'd by The Governator, Ah-nold! Ya! That vill teach you!

Type: Do hip-hop dance on Homestar's head.

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You do, but then Homestar bites one of your legs.

Command: Stop Jello B. from marrying Mandy.

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Ok, but now you haveto marry The Poopsmith.

Command: Make stupidity punishable by law.

All stupid people are rounded up and shot. Are you happy now?


Command: Avoid getting hit by the FCOT+3 while poking fun at Didy's age.

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oh no they didn't. they missed me!
you're the boss! you get hit by the FCOT+2, the earlier model.

ahem: look dumpster

Ye findeth ye olde couch. If ye canst remove yon chili cheese stains, ye mighteth find it matcheth ye cottage. Except ye cottage hath been burninated, so not much good doth it do ye.

Type: Go Free Agent.

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Reply: Ye become a free agent. Ye get picked up by the most dreaded of all teams, the Indianapolis Colts. Ye become a source of sickness for Pats fans. VINATIERI'D!

Command: Push the button, Jack!

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Jack pusheth yon button. Yon robot cometh out and bringeth ye a stuffed grape leaf hor d'oeuvres (that be an orderve, for ye less-than couthe readers).

Type: Give Lampshade to Naked Ned.

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Give lampshade to Naked Ramrod


Command: Kill Chris Griffin

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this chris griffon you speaketh of overhears you commanding and kills you instead....eth

You sit on your butt and do nothing for like, 20 years. By that time, Trogdor has settled down, gotten married, and had 2.3 kids. The next time you actually see Troggie, he's wearing a black coat and tie, and is carrying a huge briefcase with his beefy arm. You can't kill Troggie now that he has a wife and kids! GAME = VERY OVER! YOU = VERY LOSED! Next time, try actually typing some commands.

Type: Build a giant mechanical female dragon.

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You do. Unfortunately, she doesn't run on oil or electricity, but on people. She eats you. And then a lot of other people. You = very dead + very hated.

Type: Count to purple backwards.

e-l-p-r-u-p. wait, that not be right! thou are taketh to mental assylum for sucheth stupid idea

kicketh computer

Ye computer crasheth. What do you expect? It was a medieval computer made of like hay, and animal skins, and stuff.

Type: Encourage Jinzo to find the Seven Chaos Emeralds without those losers Clan and Hilary.

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Done and done.


Command: Battle the FCOT+133(Clan's) with the FCOT+3.

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Clan is too busy drooling over Hilary Duff to pay much attention to start with. But then, just as you start to battle, he slips in that puddle of drool and ends up clobbering himself with his own folding chair. Maybe he should have spent some of his skill points on weapon usage, rather than putting them all on Hilary Duff Leching.

Type: Use Boneless Buffalo Wing on Old Man.

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Reply: Ye holdeth up yon buffalo wing to Old Man. He taketh it and eats it in one bite. After a couple of seconds, he begins to screameth and spiteth fire. COMICAL YET TRAGIC SITUATION'D!

Command: Hit yonder dance floor with ye crazy moves.

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Ye shaketh it and feeleth fine. Unfortunately, you forgot to donn ye Electric Boots before hitting ye dance floor, so ye hot chicks be not impressed. Ye end up dancing with ye Bubs and a Blue Sock Puppet instead.

Type: Use Wrench of Fixiness on Boat Motor.

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you don'teth say how. you wack boat motor with yon wrench and it explodeths with ye olde BOOM!

Error at line 2:
Unexpected end of code.

Type: Take psychology classes.