Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

The bicicle is too speedy. You cannot control it and you smash your head open on a rock. You should have listened to your mommy and worn your helmet.

Type: Take over world

You hatch an evil scheme to take over the world. And you almost do it, too. But then that idiot sidekick of yours, the one that's always going, "NARF! EGAD! ZORT!" ends up throwing the usual monkey wrench in it. PINKY'D!!

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"Well, I think so, but why did that one guy post a pic of himself in a dress?"

Type: Throw tomato at knight.

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You throw the tomato at the knight in shining armor. The nice, new, shiny, shining armor. Which you have just befouled with a messy, icky, squashy rotten tomato. Deeply offended at your besmirching of his personal wardrobe, the kniggit shanks, reams, and frags you simultaneously.

Game Over.
Dead = Very Yes.


>taunt Lapu Lapu

Lapu Lapu is nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, since you must finish one command before starting another. Your commands of "Breathe" and "LOOK OUT FOR THAT BIG TRUCK!" go unanswered. You dead.

Command: Set up them the bomb.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You set up them the bomb. Now all their base are belong to you. They have no chance to survive make their time. But now they launch all Zig for great justice! You = very screwed! JUSTICE'D!!

Type:
Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows
buried in the stream of time is where your power grows
I pledge myself to conquer all the foes that stand
before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand
Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess!
DRAGON SLAVE!

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while saying that to yourself you accidentally walk off a cliff.
you=dead
virus=very yes

buy trogdor a cold one

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

Trogdor is insulted by ONE cold one. Things pan out pretty much the same way they always do when you try a command involving Trogdor.

Command: Unplug Didymus' blender

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

The blender plug has been in place and used for so long that it has welded itself to the inside of the outlet and magically gained a sentience, asking you politely to please leave it alone.

> Invent the censor strip

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get LOST

That's it! Putting on a twice-nightly striptease oughta loosen those censors up. Unfortunately, most censors tend to be particularly ugly specimens of middle-aged people, so the club is shut down due to low attendence. But, realizing now the hardship and toil that adult entertainers have to endure, the censors mend their ways, and happiness and debauchery rule throughout the land. You, however, spent all your money on the censor stripclub, and soon find yourself sleeping in a cardboard box in an alley.

>stick it to the man

It sticks to the man quite nicely. He doesn't like it though, so he kicks you up side the head.


Command: Simpsons did it!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Unable to take it anymore, the boys leap upon you, kicking, hitting, and pummeling. You manage to fend them all off except for Kenny, who continues to wrestle you even as you both roll off the edge of a cliff.
"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"
"You bastards!"
No one seems to be concerned about your death.


>buy Strong Sad a cold one

Don't Swear.

:
Strong Sad doesn't drink.
He then procedes to whine you to death.
Buy me a new Flash Drive

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I had to! It was part of teh source material! T_T

And I give up! T_T What's a toastpaint?!
...oh. Nevermind. Question #2: what's TEF stand for?

---

Why you lazy crap for crap! Forget it, man, that's the third one you've lost this semester! FLOPPY'D!


>enter mysterious blue phone booth

You end up trapped in a regular blue telephone booth, stuck, with no way out. What did you expect? A time travel device large enough for a small city on the inside? And maybe a mechanical dog? And some weirdo with a freaking long as crap scarf? Man, you watch WAY too much TV.

And why the crap isn't my blender working anymore?

(toast paint = "get back on topic"
TEF = user named The Experimental Film, a leaf-faced Zelda fanboy who lives in Yon Kidlet Forest)

Type: Pour Mystic Soda on Mysterious Beans.

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Naw, man, I wanted the one in the technicolor dreamcoat. Or maybe the ruffly guy with the yellow car. Ooh! Or the guy with the Beatlehair.

*ahem* *self-toastpaints*

Nothing happens. Well, that was a waste of soda. Plus, now the beans will taste really weird. Maybe you should put them on a cake or something.

>build a cake or something

I'll do whatever I want. GOSH!

> sing the Bacon Man song

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You sing the Bacon Man song. Suddenly, bacon everywhere starts to fly around. People are totally creeped out because now bacon can fly.

> Throw turtle shell at mushroom.

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It hits a couple of Goombas. Point bonus! But uh-oh - it bounced off an offscreen wall and comes zooming back. You dead.

> get lime

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You do as the Pepsi commercial said and have the lime of your life. Unfortunately, since the lime was the lime of your life, you've just eaten your life and have invented some kind of bizarre paradox in which you either don't exist or do exist as citrus fruit.

> Make sense of things

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get LOST

you can't. the paradox in the above poast confusues you too much.
you dead


command:Your breadcrumb a splode

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

That's what you get for coating your food in nitroglycerin instead of conventional bread crumbs. KA-BOOM'D!!

Type: Go Oktobeerfest.

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it's october you can't

say your momma's so normal she has no comedic value whatsoever to kerrek

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

What do you mean I can't Go Oktobeerfest? I was there earlier! And ate many brats, too! MMMmmm, Brats! *Homer Simpson Drool Noise*

You say that to the Kerrek. He's thoroughly confused as to what you mean. "Little Man Make Kerrek Head Hurt!" he says. And guess what THAT means! IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!

Type: Bury Clown in Fire Ant Bed.

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And you thought his nose was red before...

>Wear dress and take picture

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boop boop beep boop bop

female: Done.
male: After doing so, you post the photo upon an internet forum you frequent. Everyone who looks upon the photo feels something inside of them die, becoming mindless zombies easily bent to your will. In this way you take over the world - at least until that sidekick of yours screws it up again, meaning you will have to come up with another plan for tomorrow night.


>make bet with rodeo clown

For some unknown reason, you suddenly dead. Perhaps because clown was Kerrek and he thought you said "beer" instead of "bet".

Turn the Heavy Lourde into finance charges for the governmental principal president on a tomato finger in Hawaii, New Michigan of the U.S.AAA.Battery.

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You better believe it.

Before you can pull off this maddeningly complicated course of action, a rodeo clown appears and drops the Heavy Lourde on your head for bailing out on your deal.


>print out million dollar bill

You might as well put something like "Tackle Justin Haddix" or something equally impossible. Why would you want to print out a million dollar bill, anyway? It's getting ready to rain $10 million bills in about 3 minutes.


Command: Tailgate before the big game

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Your eyes turn into pizza because you ate too many wings during the pre-game show. You dead.

Make the Heavy Lourde your Heavy Lord.

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You better believe it.

You worship the Heavy Lourde. He doesn't do much. He just sort of sits there and waits to be dropped on people's heads. Not much of a god, is he?

Type: Challenge Michael Jordan to One-on-One.

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