Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

First he does his Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood routine. Then he starts cursing in his Gumby voice. After that, he assaults Troggie with his Buckwheat imitation. "O-Tay!" Finally, he starts babbling about being a flying talking donkey, and starts singing singing like James Brown, "Rubba Dub Dub in the Hot Tub! YEEOOOWW!!" Troggie cracks up laughing and accidentally burninates you somehow. But at least you got to enjoy the show!

Type: Sic Canador on Trogador to see who would win.

(For those who don't know, Canador is a little red Trogdor with a maple leaf and a hockey stick).

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Canador is defeated in the first battle, badly.
Trogador declares victory.
During Trogador's victory celebration, a bearded old man in suspenders takes Canador, and, with a lot of duct tape and several Plymouth Reliant "K Cars" makes him into RoboCanador.
Right before the battle, the old man tells Canador to remember "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy"
Canador wins the rematch hands down.


Command: You're the man now, dog!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

To celebrate, you chew on your bone and take a nice big swig out the toilet. Later on, maybe you'll bit the mailman or chase a cat up a tree. But for now, you are happy just to give your nether regions a bath.

Type: Use head tentacles on Darth Wheelchair.

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That's just wrong, but so true.

You use the darth tentacles on the wheel chair. Unfortunately for you, the wheel chair runs into an electrical substation and becomes energized. The electricity travels through the tentacles and into you. The wheelchair is electrical, and, thus, can stand the electricity. You can't.
You fried.


Command: Kick Trogdor.. Just run up to him and give him a Chuck Norris style roundhouse upside the head.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You broke your foot, and Trogdor is still asleep.

Command: Get a 40 man raid and go to Trogdors Lair.

They get burninated


Command: Respond like a Spanish Soccer announcer.

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WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Introduce Trogdor to Trogador.

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Since Trogador is the future version of Trogdor, their seeing each other puts a rip in the space-time continuum that ultimately destroys the universe. Good going, McFly.

Command: Don't get hit by a truck.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Heavy Lourde'd by a truck!

Command: Try to help Clan make his Bonus Stage fanfic better.

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Umm...the mods could lock it. That would be an improvement.


Command: Breakout in a wicked guitar solo.

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You do all the hot licks, "squeedlies", "meedlies", and even the rare "SQUMEEDLY". You also do all the cool things, like playing behind your head, playing with your feet, and setting the guitar on fire. Unfortunately, nobody sees it, and since you've burned the only guitar in Peasantry, nobody is ever gonna see it.


Command: Deploy Norrisbots

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

The Norrisbots skip time around, so we don't get to see much of the ensuing battle. A roundhouse kick here, a firebal blast there. Before you know it, Trogdor lies soundly beaten and the Norrisbots return to the annals of awesome.

> make a hole with a gun perpendicular

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You shoot the gun into the dirt. Now there's a big hole in the dirt beneath your gun. Not sure why you were doing that, though. Were you trying to utilize Yosemite Sam's Super Shooter Outlaw Flying Powers, or what? Well, it didn't work. You're still stuck on the ground. And since Jhonka is a loyal NRA member, he now wants to be your best friend. Which would be okay, except that he smells like rancid ham.

Type: Put TNT in mechanical trousers.

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The Mechanical Trousers explode. Professor Frink spent months working on those things. Good glayvin! Mmm-hi.

Command: Put +345 spices of yummy on meatball sandwich

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Awe, man! The meatball sub is so delicious, it's ridiculous. Trogdor smells the magical meatball sub, and attacks you to steal it from you. But when he goes to eat it, it's so delicious, he dies of a heart attack. Congratulations! You killed Trogdor. Only, you die in the process, so your victory seems a little gloomy for some reason.

On the upside, that irritating king who commanded you not to upset the balance by attacking Trogdor, also smells the meatball sub and tried to get it out of Troggie's mouth. He also dies of a heart attack at the excessively divine yumminess, as does the Baby Lady, the Kerrek, the Jhonka, the Knight, Old Gary, the Old Man, Naked Ned, Mendelev, Dongalev, the Trog Guardians, and Funkstar (for some perverted reason, he's there too). You've managed to kill everyone in Peasantry.

Type: Fathom the dark depths of Funkstar's mind.

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Listen, dude. I'll fight the Kerrek, I'll ponder the meaning of old man rub, I'll climb the mountain with my head on fire, I'll even face Trogdor, but that whole Funkstar thing just goes too far.

Command: Put shoe in microwave

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

MMMM-mm! Nukerwave shoe! Man, you really have sunk to the depths of peasant financial despair. Anyway, it needs salt, but the closest thing you've got is some stuff from between your toes.

Type: Use Giant Seltzer Bottle of Pure Soakedness +3 on Troggie's flames.

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The bottle extinguishes the flames. Unfortunately for you, the gas fueling the flames is quite toxic, so, instead of burnination, you face suffocation.
Good going.

Command: Use Sean Connery on Trogdor.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Sean Connery comes out and starts insulting Troggie's mother. For some reason, he keeps calling Troggie, "Trebek." Nevertheless, Troggie gets infuriated. And since this isn't taking place on a nationally sindicated game show, he has no remorse in disposing of the annoying Connery. Connery makes one final effort to call Troggie's mother a slut, but is consumed by the flames before he can deliver the punchline. Alex Trebek declares you the Jeopardy winner for the day and gives you 100gp.

Type: Use Burt Reynolds on Trogdor.

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The oversized hat and "Turd Ferguson" gags make Troggie laugh.... With laughter comes flames, and with flames come burnination. With burnination comes a quick, but painful death.

Command: Use ACME portable hole on Trogdor

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

The hole isn't quite big enough for Troggie to fall through. Instead, he trips and falls. And, being that the subtitle of this thread is "The Death Factor," I'll give you three guesses where he falls, and the first two don't count. TROGDOR FALL'D ON'D TO DEATH'D!!

Type: Put Funky's brain in Optimus Prime.

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Brain not found.

Type: I DON'T CARE! GET YE FLASK ANYWAY!!

Ye take yon flask, which, in turne, is filledeth with ye olde hydrochloric acid, which ye spilleth onto your head. BRAINSMELT'D!!

Kick Pom Pom, Steal Pom Pilot.

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Pom-Pom beats get the everloving snot out of you.


Command: Don't press the big red button that says "Launch Nukes".

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Reply: You don't press the button, unfortunately, someone else does... and the nukes are aimed at your house... and they hit your house...
Fortunately for you, the nukes weren't armed. Still something that heavy hitting yout house that fast isn't good. You still have a crater, it's just not as big, nor is it glowing in the dark.

Command: Work on Dirty Jobs

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

(And, if they don't a splode, they're still radioactive. MUTANT'D!!)

You transform into ! Congratulations! You now have a rewarding career shoveling whatsit.

Type: Give Brain to Pat Robertson.

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You insert the brain. Unfortunately, the brain you put in belonged to New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. Now, in addition to his "God is mad at the US" stuff, he also talks about a "chocolate US".


Command: Nukerwave car keys

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You nukerwave your car keys. After a minute and a half of pretty sparks coming out the nukerwave, you take your keys out. They still don't taste very good. Maybe you should put some of that sauce Emeril made on TV last night. According to him, it tastes good on the bumper of a car, so maybe it'll taste good with car keys too.

Type: Put soap in Funky's brain.

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After he wakes up and you tell him what you've done, he laughs and says "hehehe gives new meaning to 'brainwash', doesn't it?".
Oh great, now he's making corny jokes. Good job.

Command: Put warm Dr Pepper in paint shaker.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

(Yeah, but corny gags are much preferable to what he usually spouts off. I mean, good grief! Even sailors get embarrassed!)

The Dr. Pepper Police arrest you and take you before President Bush. He sentences you to a jillion years in prison for tampering with his native country's (that's right - he and most other Texans think Texas is a country) national drink.

Type: Drive 20 miles to get cheaper gas.

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