Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Mecha lecha hi, Mecha hiny hiny HOLY CRAP THAT HURTS!!!
He should try putting now.

Command: Unplug Didymus

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You try to Unplug Didymus, but he doesn't want to be Unplugged. Since mods are always right, you enter into another ETERNAL PARADOX. There is a BOX OF MARBLES inside, but you can't have it.

Command: Get a box of marbles.

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Umm... Are you not paying attention? You can't have the box of marbles. Please accept this MARBLE BOX and a copy of MARBLE MADNESS as our way of saying sorry.


Command: Set Didymus' shoes on fire.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You bend down and light the matches to give Didymus ye olde hotte foote. Unfortunately, you probably should have waited until he wasn't looking. "Um, Dids? What are you planning on doing with that ch..."
KA-BLANNGG!! You wake up, and King Nintendoid is poking you with a pitchfork and making fun of your mother.

Type: Invite Seethroo to Clan's wedding.

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You send Seethroo the INVITATION TO CLAN'S WEDDING. Unfortunately, he doesn't like Clan, so he doesn't show. Furthermore, he burnith thy invitation and throws a water balloon at your face. What a waste of paper, rubber, and water.

Command: Lech Robot Mod.

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The Lechable Robot Mod is flattered by your leching. Unfortunately, he Botfriend gets jealous and decides to voip you. VOIP'D!!

Type: Raid StrongRad's refrigerator and take all the cool stuff.

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Are ye sane? I see no "all the cool stuff" in STRONGRAD'S REFRIGERATOR. Go back and take ye typing lessons again, forsooth!

Command: Eat baby.

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The baby doesn't appreciate your attempt to eat him. He clobberates you with the Jhonka's turkey leg.

(and what do you mean "typing lessons?" It's spelled right!)

Type: Team up with Alton Brown and devise a plan to take over the world with Good Eats.

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You team up with Alton Brown. Bad idea. You teach him to cook like yourself, and his plan to take over the world with Good Eats fails miserably. Happy now?

(I was referring to one of the typical responses in TBC's text adventure-type games when you type an unrecognized command. Spelled right or not )

Command: Go back in time and kill Grandpa.

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You kill your grandfather, which means you don't exist so you can't go back in time to kill your grandfather, which means you exist so you can go back in time to kill your grandfather which means you don't exist which means you can't go back in time to kill your grandfather, etc. etc.
PARADOX'D!

Command: Pour salt on pigeon

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

(Hey! I cook pretty good, I'll have you know! Just ask Queenie C and StrongCanada!)

You travel back in time and find Grampa hanging out at the nursing home (Man, he's old even in the past!) You pull out your gun to shoot him, but all of a sudden, he zaps you with his Nuclear Powered Joy Buzzer, shocking the living daylights out of you. Then he runs over you with his turbo-boosted invisible steam roller. That'll learn ya to mess with Gramps!

Type: Wear Red Shirt of Expendability and go down into dark, creepy alien lair.

SIMULPOST'D!! Pour Salt on Pigeon, THEN Wear Red Shirt of Expendability and go down into dark, creepy alien lair.

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Ye puts on ye Red Shirt of Expandability. Ye expand! Amazing...

Ye walks into the alien lair, and ye sees many an alien doing terrible things to a pigeon. Looks like fun! Ye walks over and pours salt on it. The pigeon explodes in a giant fireball and all the aliens are destroyed, but ye are saved by ye Red Shirt of Expandability! It burns off and ye lose ye expandedness, escaping the pigeon flame. Ye have saved the world!

Now ye dies. We don't know why. It just seemed like a good ending.

Command: Swim in pool of jello.

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You jump in the pool and start swimming around. All of a sudden, Jello B runs up and says, "Hey! What are you doing in my pool?"

Type: Plug professor into the hyperdrive.

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It's possible that this asteroid isn't entirely stable, so ye plugs the professor into the hyperdrive. He talks to it, and tells ye that ye power coupling on ye negative axis has been polerized. Ye will have to replace it.

Ye also learns that ye ship speaks in a most peculiar dialect. Where did it learn to communicate?

Command: Break fourth wall.

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The castle falls down on you. You = very dead. (What did you expect, that Dave Anez would show up dressed like a purple Megaman? This isn't Bob and George!)

Type: Give martini to Old Man.

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Old Man is a teetotaller, much like yon kerrek. He sprays ye with body oder. Now ye smells like an Old Man.

Command: Help Poopsmith

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Ye doeth ye goode deede for ye yeare. Yon Poopsmith appreciateth it. But ye lady-types be not exactly All Up Ons anymore.

Type: Steal Pink Tie of All Up Ons and seek out a 21+ lechable blue lady.

(notice I said 21+. Contrary to the ramblings of a certain user who shall remain nameless, I never lech [s]anyone under 21[/s], I mean I NEVER LECH! NEVER!!)

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Ye steals yon Pink Tie of All Up Ons and seeks out a 21+ lechable lady-type. Unfortunately, even with ye Pink Tie on, ye have only reached level 20, and ye die rolls be not in ye favor tonight. Ye gets slapped, and ye loses 1500 exp.

Command: Kick Cheat.

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You kick The Cheat. It's not an easy kick, 50 yards, into the wind, game on the line, etc. The Cheat hits the crossbar and barely makes it over. You win. While jumping up and down in celebration, you break your ankle. GRAMMATICA'D!


Command: Steal Stu

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Stu wakes up in your backyard chained to a doghouse. "Hey! What are you doing?" he whimpers. When you bring him his supper dish and his water bowl, he tries to bite your hand, but thankfully, you already had your rabies shot. Now, if any burglars break into your backyard, he banninates them.

Type: Give unsuspecting kid avocado ice cream.

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Ye gives him some avocado ice cream. He is very hungry and eats it, but does not thank ye. He runs off, leaving ye GOLDEN MOOSE KEYCHAIN behind. Hooray! Ye found ye GOLDEN MOOSE KEYCHAIN!

Command: Destroy forumopolis

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Does ye haveth Burnination powers? Does ye haveth a big beefy arm growing out of ye neck? Ifeth not, then no way Jorje!

Type: Use Golden Moose Keychain on parapet.

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Ye uses ye GOLDEN MOOSE KEYCHAIN on yon parapet. Ye GOLDEN MOOSE KEYCHAIN seems to glow with the knowledge of parapets, but it has no effect on yon parapet. Ye continues to wonder what parapets are.

Command: Ask Golden Moose Keychain about parapets.

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The Golden Moose Keychain tells you it knows nothing about parapets. Instead, it offers to pull a rabbit out of its hat ("Again?"). Nutt'n up m'sleeve! PRESTO! *RRRRRAAAAWWWWWRRR!!!!* No doubt about it! That Golden Moose Keychain definitely needs to get a new hat!

Type: Use Golden Moose Keychain on Russian spies.

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Ye uses ye Golden Moose Keychain on yon Russian Spies. Yon Russian Spies have a fear of gold, mooses, and keychains. They flee for their lives, right off yon CLIFF. They fall. Ye spies yon ANVIL near yon CLIFF.

Command: Throw anvil off cliff.

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The anvil falls on the Russian spies. Hokey Smokes!

Type: Move to Soviet Russia, where Game plays You!

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Ye move to Soviet Russia. Ye are now controlled by me. Ye are now played by me. Ye cannot resist.

Now, ye die. Good move, dummy.

Command: Revive self

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You don't have enough mans. Ur Stummy Hurts!

Type: Use Golden Moose Keychain on Giant Grape Nuts Robot.

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Yon Giant Grape Nuts Robot looks at ye Golden Moose Keychain. He screams out, "Now spell y-e G-o-l-d-e-n M-o-o-s-e K-e-y-c-h-a-i-n!" Oh dear, ye Golden Moose Keychain has been spelled!

Command: Kick Giant Grape Nuts Robot

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Not a particularly good idea. The Giant Grape Nuts Robot is highly offended by your kick and goes on a Tokyo-destroying rampage. Oh, great. Now Tokyo's been destroyed. Again. Happy now?

Type: Use Hot Wings of Burnination on Old Man.

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