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Congrats, you've destroyed his power. A mean person is you!

Command: Throw cars at Didymus

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Man, what is up with you constantly attacking me? Well, anyway, you try to pick up the car, and the car falls on you. Who do you think you are, the Infraggable Krunk? Of Val Halen, the Viking God of Rock? Or maybe one of the Power Puff Girls? Well you ain't! You're Rather Dashing, a 98 lb. peasant.

Anyway, Didymus moves the car off of you, then proceeds the thwackinate the living daylights out of your junk. On the plus side, at least now you won't be able to have children. And that's a good thing!

Type: Give Jones a Mega-Wedgie.

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Jones doesn't notice it when you drive the forklift up behind him... He doesn't even notice when you hook his undawears to it... He most certainly notices when you lift him 2 feet off the ground, though, and now he's mad.

Command: give baskets full of chocolates and puppies to Granny C

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Granny C is happy with you and gives you a "Fresh Baked Cookies Time®"

Command: Run Before Chuckie

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Chuckie gets mad. "Hey, it was my turn!!!" he yells, then he sets you on fire. You dead.

Command: Hippies! EVERYWHERE!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

The hippies flock over to you, brandishing pamphlets about whales, trees and their desparate need for a deodorant which doesn't contain anything artificial at all, for that natural scent.
Unfortunately, it's their natural scent that overpowers you. You become dizzy and faint.
When you come to, you are strapped to the back of a silverback gorilla standing in front of the world's tallest tree which is about to be cut down by the world's largest chainsaw.

In short, you lose.

Command: Eat fire.

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You fix yourself a nice big plate of fire and start chowing down. Unfortunately, your esophagus isn't fireproof, and you get third degree burns in your digestive tract. Maybe next time, try eating a less damaging element, like water or air. Heck, even dirt would have been okay, though it would have been a bit grainy and would have tasted funny.

Type: STRONGRAD! Get Me a Danish!

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It's a Rose of the Prophet Mohammed. Get it right you infidel dog!


Command: Feed Didymus to Granny C.

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You coat him in a dry spice rub, then marinate him over night. You grill him to perfection, then arrange him artistically on a plate with some fava beans and a fine chianti. Unfortunately, Granny C forgot her dentures, so all she eats is the soup. ALL THAT TROUBLE AND IT WENT TO WASTE'D!!

Type: Thwackinate PizzaTrophy's X-BF.

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BTG thwackinates PT ex-BF with the Poopsmith's shovel.


Command: Use Axe Body Spray on Trogdor.

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Just as you're about to spray, StrongRad runs up to you, "NOOOOoooooo it's FLAMMABLE!!!!... Oh, wait, go ahead". You wonder why StrongRad puts on an aluminum fire suit thing.

Command: Go to Chiropractor Mountain

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You go to chiropractor mountain. Your back breaks. The mountain is renamed "BrokenBack Mountain" You, on the other hand, aren't renamed at all, you're dead.

Command: Shoot Funtime®Bow at bob!

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Jello B gets an arrow stuck in his rear. He's not too happy about it at all. Guess who's going to be the subject of his next cartoon adventure. FLASHINATE'D!!

(Man, I love thwackinating our lady-types' X-BF's!)

Type: Paint Jones Green.

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Jones rejects the green paint, at first. Next thing you know, he's loving it. He dumps paint on everyone around him. Suddenly, his Green Man Group has a show in Branson, Mo.
WEIRD ARTSY SHOW IN REDNECK VEGAS'D!

Command: Recycle Knight

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Oh, man! That was hilarious! You take the knight down to the local recycle center. He weighs about 200 lb., so they give you about 38¢. Don't spend it all in one place.

Type: Scan for lifeforms.

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You scan for life forms, but the lifeforms don't like to be scanned. They accelerate your aging process. You die at the age of 113 shortly after your 37th birthday. Maybe you should have ordered that android to scan the life forms for you.

:>Ask the Klingon a few questions.

He answers you, "Hragk! Ker-PLAHG! NGAK! BLAVG!" You have no clue what he's saying. Finally, he just chops your head off with his big knife-thingy whatever you call it.

Type: Pour gasoline on it.

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It isn't very nice to pour gasoline on a kitten. It was also a bad idea. The cat somehow managed to ignite the gasoline and ran towards the TNT under your feet. Maybe you shouldn't have typed "stand on TNT" either. YOUR FEET A'SPLODE !!!

:>Talk to Cardassian

He says he won that gas mine in a card game. He gripes about supply problems, labor disputes, etc., etc. He sounds almost like a responsible businessman. He says the operation is too small to be noticed by the mining guild. The Empire can be a problem, but he's made a recent deal that will solve that problem. Unfortunately, there's a guy with a black mask breathing real heavy seated at the head of the table.

Type: Let the King have some!

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I said Cardassian, not Calrissian.

You let the King have some... some... bunnies.... Marzipan hates you now... um, she poured something down your pants and it was so cold you didn't pay attention to that truck. The truck ran you over. Your dead. Thank you for playing.

:>Drink Klingon Blood Wine

You turn into a Klingon Bampire. AAAARRRRGGGGBLLBLBLBL!! You get staked in the heart. Oh, Trevor! I pine for you!

Type: Barbeque!

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You have no meat to cook, so you smoke an old tennis shoe for about 14 hours. It's suprisingly good, too, til some 'tard puts "barbecue sauce" on it. You cooked the shoe correctly, there's no need for sauce to cover up your inferior cooking skills.

Command: Run. Don't ask questions. Just run.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You run, and do not ask questions. Unfortunately, when you got onto the next screen, you should have stopped and typed "Look Punji Pit." If you had, you would have seen that it was filled with punji spikes (hence the name), and probably would have avoided falling into it. As it is, you didn't ask, and ran straight into it. GAME = VERY OVER! YOU = VERY DEAD! KEEP TRY!!

Type: Tell Jhonka that Kerrek has a crush on him.

(suggestion: the word "crush" does have multiple meanings, you know.)

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Jhonka reaches up and pulls the can of Crush off his head. He tries to drink it, but it's been shaken for several hours. It spews all over the place. He thinks it's a little too "convenient" that you noticed the can and blames the whole thing on you. You dead.

Command: Invite King of Town to a NASCAR race.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

"Let the King have some!" he yells as he jumps down from the stands and into the pit. He starts eating all the spare tires, thinking that they're doughnuts. "Isn't there supposed to be a cardboard box covered in syrup around here?" he wonders. By the end of the race, he's eaten at least half the drivers and most of the cars. Should have just taken him to a baseball game instead.

Type: Infiltrate Municipality.

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You try to walk in the front gate, but all the loudspeakers blaring "Support the Municipality" and all the dudes in riot gear make you think that might not be a good idea. Perhaps you should ask that nice coyote you met a couple miles back for some help.

Command: Ask W.E. Coyote for assistance in infiltrating the Municipality

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Wile E. sets you up the catapult. You hurtle into the side of the castle, hitting the parapet right square in the middle, leaving a "Rather Dashing" shaped impression in it. You then fall off the parapet and land right in the middle of that army of Poopsmiths.


Type: Maybe ask that wascally wabbit for some help instead.

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MY HEAD A SPLODE

Elwood Blues

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

*OMG EASTER EGG!!!* You've found a secret, as a reward, you get DRY WHITE TOAST (+2)

Command: Launch Cow

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

The franch aim their cow launchers at you. "Fire Away" shouts the commander. You dodge, but squish a swollow carrying a coconut. A red-eyed rabbit kills your head off before you can detonate the holy hand grenade.


Command: Splode Your Doge!

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