Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

You try to make candy out of prunes. They are really popular with the 70+ crowd, but don't have much of a market otherwise. You sell like maybe a dozen before your target demographic dies off.

Type: put taco on fishing pole.

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You put the taco on the end of your fishing pole. It falls off.
You pick it up and put it back on. It falls off again. You're gonna have to duct tape it on there (and I'm really not sure why you want a taco on your fishing pole anyway.).

Command: Summon Red Green

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You put on your flannel plaid shirt and gaudy suspenders. You duct-tape mystic symbols onto the floor and chant the words, "I'm a man! But I can change! If I have to! I guess!" And *POOF!!* he appears! "Now, 'member, if the girls don't find you handsome, at least they'll find you handy!" Together, you construct an awexome Trog-a-pult using duct tape. Unfortunately, you accidentally pult yourself right into Trogdor's left nostril. And get run over by the Millennium Falcon. Insert Buckazoid to Continue!

Type: Order Pay-Per-View.

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You order Pay Per View, but the guy on the other end of the phone call mis-hears you as wanting to order paper view. He doesn't have a clue what that is, so he just sends you a pack of copy paper he finds in the cabinet.
YOU GOT COPY PAPER

Command: Build squadron of paper airplanes out of COPY PAPER.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You make a squadron of airplanes out of the copy paper. You now have PPR ARPLN SQDRN!

Throw PPR ARPLN SQDRN at King.

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You build seventeen paper airplanes and then get a nasty paper cut, and Rosie O' Donnel comes up and pours lemon juice on it. OUCH'd

Command: Instert disc one.

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You "Instert" Disk One. Unfortunately, "instert" is the ancient Peasantrian word for "shove in your ear." Now you have a disk shoved in your hear, and you can't seem to hear so good when Naked Ned yells, "Look Out! The Kerrek Is Behind You!" SQUISHINATED!!

Type: Instert Q-Tip.

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You insert the Q-tip, unfortunately, you stuck it up Trogdor's nose, waking him up. BURNINATED!

Command:Shoot your processor.

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Your computer is in a better place now. Or more like, it's in the same place, but with a big hole in it. But at least Peasantry is cured from that evil virus!

Type: Gunter Glieben Glauten Globen!

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All the girlies say you're pretty fly for a white peasant, then, for no reason at all, a big rock falls on your head. On that rock are words like "Ice, Stone, Bronze, Iron, Information, etc.." Guess you could say it's one for the ages. Well, you can't because you're dead, but someone could.

Command: One, Two, Three, Fourteen!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You jump up and down to the steady beat of the Drill Saergent, when all of a sudden, a big T-Rex comes up and eats you all up. CHOMP'd

Command: Jump on a modem.

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You dial up your intarwebs connection, then type a precise series of keys followed by Delete. FREAK OUT! Now you've jumped onto your modem and into the Intarwebs. Say Hi to Ceiling Cat for me.

Type: Make out with truck.

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MAKEOUTAGE!
Unfortunately, the truck doesn't stop. You're dead now. Boo-urns.

Command: Ask "Sir" if he knows the times.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

"Aye! It be timeth for thee to shutteth up!" he replies.

Type: STERRENCE-CHU, I CHOOSE YOU!!

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Your opponent throws Cheat-Ball at you. A bunch of numbers start flashing all over the place. You're not sure what you're supposed to do. Your head a'splode. Quite painful, that is.

Command: Lick cold flagpole.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Ooookaaaay. Now you're stuck to the flagpole. And the Knight pantses you, and runs away laughing.

Type: Get Red Rider BB Gun.

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You can't get ye BB gun. You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

Command: take Christmas tree outside and set it on fire, that things gotta be pretty dry by now.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

FROOSH!!! You burninate yourself. Oh, well. At least you saved Trogdor the trouble.

Hot-glue pants on [s]Rusty[/s] Naked Ned.

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After much (and I do mean much) struggle, you glue the pants onto Naked Ned. Dark Grapefruit runs by, and in her normal kleptomaniacal fashion, grabs his pants and gives out a "yoink!" as she steals his pant. Unfortunately, the scream that follows isn't so much of the normal "MY PANTS!!" as it is "OH MY GOD!! YOU RIPPED THE SKIN OFF MY LEGS!!!!".


Command: Play hockey with Karl Malone.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You try to play hockey with Karl Malone, but he can't skate. He gets angry a throws the puck at you so hard that you are killed on impact.


COMMAND: Fencing: Redneck style

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You and Bubba head on off to de barn to do some fencin'. Yer paw comes out here with da chickens. Bubba gits to pick his chicken, and you gits the odder. Dem chickens doesn't likes to be used as foils, and they cluckin' and carryin' on raises a big ol' ruckus, feathers flyin' everywhere. But then, you knocks Bubba's chicken out his hands. TOUCHE! You's da winner! The loser has to fry they chicken fer dinner.

Type: Create new sport using motor oil, ping pong paddles, and silly string.

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The CUKDS (Council for the Upholding of Kingdom Decency Standards) rates your game as "Mature". As we all know, mature games can't be sold in the kingdom. Some mean, fat kid pops up and laughs at you. "HAA HAA!'D!".

Command: Ask Coach Z to explain the infield fly rule.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Coach Z appears, but unfortunately he has had too much mouthwash tonight.

"WELL, HAMSTRAY, A GOOD SPORTS RULE IS LIKE A GOOD SPORTS PLAY. YOU CAN'T JUST PRANCE RIGHT UP TO THE GOAL POSTS. YOU'D GET CLOBBERED! INSTEAD, YOU GOTTA GET ME A HAM SANDWICH. OR MAYBE SOME BEETLOAF. AM I TALKING TOO QUIET? WHERE'S MY BOUNCE THING? 1 2 4 TEA MAKES ONE PLUS BUBS Z! FEELIN' WOOZY..." He faints. You have learned nothing.

>annoy grue

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So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?

Both moons are full. The Grue won't do anything with that much moonlight. You could set his feet on fire and he'd just sit there, staring at the ceiling fan.

Command: Go to Super Bowl.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Clark Kent pours milk on you and eats you with his cereal.

Type: Annoy Groo.

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You call Annoy Groo. He's tired of people asking about the origins of his name, so he simply tells you that he changed it after losing a bet. Annoy Groo gives you a baseball bat, a book of matches, and a can of tuna, saying that, when you're ready, you'll know what they're for.

Command: TNT

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

BOOM!!
YOUR HEAD A SPLODE!!
(Well, what did you expect?)

Type: Eat "Free Bird Seed" in middle of road.

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You eat the bird seed, perfectly oblivious of the big X that it's sitting in..

A coyote attempts to drop a big weight on you. He pushes it off a cliff, but it doesn't fall. It just sits there, until he jumps up and down on it. Then, it falls. You continue eating. A big blue bird runs up and shouts at you "Meep Meep!", but you ignore him, not knowing what he means.
The weight + coyote system smashes down on you. You dead. Apparently, "Meep Meep!" means "there's a big freakin' weight with a coyote on top falling towards you".

Command: Couscous!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

No one wants couscous! They want potatoes!



Command: Treat Hannibal Lecter to a dinner of liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. *hisses*

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Hannibal enjoys his fine dinner. Apparently, the liver was nice and tenderized due to the owner's rampant use of alcohol. He gives you and A+ and promises not to eat you...THIS Time!

Type: Give Zorak some gum.

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