Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

The Braves Win! *Tomahawk Chop*

Type: Use Cheesecake of Goodness.

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The cheesecake of goodness is powerful, but it is no match for the turtle cheesecake of goodness, which is what you really need for what you're trying to accomplish.

Command: Lights, camera, umm...

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

"ACTION!" screams your lead actress. "It's action, you stupid sack of ooze!" She sweeps away from the set in a huff. "I can't work with these hacks! WHERE'S MY EVIAN? BRING ME MY EVIAN!" As she pulls out her cellphone - she has her agent on speed dial - you realize with a horrible sinking feeling in your stomach that you are so fired.


>attack vending machine

You tackle the vending maching, only, since it's bigger and heavier than you, it falls on you. You get your tater chips, but you're almost crushed in the process. Was it worth it? Possibly.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You go nuts.

Do: Use candy corn on tv screen.

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Actually, screw this. I'm out.

CANDY CORN'D!
Ok, so you have found a use for the stuff; it makes good "throw at TV things".. That's a lot better than that baseball you usually throw.

Command: Put finger in automatic stapler

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Whoa! That was fun. Tough your finger's quite sore now...

Command: Raise baby

You raise the baby. He grows into a man. You want to hang out with him, but he's too busy trying to kill Trogdor... He's grown up just like you.
..."and the cat's in the cradle..."

Command: electrocute notebook.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

No matter what your cousin Randolph told you, that is not how they make notebook computers, so don't even try.
Everyone knows you need to use a college-ruled notebook. Idiot!


>summon John Lennon then say: John, you're a jobbly sprokmonger.

John Lennon is a sporkmonger? I know that Ringo Star's mom invented White Out, but I didn't know John Lennon had anything to do with sporks! You hear that Einoo?

Type: Wear Michael Jordan's shoes.

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He grabs them from you and says "hey, those are mine!" Ah, it's ok, they didn't make you jump any higher, anyway


Command: Get a job, ya bum!

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Now what kind of job can you get for your bum? Sitting down? Being looked at by lady types? Making loud smelly noises? That's It! Find a company that needs someone to produce loud smelly noises, and your bum is hired!

Type: Fire bum!

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You fire the bum. You're suprised at the range of the bum, as well as the explosion he creates when he hits the ground. The explosion was great enough to destroy as certain burninator.. Too bad that was the last bum.

Command: Kick XWin to the curb

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You do that. And it does something really cool, but...um...I forgot what it was? Anyway, congratulations! You are now XWin free. Whatever that means.

Type: Set coordinates for TCBY!

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Your crew mutinies and sets sail for Baskin Robbins, leaving you tied to a signpost on a roundabout.


>Luke, use the Force

LAWSUITED BY GEORGE LUCAS'D!

Eat the Magical Pudding.

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Eat pudding, magically become lactose intolerant.


Go Commando.

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Waaaay ahead of ya, bub!


Command: Steal Didymus' +3 FCOT and replace it with a +1 FCOT

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You *singing* Buy All The Playsets And Toys! *tuba note*

SIMULPOST'D!!

The above was for BTG.

SR: Man, you like to live dangerously, don't you? Which is why you seem to have trouble winning this game! ANYWAY--*carnage too graphic to be described here*! That'll Learn Ya!

Type: Steal Coach Z's Bandaid Collection.

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You're about to make it out of the locker room when he spots you. You have to sit through his "loving a girl" speech AND you have to listen to him sing Snow's "Informer"... With all the extra syllables, it takes a while.

Command: Help Kerrek duct tape Jhonka to door.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You do that, but Kerrek is a teetotaler and won't want a cold one from you.
Command: Watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail with Hilary Duff.

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Hilary's IQ is too low to appreciate the subtleties of British humor. She roots for the Rabbit.

Type: Tell King of Peasantry that Trogdor ate his vegetable garden.

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You tell the king that, but the king is no idiot. Trogdor doesn't eat vegetables. You are killed for lying to royalty. CAPITAL PUNISHMENT'D!

Eat sausage patty.

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It was from McDonald's, which means it has Meat Clown Artery Clogging Lard (pat pending) all in it. CORONARY'D!!

Type: Nail Theses to door.

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As you're trying, they open the door. You, not paying attention nail the theses to the guy that opened the door's head.

Command: Set Kyle on fire

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

You hear a muffled cry which sounds vaguely like "NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!" and watch in shock as a boy in an orange anorak leaps in front of the flaming arrow.
"Kenny, no!" cries Kyle, but 'tis too late.
You've taken an innocent life. And been accused of being a child born out of wedlock for your troubles.


>give 1-up pudding

A generous supply of mucus is excreted through his nostrils. Now you have item: Generous Supply of Mucus.

Type: Put Raven Action Figure under giant boulder.

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Someone resembling Homestar, but funkier, prances up to the boulder.
"GASPETH!" says the Funk Star. "Fear not, tiny replica* Raven! I shall save you!" With superhuman strength, he doth lifteth the boulder and throw it far anon, retrieving the Raven, which he takes home to... *ahem* "nurse back to health".
Meanwhile, the boulder he dothed liftethed and throwethed far anon comes crashing down upon your head.

I folk say you dead.


>homeowner, do you prefer eggs or tp


*tiny replica=REFERENCE'D!

Ye Homeowner says, "Both!" The he proceeds to pelt you with eggs and TP until you can barely move. EGG'D and TP'D!!

Type: Throw clown off cliff.

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Everybody loves a clown, so why don't you? Anyway, even if you're unfamiliar with your trickster mythology, surely you've at least seen your Wile E. Coyote/Road Runner cartoons. It just doesn't pay to try to push the funny, lovable, mischeivous guy off a cliff. Anyway, somehow it backfires blahblahlblah you plummet to your squishy death.

TOTPD!

>poopsmith, sing karaoke