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5hut the phuxx0rs up! U NOOB 1337 h4xx0r!
No joke! This really works!
Trust me, Elvis rose from the grave to tell me that this would work. I'm not kidding!
Let me start from the beginning..
It was 1972. The birds were humming peacefully as the drunken senators rode down the highway, celebrating the fourth victory for the US against the South American pigeons. John smiled at their foolish antics, as he mindlessly walked down the road, into the fog, He continued walking, despite the inability to see clearly, when all of the sudden, disaster struck. Down from the sky fell a man wearing a blue eye patch.
"Sorry there, mate!" The man said, "Have a complimentary fork!" he continued, holding a spoon. John kindly declined and continued walking to the west to see his aunt, who had recently caught on fire and was in the hospital. But, little did John know, the path before him held terrible misfortune, for at that very moment, Jimmy Carter ran from behind his bush.
"Hey hey!! Wanna buy some encyclopedias?!?" Jimmy Carter yelled, but John was quick to react, and ran screaming like a small child, or maybe a goat, into the forest. John hated all things encyclopedia worthy, from Aaron A. Abcot to the common misspelling of zylophone. However, inside the forest, an impending doom awaited John - and I really mean it this time! -for when John entered far enough into he forest, a band of ravenous kangaroos emerged from the ground, holding all sorts of office supplies and discount coupons. John sprinted away, trembling in fear, but there was no escaping the kangaroos' persuasive sales pitches.
The fate of John is unknown, except to the unwise few who have received this message. If you do not follow the instructions below and send this to 17 people/pets/confidential government agencies, you too will be doomed to have the same fate as John. Do you want that? Answer me! Answer me now!
To avoid this devilish fate, you must complete the following steps..
1. Think of a wish
2. Keep thinking... get a wish!
3. You can do it! Think of a wish!
4. Completely forget he wish that took you three whole steps to think of, you slow, unintelligent, chimpanzee-type-creature! Yes, you!
5. Examine the objects in the room you are currently in. Count the number of clocks.
6. Turn on the faucet in the east-most bathroom in your house. Let it run for exactly 9.7 seconds.
7. Let sit in microwave for 2 minutes before serving.
8. Type in the URL of your favorite website and start yelling at it.
9. Send this email to 17 people/pets/confidential government agencies. Milking goats will do.
10. Address your brother or sister as "Rancid Moe"
11. Buy a bag of flour and start eating from it. It's better than you think..
12. Walk up to the person nearest to you and bite them on the shoulder. If they raise their discontent, continue biting.
13. Repeat steps 6-10 for best results
If you abide by these rules, you will find a small rabbit in a pouch which will appear on your window pane, who will give you a complimentary muffin. If you do not, your fate will be a sad, unfortunate one, filled with shredded wheat and ancient Egyptian folk tales. Your fate is in your hands! Choose - the path of happiness, or the path of miniature sacks of nuts. Do it! Do it now!
Yours Truly,
A basket of eggs
_________________
No, I lied. I'm never going to have a good sig. So just forget about it.
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-KAWKAW 
says:
