|
It was another lovely day in Morrison, but unfortuantely, so many people stayed at Red Rocks that the town was incredibly overpopulated. Something had to be done...eventually.
IantheGecko was working on another piece of lovely spinart, in tribute to his favorite band EVER, Blue Man Group.
"Aaahhhh, now to spin the canvas and add the blue!" Ian gave the canvas a good spin & sprayed on some blue spray paint.
But the canvas kept spinning. "Oh, no! It's out of control! ARGLE-BARGEL-BUBBLE!" The canvas spun so fast that it spun off the ball bearings like a killer ceiling fan, slicing through Ian's neck like a Ginsu Gold knife. Teh Gecko was no more...
*****
Ju Ju Master was teaching his Ju Ju class at the town Ju Ju dojo, cabbage pieces in hand.
"Ju Ju Student must be one with cabbage, for cabbage is volatile vegetable. A violent hand creates chaos, but a gentle hand produces defense."
Suddenly the little bitty cabbage piece grew 8 feet. "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!" Ju Ju Master ran as fast as he could to escape the monstrous vegetable. "Bad cabbage! BAD!" But even the Master was no match for Kabbage Kong, who quickly caught him & gulped him down in his cabbage-y belly. Clearly, Ju Ju Master was no legend...
*****
Puhples, Color Printer, and Homeschool Winner had a grudge. Against the atmosphere.
"This stupid air! Why does it have to be everywhere?"
"I KNOW! Why can't we all live underwater, like sharks?"
"AIR MUST DIE!!! I'm-a gonna KILL it!" The Winner whipped out his lead 6-shooter. "EAT TRANSITION METAL, YOU NON-NOBLE GAS!" Homeschool shot high up in the sky. "Yarr, never works..."
The bullet happened to land just a few inches away from Neo, who was loading up his Dripping Meat Crossbow.
"The Anti-Air Alliance has gone too far! Homeschool Winner must be taken care of." Neo picked up his Dripping Meat Crossbow, & headed for the self-storage complex.
*****
Meanwhile, Smorky was calibrating the "lasers" for his Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads. "Hmm...what color should the 'lasers' be? How about Classic Glowing Red?" Smorky adjusted the necessary, um, thingies in his machines to get the red color.
Don't ask me what they are. Smorky's the "laser" expert here.
However, the red was SO bright, it burned out Smorky's retinas. "HOLY CABOOSES! MY EYES! MY GORGEOUS EYES!!!" Smorky stumbled around his Underground Lair before falling into the Tank of Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads. I guess you could say he had no...vision for his experiments? *Mike Myers laugh* Eh, he he he...uuhhh...
*****
Back in town, Neo showed up at Homeschool's rental.
"Listen, Bub! You've gotta stop hating on air!"
"NEVER! For way too long, air has infected the Earth with its gaseousness. WATER SHALL RULE!!!"
"Water, eh?" Neo raised his crossbow. "Drink this, fish boy." Neo pulled the trigger on his Dripping Meat Crossbow, sending dripping meat into Homeschool's mouth. One particular piece of lamb severed his windpipe, freeing Homeschool from the evils of air.
Homeschool lay dead and breathless, stuffed with meat. The Winner had finished dead last...
*****
Snailmail & Einoo were at a Cheese-Eating Party.
"This is some AWESOME cheese, 'noo!"
"Thanks, Snailmail! My sporky friends helped me spork it."
"It's always the sporks with you."
"I AM a spork! What do you expect?!?"
"Yeah, but you're not a Smurf."
"What's wrong with them?"
"Nothing, I was just-"
"NOBODY MOVE!" BTG burst in with his pair of 50-gauge pistols. "GIMME ALL YOUR CHEESE IN A PORTABLE COOLER OR THE FONDUE POT GETS IT!!!"
"Now, wait just a cottage-pickin' minute!" Snailmail yelled. "Why would you put CHEESE in a cooler?"
"Don't ask me how I do things! My name is a location!"
Einoo & Snail pulled out their Miniguns. "YOU WILL NEVER TAKE OUR CHEESE!!!"
With one fire from each cheese eater, Beyond the Grave was headed to his grave.
"That takes care of that. How about some Tillamook?"
"Yes, PLEASE!"
*****
Shishu was the Sushi Queen of Morrison, Colorado. Then again, she had the only sushi place in town, so it didn't really count. Anyway, one customer placed an order for fugu, a highly toxic pufferfish.
"I'd better get this right this time! That food poisoning lawsuit nearly shut me down."
Shishu carefully sliced the fugu down to the tiny, non-poisonous sliver. "I'm hungry...don't wanna let all this fish go to waste..."
Sadly, and absent-mindedly, Shishu ate the entire rest of the fugu meat, killing her within 15 minutes. "But that Simpsons episode said I had 22 hours!"
SEAN'D! and Exhibit A waited in the tables of Shishu's restaurant.
"What's taking her so long? I want my fugu!" SEAN'D! banged on the table hungrily.
Exhibit A sipped a little tea. "Patience, grasshopper."
"You've been around that Ju Ju Master again, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have."
"What's so special about him, anyway?"
"He knows the art of fighting with cabbage pieces. I have a brown belt."
"Well, good for you." SEAN'D! smirked. "Hey, wanna Swiss Army Knife?"
"Sure! I have a collection in my living room."
"I meant in your jugular vein, idiot!" SEAN'D! threw his Swiss Army Knife into Exhibit A's jugular like a bull's-eye dart. Almost by reflex, Exhibit A whipped out a piece of cabbage & chucked it like a throwing star into SEAN'D!'s eye.
The lesson here: LEAVE RED ROCKS ONCE THE CONCERT'S OVER! Oh, & killing people is wrong.
Still Alive:
Color Printer
Puhples
Snailmail
Einoo
Neo
PM me with your choices, alive people!
_________________ 
Last edited by IantheGecko on Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:17 am, edited 2 times in total.
|
Log in
Wiki
FAQ
Search
