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No mixups or changeups or anything this time. Just a really long writeup cuz I have waaaay too much time right now. I've labeled the storylines so you don't have to read it all if you don't feel like it. There's an main storyline, and separate ones for Ian & Teff and SEAN'D & King of Katamari.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
RAF-9
Freezing all other RAFs it touches
ROUND 1
So away they stormed, each separately, deciding to move on with their lives instead of dealing with a game mod who won't shut up about W*lly W*nka. mew4ever stopped for a second before leaving the grounds of the arena as if realizing something. "Wait a second, I came here to play this game, and we're gonna play it! EVERYONE GET BACK HERE!! HEY! Is anyone listening?" In fact, no, they'd all already made up their minds put this nonsense behind them.
-[Main Story]--------------------------------------
teh cheatsaurus was especially mad that the game had seemingly been called off, because she had better things to do with her time. Having to go to this game was taking precious study time away, and to have it cancelled like that... well, a 15-minute waste of time that's no fun at all always gets a person more mad than a 2-hour waste of time that's awesome. People are weird like that. Anyway, she went to the bookstore because her school's too cheap to pay for the AP textbooks, so she'd been stickin' it to the man by doing all her studying with the copy in the store. She now has the superpower of being able to tell you what every item at the bookstore coffeeshop costs after tax since she's spent more than the cost of the book on the overpriced but irresistible morsels they sell. She sat down at a table and opened the book. Ugh, someone else had left crumbs and jelly and... a bag of tea? somehow? ...in the book, and drawn an emo haircut on Hitler next to Mussolini firin' his lazor. A bookstore worker walked up behind t.c., who just happened to have a jelly-topped danish, a cup of tea, and her pencil next to the book looking real suspicious. Yeah, she's gotta buy the book now.
Droideka walked in just then and went to the section where they have all those frilly diaries. "Maybe something in here will tell me about how to express human emotions. Hmm.. Moleskine... Hello Kitty... Long range weaponry... Ramrod a Day... wait, weaponry?" He picked up a box labeled "PATENTED LiveJournal Gun! Tired of wasting time on entries? Incapable of showing emotion? Press the trigger, and pages upon pages of angst and memes will flow out ready for use!" "Ahh, A mechanical solution for a sentient mechanical being! Perfect!" He bought it and walked outside, where he spent the next 20 minutes trying to get it out of the packaging.
Norman Rorqual and WierdAlFan decided to get back to work on their latest graffiti art attempt, but when they got there they decided the location sucked. "No one's gonna be able to see this thing way back in this alley behind this dumpster," WAF said. "We need somewhere big, somewhere everyone will notice."
"Like all around the top of the tallest building?"
"Yeah, that'd be sweet! If only..."
"...I were Spiderman?"
"..um.. sure, I was gonna say if only we had ropes and harnesses or maybe one of those window cleaning platforms. You know, something realistic."
"Well I AM Spiderman."
"No you're not."
"Yeah I am, watch." and Norman spun webs of various sizes and caught thieves just like flies. WAF was obviously impressed, and Norman said "C'mon, let's go do some 'urban art' or whatever the kids are calling it now." WAF hopped on Norman's back with a can of spraypaint in each hand shouting "HOORAY! I'M FRIENDS WITH SPIDERMAN!!" as they swung off to a better concrete canvas high up in the sky.
-[Teff & Ian]-------------------------------------
Teff was bored. It was 10AM, so there was nothing good open and no fly honeys to hang out with yet. On his way home, he called all his friends to see if any of them were awake (...now they are...), "absentmindedly" bumped into the people in the park pretending to be statues, paid a bum to run naked into a McDonalds shouting "CHEESEBURGER", squirted ketchup and mustard onto cars from an overpass, and walked through a church rapping "[Darn] it feels good to be a gangsta." By 10:05, he was home and still bored. He decided to remedy that with the infinite fun of high explosives linked to a Rube Goldberg machine. By 10:30 the machine was built and set in motion, but after watching the various steps for two minutes, ADD kicked in again and he turned around to watch whatever was on TV, turning his back to the explosives mere feet behind him, lost in the soothing, witty glow of the Golden Girls. (Hey, what else is on at 10:30AM on a weekday? No really, what is? I haven't had a TV in years.)
-[SEAN'D & King of Katamari]----------------------------------------
SEAN'D wasn't too upset that the game wasn't happening, because they'd just delivered the new weapon he ordered that morning and he hadn't had time to put it together yet. "Dude, you should come see this thing I got in the mail this morning," he said to King of Katamari, "It'd've [pronounced ittiduv] mowed down all of ya."
"Eh, OK, I don't have anything else going on." Katamari replied.
So they went over to Sean's house and there by the front door was a box containing the legendary Airzooka. When they got it assembled, it practically radiated majesty.
"Wow," said Katamari, "how does it work?"
"It shoots air."
"Air. It shoots air?"
"Yeah, air."
"Like, air is shot by the airzooka?"
"Exactly."
"Wait.. does that mean the air is targeted by it or that it uses air to-" BLAM! ...thud. "You.. just killed a bird."
"I know, right?"
Katamari gave Sean an icy cold stare.
"Hey, watch it man, that stare could kill! Why don't you aim it at some ducks flying by instead and we could eat like kings!"
"Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea." So they walked down the street, inflicting mayhem upon the avian population without a license.
-[Ian & Teff]--------------------------------------
As maybe always happens when he's feeling a little miffed and introspective, Ian walked, without even thinking about it, in the direction of the town's theater district. That's stage theater ya philistine. Slowly, his anger morphed from the state of the RAF game to a more pressing issue: if this game ended prematurely from its mismanagement, Teff would still be the reigning champion! This aggression will not stand! A flash of inspiration hit him and a wry grin passed across his face as he turned around and ran back to the arena where Inverse was still in the doorway singing Oompa Loompa songs.
"Hey man, you gotta let me use your fursuit."
"Fursuit? What fursuit?"
"The one you're wearing right now, c'mon, let me use it. I don't want to get Teff's blood all over mine while killing him with it in a horrendously ironic way."
"Sorry, man, I don't own one. I'm not that into tiger stuff."
"Look, here, just give it." Ian started trying to pull off Inverse's head.
"Owww, my totally human head! The pain!"
"Oh, so it's not a suit and you really are tiger-dude in this place. I see."
Rubbing his head Inverse growled, "Whaa? That's messed up man. I'm absolutely a normal guy."
Ian's eyes narrowed. "Fine, I'll just get one some other way you strange person." He started to walk away, but then turned around and gave Inverse's tail a good yank before leaving.
"YOWWWW! I have absolutely no idea how you hurt me just now!"
-[Main Story]--------------------------------------
mew4ever was determined to make this game work, and decided to act as if everyone was still playing it. There was only one problem: no weapon. As he paced past the bookstore, he saw Droideka, who finally bust open the plastic dungeon that contained his LJ Gun. The droid happened to already be carrying a Meteor Storm Gun he got while in a robot competition last week, and put that to one side while he read the LJ Gun manual. "Hm... aim gun.. pull trigger. Seems easy enough." When he turned around, mew4ever had grabbed the Meteor Storm Gun.
"Don't move, you! I got this here gun, and I'm gonna actually play this game unlike everyone else. You're dead, man."
"Um.. I don't think so. I'll shoot you with this and it'll papercut you to death."
"Hm.. Touché robot. I'll just get the next person who walks out this door."
"Fine with me," Droideka shrugged, and started examining the knobs on the gun labeled "Emo Level" and "JPEG Saturation".
Soon after, teh cheatsaurus stormed out of the bookstore with her disgusting $100 textbook. "Ugh, this book's been nothing but trouble. I don't care if I never see this book AGAIN!" she screamed as she threw it straight up in the air and then stood there with her arms crossed, glowering, as the book started back down with a trajectory that would go right through her head. mew4ever aimed the gun, drawing a laser bead on her that guided a swarm of meteors down from the sky. What happened next is so complicated and ridiculous that you have to suspend your concept of time.
OK, so Norman was swinging along with WAF spraypainting things randomly on the way to some really tall thing, when he decided he had something to confide. "You know what, man? I'm... not really Spiderman."
"What?"
"Yeah, I've just been pretending."
"Are you serioooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!" The web had disappeared and their momentum was projecting them forward a few feet above the ground. As they flew by the front of the bookstore, WierdAlFan accidentally sprayed mew4ever in the eyes, blinding him, as Norman's flailing limbs hit mew and made him spin around, disorienting him. Just then, Droideka got his LJ gun working, but accidentally hit the trigger, littering the street with all kinds of papers, which mew tripped on as he tried to run blindly away from this crazy scene. The meteors, as they fell, hit the book teh cheatsaurus had thrown up in the air, deflecting the book harmlessly off to one side and the meteors onto a path which ended, unfortunately, on mew4ever. It was not a pretty sight. A surprised t.c. picked up the book with a newfound appreciation and walked off slowly. Droideka decided the least he could do was give the meteor-crushed mew a decent sendoff, and managed to get in a Star Wars ref by making a funeral pyre out of the pile of LJ printouts and playing the appropriate John Williams-penned music through his pimp-ed out internal soundsystem.
-[Ian & Teff]-------------------------------------
"Oh, Blanche, when will you ever learn?"
The machine behind Teff clicked into its final gears. A fan blew a cardboard sail which pushed over a hammer which started the contraption on a game of Mouse Trap. When the trap fell, it fell on a button which sparked a lighter which lit a fuse that slowly moved toward a gasoline soaked rag in a bucket of thermite placed three feet above a crate of gunpowder. As the fuse burned down, Ian snuck in with a gecko suit he mugged from some dude outside an insurance building he passed on the way over. He made his way stealthily up behind Teff, who was transfixed by Rose's charming naiveté. Ian's green, fursuited hands moved toward Teff's neck. Sophia's aged wisdom made Teff sigh wistfully. Ian sniffed involuntarily. "Is something burning?" Just then, the thermite reaction reached full speed. Sparks flew everywhere as molten iron poured out from the bottom of the container, landing on the gunpowder, which exploded most awesomely. But Ian, who had put himself right between Teff and the gunpowder, took most of the explosion, and he collapsed down onto Teff.
"Ian! You, you saved my life! Now get offa me." Ian slumped off to one side as Teff stood up.
"...why won't you ever die..."
"Huh? You're so weak I can't even understand you. Did you say you're in such pain you want to die? That sucks man, but I'll do anything to help you after saving me like that. Lemme go find something..." Teff left to find some kind of way to put Ian out of his misery but got distracted by the sound of birds falling on his house and went outside. Ian was left slumped over a chair in front of the TV, groaning, with only those sassy ol' girls to console him. But then Dorothy said some retarded thing about ice cream going to her thighs, so Ian's soul decided then and there it'd had enough of this awful world where such a show could exist, using his body's highly damaged state as an excuse to make an exit.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Teff targets self with [unspecified, so... Rube Goldberg x explosives x The Golden Girls]
Ian targets Teff with fursuit
Ian (who may or may not actually hate the Golden Girls) dead.
teh cheatsaurus targets self with AP European History Textbook
mew4ever targets teh cheatsaurus with a meteor storm gun [may function differently from the one in the game it's from]
WierdAlFan targets mew4ever with spray paint
Norman Rorqual targets mew4ever with pretending to be Spiderman
Droideka targets mew4ever with patented LiveJournal gun
mew4ever dead
SEAN'D targets air with an airzooka
King of Katamari targets air with [unspecified: icy cold stare of death]
hundreds of birds dead
Still alive:
Teff
teh cheatsaurus
WierdAlFan
Norman Rorqual
Droideka
SEAN'D
King of Katamari
Wow, lots of people still. SEND FOR EVENTFUL ROUND 2!
As I said up there, let's try to keep this rolling. Get those PMs in by next Thursday. Peeps who don't shoot air.
(notice how dirty Willy Wonka's name looks with those asterisks in it up there? weird.)
_________________ ATTN: LOWER BOARD USERS HAVE MOVED TO ANOTHER FORUM. COME JOIN THE FUN!
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