Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Granted! Your new name is "nobody". You are angry, forever!

I wish that punk rock was more popular.

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No, I lied. I'm never going to have a good sig. So just forget about it.

ok, punk rock is now popular among old people and therefore sucks as bad as "american dad"

I wish i could drive.

OK, you can drive. You wreck, but you don't die. Unfortunately, you don't have insurance, so not only do you go to jail, but you also have to pay a $12,000 fine for damages. And you're being sued for $3,000,000 over the loss of the other driver's eye, and again for $4,500,000 over the loss of the third driver's left arm. Aren't you glad you didn't die?

I wish I had a million dollars.

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A safe with $1 million falls on your head, crushing your spine. OW MY SPINE'D!!

I wish pizzas around the world would fly away TO THE MOOOOOOOOOON!!

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The pizzas on the moon cause a disturbance in the gravitational pull between Earth and the moon, so there would be a huge tidal wave which would destroy the Earth. GRATZ!

I wish my chair would stop squeaking.

Your chair stops squeeking. In fact, your chair now radiates a "Silence" field around your desk. You can't hear anything within a radius of 30 ft. You can't hear music, you can't hear flash animations, and you definitely can't hear the smoke alarm trying to tell you your house is on fire. BURNINATE'D!!

I wish I could carry around the Interwebs in my front pocket.

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You carry the Interwebs around in your front pocket. Unfortunately, the Interwebs come with search engine spiders. Every memory that you have is published on Google in video format, and your deepest, darkest secrets of leching girls under 21 get 12,000 hits a day.

I wish for a lifetime supply of candy.

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(But since I [s]never lech girls under 21 [/s]NEVER LECH AT ALL!! NEVER!! I have nothing to worry about! )

You get a lifetime suppy of candy. That is, BERTIE BOTT'S EVERY FLAVOR BEANS®!! There's Earwax, Spinach, Bogie, Vomit, and Flatulence! Enjoy!

I wish Nukerwave Pizza would do Funkstar's homework for him.

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You get confused, and put his homework in gthe Microwave. The paper bursts into flame, and then proceeds to burn his house to the ground. Actually, it's Stu's house, and thanks to you, all of Forumopolis is now homeless. Way to go!

I wish tha I could have the LAST POST in the LAST POST thread.

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You get the last post in the last post thread. Unfortunately, it's like a jillion years in the future, and all the forum players are dead, so it's not like anyone cares. Anyway, now that you've achieved your life's obsession, your undead lich body can finally rest in peace. YOU = FINALLY DEAD'D!!

I wish Anakin Skywalker never turned evil.

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Great. Now the Star Wars Original Trilogy doesn't exist, and it's just the prequels. The acting is still bad, but there's no longer much of a plot. The empire dies. The end. Thanks for ruining Star Wars.

I wish that I could visit my friends in Japan for free.

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Okay! You can get there for free...by firing yourself out of a cannon. Needless to say, this doesn't work outside of cartoons. You die.

I wish that robots ruled the forum. Good robots. Not evil ones.

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Granted! They are so good, that they are overprotective. They ban ramrod for suggestive themes and Homestar just because of the word "crap". In fact, if you say crap at any time, you are banned from the forum. They also ban robot day.

I wish that spam didn't exist, exept as a food in the Monty Python sketch.

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No, I lied. I'm never going to have a good sig. So just forget about it.

*BLING!!* [/tinkly djinni magic music] Wish granted. Now every time you check your emails, a can of spam pops up on your desk. Suddenly, you get so many cans of spam, you can't even store them in your pantry anymore. Combolations! Thanks to you, the world is now buried in huge piles of cans of spicy meat by-product.

I wish that Strong Bad had a modern compy.

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Granted! Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to use it, so no more SBemails. Thanks a lot!

I wish there was a huge pile of money in my backyard.

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Granted: A big pile of stolen money appears in your backyard, also hidden under it is like, 30 bags of marijuana. YOUR AN IDIOT.

I wish Homsar was my best friend.

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*BLING!* Wish granted. Homsar is now your best friend. (sorry, couldn't think of a way to make it worse - it's pretty much bad enough already).

I wish Forrest Gump hadn't been on Apollo 13.

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POOF! And thus, he wasn't! But then, he wasn't in the first place! Way to make excellent use of wish-ruining time, Tom Hanks haterson!

I wish all the couch potatoes in the world would suddenly, without warning, turn into actual potatoes.

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OMG MY WEBSITE IS YOUR MOMMA!

Every couch potato becomes, a dancing potato and annoys every one especially you.

I wish to have a football team

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Click this link unless you hate Homestar Runner & Strong Bad. You like Homestar & Strong Bad, don't you?

Granted! However, it's a very bad one (who trained them? Coach Z?) and they trample all over you accidently.

I wish I knew how to make cool explosions like on movies.

Granted. You make a cool explosion like on a movie when you drive your car off a cliff. You dead. (What'd you expect?)

I wish to live a very long and very happy life with a peaceful death at the end.

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Heh heh heh heh heeeh! You make cool explosions. Unfortunately, they tend to take place in very close proximity to your face. YOUR HEAD A SPLODE!!

(I mean, who didn't see THAT one coming?)

SIMULPOST!!

Bulldozer: You live a long and happy life, and get a peaceful death at the end. Unfortunately, all your friends die horrible painful tragic deaths real early in life. In fact, all you have to do is introduce yourself to someone, and they immediately fall into a wood chipper or get eaten by crocogators.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.

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Your simulposts about "I wish to live a very long and very happy life with a peaceful death at the end" and "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener" cause a contradiction that causes the universe to explode. But for the sake of not exploding things, you turn into an Oscar Meyer Wiener, live a long life in a trash can, then someone eats you.

I wish simulposts didn't exist.

Granted. Simulposts don't exist. In fact, posts don't exist period. You don't know us, we don't know you, and the HRWiki Forum does not exist. But, hey, you never met Clan. I don't even know Clan well enough to say that.

I wish for world peace.

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Wishing for world peace has been done so many times, so you die of boredom.

I wish I was buff.

*BLING!* [/tinkly djinni music] You turn into a pale, yellowy-pink color.

I wish pretzels were the basis of the world's economy.

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Your salty fiscal miracle is quickly subdued by the bloody repercussions of The NYC Food Cart Rebellion. World leaders struggle to regain economic control with less-violent foodstuffs, like nachos and hot dogs, but it doesn't take. Now we have snack food anarchy in the streets. Nice going.

I wish I had a giant pincushion. And also a giant pin to put in it.

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OMG MY WEBSITE IS YOUR MOMMA!

*BLING!* You now have a giant pincushion along with obligatory giant pin. It is so big, it destroys New York. And the pin? It accidentally knocks the space shuttle down. Now you've done it! And all just so you could get your embroidery done!

I wish I had a mauve duck sitting on my head.

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POOF! It sits on your head...for two seconds. Then it steals your pirate hat for other people's avatars everywhere.

I wish Dr. Frankenstein did the Monster Mash.

he did the monster mash alright on a potato... you sick twisted person this poor innocent potato mashed down in all its prime, it had a bright futre of being a sports legend until a doctor was wished into crushing it, I hope your happy spud hater!

I wish for the ability to affect Time AROUND me

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(Insert Witty or Philosophical Quote Here)