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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 3:37 am 
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Wear purple nail polish. Make sure to cover every nail; disaster will occur if you miss even one. Also, don't eat the "albatross soup".

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 6:54 am 
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Location: At home with my mom, Shopiom, and my sister, topofsm, remotely leading my army of Death Penguins.
Tomorrow, you may not do the macarena, or you may. It's up to you. The stars say "twinkle" all night long, but they disappear in the daytime, so you don't need to worry about them. Try to jump over the Grand Canyon on your tricycle, unless you feel like living.

I bes a virgo.

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 3:12 pm 
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The stars say you shouldn't read your horoscope whilst crossing the street. After all, a car could be coming, and you wouldn't see -- *SPLAT* . . . I tried to warn ya. Oh, and while you're NOT alive, make sure you do NOT walk into any coffee shops, and do NOT watch any Japanese animes, particularly NOT FullMetal Alchemist. Would you be a honey and NOT do any of that stuff, since you're NOT alive? Thank you.

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 5:30 pm 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
You will suffer a brain aneurysm playing a popular Japanese arcade game.

that Archer one

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 5:36 pm 
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A Leo will cause you trouble today. Bring a towel, a shovel, and a ham sandwich wherever you go, just to be safe. Also, don't quote Cartoon'd, unless you want your friends to think you're a dork.

Those twins

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:32 pm 
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Location: At home with my mom, Shopiom, and my sister, topofsm, remotely leading my army of Death Penguins.
Today, you should avoid fighting ninjas, especially if you are a pirate. Chances are good that they will flip out all over and cut of your head, and they won't even think twice about it.

The hot girl one.

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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:09 am 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
Your carpet will glow an angry red and will likely eat you alive. Don't open your eyes today.

Sagittarius

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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:15 am 
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A tubulum will fall from the sky. Be on the lookout for ominous shadows that are getting larger near you. Your lucky number is i.

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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:27 am 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
You will win about $32 on a game show, but judging by Venus' position in the house of Orion, you'll give it to some homeless guy.

That one sign

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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:53 am 
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Location: At home with my mom, Shopiom, and my sister, topofsm, remotely leading my army of Death Penguins.
I tried to ask the stars about you today, but they're on vacation in the Andromeda galaxy. You'll probably land somewhere between achieving all your hopes and dreams and dying a slow and horrible death today. Ask again tomorrow.

The Very Incredible and Really Great One (V.I.R.G.O.)

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 11:33 pm 
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Someone will record your teacher making a buncha anti-American comments during a class lecture, & he/she will get suspended. The stars say that this will make you very wealthy.

Sagittarius

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:53 am 
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Location: England
You will have a bacon cheese ketchup olive sandwich.



Libra.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:59 am 
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You will find it very hard to remember your leg if you don't cut back on the Mountain Dews.

Shuffle: Cancer


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 11:56 am 
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Location: Underneath a big clock at the corner of 5th Avenue and 22nd Street...
you will die avery slow and painful death. the stars laugh at your condition.

Gemini

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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:29 am 
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A gem will get stuck in your eye if you don't stay away from all jewelry at all costs. This means if your hot girlfriend says you have to buy her jewelry or she'll break up with you, and even if she's the only girl who could POSSIBLY ever want YOU, you should say no.

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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:37 am 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
The stars say that you will get a nosebleed every time you think this week. Carry around a buncha tissues with you.

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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:45 am 
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The stars say: "Note to self: chew more."

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 12:58 am 
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The position of Saturn says that you should not wear blue this week, or else something large will fall on you. Thankfully, it won't be a planet.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:39 am 
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The stars say: "I have more than the only girl. Each day we holy crap a little more." What that means, I may never know.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:42 am 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
A semi-large bird will fly into your face today.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 4:23 am 
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Spread your knowledge in the area you excel. Co-Workers will stab you, but they will rename the date the ides of (insert date name here) Today:
Wear a bulletproof vest and bring ketchup.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:41 pm 
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A rock will fall on your head while you are sleeping. Consider not showering; maybe your stench will ward the falling rock away whimpering like in the cartoons.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:45 pm 
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Location: LV-426
you will be vulnerable to lemon meringue today. just stay clear of the bakery.

cancer.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 5:21 pm 
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You will have great difficulty solving a Sudoku today. Then you will realize that you're not solving a Sudoku, but a Jumble. "What'll you have?" "UN TACO!"

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 6:09 pm 
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Location: Underneath a big clock at the corner of 5th Avenue and 22nd Street...
invalid selection

gemini

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 7:18 pm 
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Location: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
Your skin will turn green. Fortunately, this means you wil be very rich--until you blow it all in Vegas.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:21 pm 
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There is an orange slice in your mouth. The stars think you look cool that way. Don't ever take it out, not even to breathe or eat.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:27 pm 
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Location: In Bibendum's tire fold.
A lawn gnome may be your only hope this day. but don't think it will last forever.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:33 pm 
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Location: Falling off a cliff. Please send help.
You will desperately need a shoehorn, the kind with teeth. Unfortunately, there's no such thing.

Pisces

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:35 pm 
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Location: In Bibendum's tire fold.
The Dot Com boom is something you should get in on. You should also stop reading 10 year old horoscopes

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