Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Wear purple nail polish. Make sure to cover every nail; disaster will occur if you miss even one. Also, don't eat the "albatross soup".

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Tomorrow, you may not do the macarena, or you may. It's up to you. The stars say "twinkle" all night long, but they disappear in the daytime, so you don't need to worry about them. Try to jump over the Grand Canyon on your tricycle, unless you feel like living.

I bes a virgo.

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The stars say you shouldn't read your horoscope whilst crossing the street. After all, a car could be coming, and you wouldn't see -- *SPLAT* . . . I tried to warn ya. Oh, and while you're NOT alive, make sure you do NOT walk into any coffee shops, and do NOT watch any Japanese animes, particularly NOT FullMetal Alchemist. Would you be a honey and NOT do any of that stuff, since you're NOT alive? Thank you.

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You will suffer a brain aneurysm playing a popular Japanese arcade game.

that Archer one

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A Leo will cause you trouble today. Bring a towel, a shovel, and a ham sandwich wherever you go, just to be safe. Also, don't quote Cartoon'd, unless you want your friends to think you're a dork.

Those twins

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Today, you should avoid fighting ninjas, especially if you are a pirate. Chances are good that they will flip out all over and cut of your head, and they won't even think twice about it.

The hot girl one.

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Your carpet will glow an angry red and will likely eat you alive. Don't open your eyes today.

Sagittarius

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A tubulum will fall from the sky. Be on the lookout for ominous shadows that are getting larger near you. Your lucky number is i.

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You will win about $32 on a game show, but judging by Venus' position in the house of Orion, you'll give it to some homeless guy.

That one sign

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I tried to ask the stars about you today, but they're on vacation in the Andromeda galaxy. You'll probably land somewhere between achieving all your hopes and dreams and dying a slow and horrible death today. Ask again tomorrow.

The Very Incredible and Really Great One (V.I.R.G.O.)

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Someone will record your teacher making a buncha anti-American comments during a class lecture, & he/she will get suspended. The stars say that this will make you very wealthy.

Sagittarius

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You will have a bacon cheese ketchup olive sandwich.



Libra.

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You will find it very hard to remember your leg if you don't cut back on the Mountain Dews.

Shuffle: Cancer

you will die avery slow and painful death. the stars laugh at your condition.

Gemini

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

A gem will get stuck in your eye if you don't stay away from all jewelry at all costs. This means if your hot girlfriend says you have to buy her jewelry or she'll break up with you, and even if she's the only girl who could POSSIBLY ever want YOU, you should say no.

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The stars say that you will get a nosebleed every time you think this week. Carry around a buncha tissues with you.

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The stars say: "Note to self: chew more."

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The position of Saturn says that you should not wear blue this week, or else something large will fall on you. Thankfully, it won't be a planet.

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The stars say: "I have more than the only girl. Each day we holy crap a little more." What that means, I may never know.

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A semi-large bird will fly into your face today.

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Spread your knowledge in the area you excel. Co-Workers will stab you, but they will rename the date the ides of (insert date name here) Today:
Wear a bulletproof vest and bring ketchup.

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Cheat Commandos O's, Rock Rock On!
My Cartoon Board
My Wi-Fi Forums

A rock will fall on your head while you are sleeping. Consider not showering; maybe your stench will ward the falling rock away whimpering like in the cartoons.

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you will be vulnerable to lemon meringue today. just stay clear of the bakery.

cancer.

You will have great difficulty solving a Sudoku today. Then you will realize that you're not solving a Sudoku, but a Jumble. "What'll you have?" "UN TACO!"

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invalid selection

gemini

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Wow, It's been like three or 4 years since I've last been here

Your skin will turn green. Fortunately, this means you wil be very rich--until you blow it all in Vegas.

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There is an orange slice in your mouth. The stars think you look cool that way. Don't ever take it out, not even to breathe or eat.

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A lawn gnome may be your only hope this day. but don't think it will last forever.

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TIRES TIRES TIRES

You will desperately need a shoehorn, the kind with teeth. Unfortunately, there's no such thing.

Pisces

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The Dot Com boom is something you should get in on. You should also stop reading 10 year old horoscopes

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TIRES TIRES TIRES