Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Fling the fragments of my exploded head at the computer screen so it breaks. I figure out that tere is wads of cash in the tube sock, so I manage to buy a new compy, new house, get an operation for my head, and more.

Sigfried, diabolical old-man, has tied you up with a rope and thrown you into the boiler room. There is no fire there, and the only things in your pockets are some tissues, a few wads of cash, your wallet, and a pack of mints. However, you can manage to jump out of where you are and reach a few more things: his lint collection, a gear, and an empty bottle.

Escape that one, dangit!

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I smash the bottle on the floor, then use one of the broken pieces of glass to rid me of the ropes. I then escape. Yaaaay.

You are in a cave. A pile bunch of rocks block your only exit, and you can't go anywhere else. A bunch of giant cave rats and bats will attack you if you get their attention by making noise, making light or heat, taking too long, or some other way that gets their attention. Also, you are running out of air. You have a match, a rubber duck, your tennis shoes, a paper clip, and a flashlight.

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Light the match, using the inside of your tennis shoes to conceal the flame. Then, carefully (again on the inside of your tennis shoes) set the duck on fire. Throw the flaming duck towards the inside of the cave as a decoy to distract the rats and bats, the rats and bats, y'all. Use your flashlight to break free and run like the wind in a hurricane.

You take the metaphor too seriously and end up in a hurricane. You are flying in midair and are about to slam into a large brick wall in 5 seconds. You are left with a pair of flaming tennis shoes (you didn't know they were flammable, apparently), a severely bent paper clip, a t-shirt, shorts, some pocket lint, a bubblegum wrapper, and a badly damaged, no longer functional flashlight.

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I throw the shoes against the wall with great enough force, so it breaks and I don't slam into it...I hope.

You are Strong Sad. You are in your room, but Strong Mad and Strong Bad are pounding on your door to get in. And they'll beat you up if they do get in. You have your iPod, and a single grain of basmati rice. Around the room is a desk, a bed, some posters, and a rope (for dopes).

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First, I prop the desk up in front of my door to stop SB from getting in for a little while. Then, I set a snare using the rope (for dopes), and use the iPod as bait. I then jump out the window before they can break in, and SB trips the snare and get caught!
Dumpus escapes safely this time.

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You are the KoT. Strong Bad has trapped you in crate full of (mostly) peas, buried about 4 feet below the ground. You have:

Your crown.
Some beans.
A match.

Escape that!

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Using my weight, I crack open the bottom of the box. Then I move the dirt around so the peas roll out of the box. Then I plant the beans into the ground and a little beanstalk pops up, pushing the box upwards. I then can bust out of the box and get back to Yon Castle.

You are Strong Sad again, and are upside down, trapped in one of the lockers in Coach Z's locker room. The locker is locked, so you can't escape, and outside of the locker is a horrible stench that will knock you out. You have a paperclip, your iPod, a rope (for dopes), a rake, and a blueberry muffin.

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I eat the bluebry muffin for a little extra strengh, and fashion the wrapper into a crude air filter, tying it to me face with a length of rope (for dopes). Then I use the paperclip and/or the rake to force open the lock, and step outside, protected by my air filter. If Coach Z spots me, I beat him the rake until he goes away.

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This time, you're The Cheat. You're locked inside the KoT's food pantry, waiting for the KoT to eat you (he's gone mad with power). The only exit is the door, which is bolted firmly shut. The KoT has the only key, and he'll come in about 5 minutes.

Around you, you see:

A tub of Animal Phat
A bag 'o potatoes (empty)
Some old army-style mayo
Other disgusting foodstuffs.

There's a vent on the right wall, but it's too small to fit through.

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Use fumes from old mayo to crack the vent and pull to make it wider. Put self in bag o' potatoes (feet first), dip self in Animal Phat, and slide through that vent. Escapeth!

You are trapped in an old game (3D Monster Maze, specifically). A highly pixelated dinosaur is also in the maze, and he vants to eat you. Around you are pixelated walls, a pixelated tube sock, a pixelated bottle of water, and a pixelated carnie. (If you don't know of the game I am talking about, it's on Wikipedia.)

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I pick up the carnie and bash him against the walls until they break down, alowing me to escape

You are in a brick cube. Around you is a Cheese, a squid, and mentos.

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I lost the state spelling bee in FIFTH PLACE!!

I have no incentive to escape; however, since there's nothing else to do, I spit out some saliva, put it in the squid, and shake it up to carbonate it (I don't know how that would work, but let's assume it does). Then I drop all the Mentos into the squid, seal it with the cheese which I have heated with friction from my hands, put it by the wall, and wait for the massive explosion. KABOOMSPFLURT! With quite some mess, the wall bursts open, and I break free.

You are trapped inside the stomach of a lion. Around you is a gazelle carcass, and some stupid teenaged girls.

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Leave the teenaged girls to die and use the gazelle carcass to ram a hole through the lion's throat. FREEDOM!

You are on the 18th floor of a 300-story building. Three ninjas are surrounding you, armed only with wooden poles. Your utility belt only has a rope and some paper airplanes. The table behind you is bolted down, and there's a Super Soaker gun (unloaded) on it. The doors that are for your escape are locked. You do not know any self defense or martial arts. What will you do?

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I throw paper airplanes to two of the ninjas, and since ninjas are, as everyone knows, very jealous, the third ninja mauls the other two and takes their paper airplanes. I pick up of the dead ninja's poles and beat the remaining ninja to a pulp. Then, I open the window and use the rope to rappel down the side of the building. FREEDOM!

(we should makes this an ongoing series, each puzzle continues from the last one)
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You're in a taxi cab escaping from the Ninja HQ, armed with a pole and some paper airplanes. Tailing you are 2 ninjas driving pickup trucks, they want to ram your cab. Inside the cab you see:

Several jumper cables
An ice pick
A big sheet of tinfoil

Oh, and the cab driver has no idea that there are ninjas chasing you. Don't ask why.

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I remind the cab driver that ninjas are chasing me, and tell him to look behind. As he does, he doesn't see the ninjas, but sees two pickup trucks, and so I knock him out and throw him out of the car. I take the wheel and DRIVE to safety.

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You are currently driving down a rickety wooden bridge at 200 mph. The brakes and acceleration pads are broken. You can't jump off the car because that would lead to ultimate death below. The other end of the bridge is closed off, and so ramming into it will cause you to fall off the bridge anyways. All you've got is a jackhammer inside the locked compartment in the cab but no key. There's a lovely bunch of coconuts at the back seat. What will you do?

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I'd break the locked compartment open with the coconuts and grab the jackhammer. Using it, I would pop all four tires and slow down enough to make a manuver to go through the bridge again, but to where I entered it in the first place.

You're inside a room of death. Below, there's water slowly rising. Above, gas is slowly leaking out of a vent. To make matters worse, you're in the middle of a spiked crusher, slowly making the room smaller and smaller. All you have is a Q-tip.

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Swim down through the 5-foot-long tunnel of water underneath the room of death to freedom. (Never said there was an actual floor.)
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It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. You can tell that the room is 10'x10', with no doors, windows, or openings whatsoever. What's even worse is the fact that there is a ceiling and a floor.
>i
you have:
a toothpick
a splitting headache
your clothes (they might be someone else's, you don't know...)
no tea

what dost thou deau?

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"And everyone lived happily ever after..."
"...Until the giant ants came and slaughtered everyone."

A Zork reference AND a HHTTG reference? You rule, man.

I sharpen the toothpick and wait for the grue to come. Then I give it my splitting headache and no tea. While it's reeling around in pain and lack of tea, I slit its throat with my sharp toothpick. Then I use the pick to extract some of its pointy teeth and use them to chip away at the wall. If I get hungry, I eat the grue carcass.

Escape!
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You've just been pushed out of an airplane from really high up with no parachute! You have about 3 minutes before you hit the ground. You're clinging on to a crate that has inside it:

A box of tissues
Some floss
2 (empty) luggage bags

what dost thou deau?

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sharpen a loose piece of the plane into a needle, then sew the tissues together into a parachute. Jump to safety. Alternatively, fashion some fasionable wings out of the luggage. Fly to safety.
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>Buy Kerrak a cold one
"NOT THIS TIME!" roars the Kerrak, and knocks you out.
***You have died...or mabye not?***
You wake up in a cave. There is only one opening, which the Kerrak is blocking. He is also about to kick you in a very painful way...With all his force...to kill you.
>i
You have:
A splitting Headache
no tea
and...the jolly dumple! (how you fit him in your pockets should not be questioned.)

what wouldst thou deau?

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"And everyone lived happily ever after..."
"...Until the giant ants came and slaughtered everyone."

I remove the Jolly Dumple from my pocket. As hungry as I am, I dare not eat him - instead, I simply throw him into my glass of No Tea. The strange chemical properties of Dumples and No Tea cause an interesting reaction, creating a glass full of Uranium-235. Acting quickly to escape radiation poisoning, I activate my splitting headache, pointing it directly into the Uranium. As the uranium molecules split, a fission reaction starts. I have only moments to aim before chucking my new nuclear bomb at the Kerrek. It exploads, leaving the Kerrek floating through the air as millions of tiny atoms. Luckilly, the explosion was small enough to leave me alive. I run for freedom - I'm safe, and my headache is gone!
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You're taking a brisk morning jog through the Amazon. You're not exactly sure why you chose to jog through the Amazon, but you did. Suddenly, a patch of ground disappears below you, dropping you fifty feet into a dark pit. Leaves and pieces of rope fall around you from the trap cover, and the sound of headhunter drums can be heard in the distance. The walls are much to slick to climb and the dirt is too rocky to dig through, but you have to escape before the headhunters find you and kill you!

You have:
30 old dead leaves
5 short pieces of rope, totalling 10 feet
One piece of chewed gum
A digital wrist watch, broken by the fall
No light!

What wouldst thou deau?

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I wait for the headhunters to come near, and then I tell them that if they kill me and/or not let me out of the hole, the techno god Sgvishgi will DESTROY THEM ALL!! I show them the technological wonders of my sparkling wristband and No Light, and finally convince them to let me out of the hole. I then have a very nice dinner with them (No human, I'm trying to cut down) and be on my merry way.

The beaded curtain slams shut behind you. There's no turning back now. at the other side of the room sleeps Trogdor.
>i
You have:
the TrogSword (tm)
some cloathes
and a rock. If you're lucky.

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"And everyone lived happily ever after..."
"...Until the giant ants came and slaughtered everyone."

Since everyone knows Trogdor is immortal, and I don't even look like a peasant, I simply use the TrogSword to cut through the beaded curtain. Not that I couldn't just walk through it, but it would be disappointing to come all this way and not get to cut anything. Then, I remove my clothing and hide them under the lucky rock. This will keep Trogdor occupied searching for my scent if he wakes up before I get out, but I'm only doing it because I've always wanted to escape from a dragon's lair naked. Besides, the breeze feels nice in this stuffy cave. When I'm safely outside, I sell the TrogSword to a peasant who lost his home to Trogdor while on vacation and use the money to fly out of the middle ages to Free Country, USA, where I open a very successful consession stand. (I sell things at only double retail value and blow my competition out of the water!)

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You are in the largest boat that has ever been built. It is sinking. You are handcuffed to a pipe on E deck. There's an axe in an emergency box, but it's out of your reach. There are also keys on a nearby key rack, but you've tried them all and none of them work, and floating around the room with the current are some wet papers that have been paperclipped together. In your pocket is a ballpoint pen, and in your mouth is some Winterfresh gum.

Since this story would be ruined if it was turned into a love story, no pretty redheads are on their way to save you, and all of the lifeboats are full. The water is already up to your chest, and it's cold enough that your legs are already numb. Also, the lightbulb in the room has broken and promises a quick death by shock if you're in the water when it gets there. The nearest living person has already made it to B deck, and they're not coming back down for anything.

What wouldst thou deau?

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