Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Hal will be back in February.

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[No, this isn't dead.]

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*pop*

"WOAH GUYS THAT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER I GOT FROZEN AND HAD ALL THESE CRAZY FROZEN ADVENTURES IN FREEZE LAND IT WAS INCREDIBLE!" Hal said, appearing in a flash of WTF, along with his Crimbot.

"That's great, Hal! Now this game, I mean world, isn't dead!" Nigel said.

"I know! So, we're on some kinda boat, then?" Hal said.

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[YEY]

"Apparently," said Violence. "Say, isn't that Seaside Town up ahead?"

"The place that's on fire?" asked Nigel, who was at the helm.

"Yep-wait, WHAT?"

[DUN DUN DUN]

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"That fire looks like it could afford to be...put out, and all..." Nigel muttered. Then he whistled. Then a snowflake fell from the sky, dressed in bright blue and wiedling a small katana.

"Okay, Admiral, be on alert here! Some jerk burnt down Seaside Town!" Nigel barked.

"YESSIR!"

As the boat neared closer, Hal and Violence were just watching that weird snowflake perched on Nigel's shoulder. Nigel was looking ahead, and he saw a man dressed in green and red, wiedling a sort of "gun" gun.

This man was Indigo Jones, and beneath his helmet, he was smiling.

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Igndigo! What are you doigng? I thought we killed you off!" Hal said, as the Queendom Boat arrived on the shore.

"Au Contraire, Dave! Quite the opposite, in fact! As it happens, Au Contraire, AU CONTRAIRE, MON FRERE!" Indigo yelled, as he pulled the trigger on an enormous gun, which in turn, released a smaller gun, from which came another smaller gun, from which came a bullet, which shot another gun, which let out a lazer that hit Hal in the eye.

"AGH! CORRECTIVE LAZOR SURGERY!" Hal said, as he ran around the deck clutching his eye.

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Indigo stopped his surgery for a second.

"You may recall that I was a lone force who was working for the King of Hey Deze the last time we met. This time, however, he's been impressed by me almost eradicating the town so much, I'm now an elite crime boss - complete with my own henchmen! Gentlemen, introduce yourselves!"

Indigo took out a tophat, and seven people jumped out of it, including:
- A big guy wielding a lamp(Lampor)
- An average sized guy wielding bow and arrow arms(Bowor)
- A really short guy wielding samurai swords(Shortor)
- A skinny guy with an eyepatch(menacing!)(Patchor)
- A fat guy with an container of trash filled with what NO ONE KNOWS!(Plumpor)
- An average looking man dressed in clashing clothes(Clashor)
- and SOME KINDA SNAKE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (ARGBLBLBLBLBL)

"Wait, these guys don't look so tough! I mean, what does the guy with the eyepatch do?" Nigel asked.

"Hey, yeah, what DO you do, Patchor?" Indigo was...also curious.

"Feh." Pathor scoffed and turned his back.

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[OOC: Wait, isn't Nigel still missing a hand?]

Meanwhile, on the shore of Seaside Town, a few soldiers watched the ensuing fight.

"Think we should do something?" suggested one.

"Naw," said his companion. "Let's just shoot at them randomly."

"Sounds good to me!" said the first one, pulling out his bow and doing just that.

On the deck of the H.M.S Deus Ex Machina, arrows rained down like...some sort of pointy thing that rains down...

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(...yeah...I'll make him get it back soon. Like, when we venture into Seaside Town and see Galaktik if he's alive or something.)

"Lampor, get onto that boat! The arrows won't work!' Indigo yelled as he watched the two stupid soldiers.

"GRANGH!" Lampor yelled like the Frankenstein's monster, as he made a colossal leap onto the DEM, swinging a lamp.

Nigel, missing one hand, flung Admural straight at him.

"Admiral, give him the one-two hock and shock twist-tie raging roundhouse kick bullet!' He yelled, and somehow Admiral understood this.

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Indigo was surprised to see what looked like a snowflake with a sword tackle one of his men and beat the crap out of him. Still, he pressed on...

"Hey, I have some familiars too!" said Violence, summoning a pile of weird creatures of all shapes and sizes. "These'll be great for throwing at 'em!"

"Er, I don't think that's what they're for-" said Nigel.

"Who cares?" said Violence, pegging an approaching goon with a Blood-Faced Volleyball.

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All of the familiars bludgeoning henchmen made Nigel remember two things:

- He had a futuristic device that could summon stronger familiars.
- He was missing a hand.

Nigel stared at his hand for a moment and then ran to get the familiar belt.

"Lesse here...flock of mosquitoes...gigantic blood faced volleyball...cloning cheshire bat...large flaming gravy faerie....pet rock man....scary death orb bubble...alto yuletide troll...I''ll just go with the abnormally tall mishapen animal skeleton." That and more were omn the belt, including the incredibly disturbing gigantic sleazy gravy faerie.

A tall-as-Nigel-whom-is-tall-might-I-remind-you mishapen animal skeleton appeared out of nowhere, and immediately, it ran forward and started grappling with Lampor.

"So THAT'S where my belt went! I'll need to send in backups..." Indigo snapped his hands, and three of his henchmen jumped onto the ship.

Clashor was cornering Violence, Patchor was being really intimidating to Hal, and Shortor was charging like a monkey beserker on Monday towards Nigel.

(I enjoy complicating battles.)

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[Who doesn't? XD]

Violence didn't have time to be fancy. He grabbed the nearest familiar at hand, which happened to be a Star Starfish, and slung it at Clashor like a throwing star. It collided off his head with a comical splang and he crashed to the floor.

Just then, another volley of arrows thudded into the ship. "Oh crap, get out of the open!" Violence shouted and scrambled toward the hatch that led belowdecks.

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[OOC: CURRENT STATUS:

Lampor - BEATEN UP BY FAMILIARS'd!
Bowor - nothing
Shortor - BEING MENACING TO NIGEL'd!
Patchor -FIGHTING HAL'd!
Plumpor -nothing
Clashor - NINJA STAR'd!
ARGBLBLBLBLBL -eh, nothing?]

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Hal quickly grabbed the familiar belt and ran for cover. as he approached the door that led to below deck, he saw Indigo quickly approaching. Hal scrambled for a button, and ended up clicking the button which read 'M.M.T.M.M.M'. In a flash of light, what looked like a normal Mech Tech appeared. However, there was something very different about this familiar, as on the front, there was a red counter, counting down from 10 seconds.

"Everybody!" Hal yelled to below deck, "Brace yourselves and hagng on to somethigng!"

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Violence dove to the hatch below deck, pulling an unprostesting Hal along with him. "Lemme get this straight," he hissed to Hal once they had retreated to safety. "You set off a BOMB on the deck?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"And I was starting to like this ship." Violence sighed. Above deck, the counter on the MMTMMM was rapidly counting down to zero. Indigo's goons were scrambling around the deck, looking for any sign of where the party had gone...

[What, exactly, does MMTMMM stand for? XD]

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Down below, Nigel was staring at his hand. or, his not-hand.

"I really need to get a new hand. Hal, can you make me one?"

Hal just shook his head.

"I'll see if Galaktik has any hands if I sees 'em. But fer now..."
Nigel reached out behind him and grabbed a hook, putting it on his hand.

"...I guess I'll be content and all with this hook."

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"Wow, they had a supply of hook hands down 'ere, just in case your hand gets cut off in a fight?" said Violence. "I guess they have thought of everything."

The MMTMMM counted down to one....

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KABLODEIUMS CRACKLE POP GALANG GALANG IT EXPLODED

The explosion set the boat in flames, and our heroes were all propelled to Seaside Town, falling off into the Market Square, which was relatively empty except for the shopkeepers.

The soldiers that were watching fell over...somehow...

And Indigo's men all probably burnt down in the fire, along with Indigo....

"I'll be back, suckers! I evaded a shark AND lava, so I can evade death by firery drowning!" He managed to yell out as he sank down.

Meanwhile, in Market Square, the adventurers realized something - they were right back where they started, with nothing accomplished, except for missing hands, battle scars, and a hungry stomach.

"Well, that journey sucked. What do you say we just make our own colonies here, living and running wild in the Mall?" Nigel proposed.

Then, from a purple circus tent nearby, a hunchbacked, bugeyed adventurer with a cheshire bat familiar crawled out.

"Augh, James tried that centuries ago, to no avail, it yielded. Instead of doing that, why don'cho come into my tent? We'll se'ee if I can help you boys out, and maybe you could do a little sidequest in return?"

"DESTROY EVERYONE!" Violence yelled out. "Err...no idea."

(sorry for controling you, but it shows that Chef is taking over slowly.)

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[yeah, i don't mind]

"Eh, sidequests can wait. We need to get my friend here patched up, and I haven't had a decent meal in ages." said Violence wearliy.

"Say, where's the Council?" asked Violence, who had just realized he hadn't seen them recently.

"We're here," said a voice from behind Violence. He turned around to see the 3 remaining Council members, dragging their desk along with them. "We just snuck out as the fighting started."

"You idiots!" Violence shouted, throwing the desk aside. "If you carry that bloody thing around everywhere, the king's men will spot you in an instant."

"Bu-but that was the only thing hiding our dark secret!" stammered Number One.

"What's that?"

"WE'RE NOT WEARING PANTS!"

DUN DUN DUN!

Meanwhile, Hal and Nigel were wandering around Market Square...

[OOC: Yeah, I always wondered why the Council always was behind a desk... ]

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"So, Nigel buddy. We've gotta get you to Doc Galactic. Because I'm pretty sure that your arm's been bleeding the whole way here...' Hal said to Nigel.

"Yeah, can't you die of blood loss in this game? I mean, world?" Nigel said.

"Nigel, knock on the door and wait here. I gotta take care of some stuff..." said Hal, looking towards Hagnk's Ancesteral Mini-Store.

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While Violence pestered the Council Members and probably started to beat up the gypsy, Hal walked over to Hagnks. And Nigel was at Doc Galaktik's place.

"Hello? Anyones in here?" Nigel called out.

The show(remember, it's a show) opened. Galaktik was a very thin, tall man, with greasy black hair, huge round glasses, and a stained labcoat.

"I'm assuming you want me to fix that hook you have on your hand, right?"

Nigel nodded.

"You're in luck, buddy. The war over here was ruining business, and then the spaceguy! But luckily, I managed to beat up a sewer gnome a while back. I stole a clockwork hand."

Galaktik then somehow put the hand onto him, arming Nigel with a brand new STAR WARS RIPOFF!

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"Oh, and that'll be 2000." said the Doc, absentmindedly polishing a flask.

"Fine, fine." Nigel grumbled, reaching for his wallet. "I hope you realize this is cleaning me out," he said, slapping 2000 meat on the counter.

Doc Galaktik stared at the pile of currency as if he'd just been given a piece of roadkill.

"You realize we don't use Meat anymore, right?" he asked Nigel.

"Seriously?"

"Nope. We use Pounds Sirloin over here now. Order of the king."

"You mean that prancy stuff they use in the Queendom? Why?"

"No idea, I just go along with it." said Galaktik said. "That'll be 1000 more Meat for the exchange rate."

Nigel grudgingly forked over the Meat (but kept his fork), and walked out into Market Square...

[OOC: plot point!]

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Nigel walked back towards Violence, who too was outraged by the new currency.

"I have over 4 million meat in inherits, and now I have to pay 2 million more to exchange it?" Nigel yelled angrily.

"FOUR MILLION MEAT?" The gypsy shopkeeper yelled as he readied his crossbow....

(Nigel is surprisingly wealthy for a penguin, but he has little means of getting to it, due to the fact that his last known bank account was in the Frigid Northlands where he grew up.)

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"Fine, I guess we'll take this quest of yours. I'm rather short on cash as it is." Violence said to the gypsy. "Say, where's 'ol Hal been?"

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"That gnome fellow? You can tell him later. For now, I must give you...your steps." The gypsy spoke.

"You see, the new King Ralph forced all adventurers out of the town, because he is back. Since the King is back, there is apperantly no need for them. No need for the brave scouts in the Forest, hunting down vampires. No need for the rat and bat scavengers. No need for the likes of Boris and Sneaky Pete and Jarlsberg and the ever elusive Haggarth!" The gypsy went on a rant.

"Haggarth? What's a haggarth?" Nigel asked.

"Haggarth was the cheif and founder of Whispering Iceberg. He was a visionary, and also an asylum patient." The gypsy responded. "But I'll get on with it."

"There's a temple of Haggarth in the Whispering Iceberg. The new King Ralph is on a vacation there, seeing if he could get a bigger temple next to it or something like that. Little brat." Gypsy-man spoke.

"So what does this have to do with us?" Violence spoke(sorry for using you, but it can't just be Nigel.)

"I want you to go over to Whispering Iceberg. That is asking a lot. Even more, I want you to kill the new king. Why, you ask? Something fishy is going on. He's speaks in a funny manner, like he's trying to impersonate us. He introduced pounds sirloin to the Kingdom. And he got rid of all of his adventurers, relying on his horrible army. I don't think that that boy is in the royal line at all."

"Waitaminute, gypsy. You want us to go all the way over to the Icy Peak, brave through whatever crazy people who worship footstools are at Near Silent Watermountain, and stick an ARROW in the king's back?" Nigel yelled.

"Any problem?" The gypsy smiled a toothy grin.

(Y'see, this IS drastic. It can work if they say no or yes.)

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[Yeah, that works. I was gonna do something similar, but I like your idea better. One thing though: It should be the Frigid Northlands instead of the Icy Peak. That works better with the plot I have planned...could you edit your post or something? sorry to be nitpicky]

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"Why not?" said Violence, who was too tired and hungry to argue. "We've done crazier things. Why not kill the bloody Naughty Sorceress while we're at it?"

"Er, actually, I've got someone doing that too." said the gypsy sheepishly.

"Oh, so you're familiar with this whole 'epic quest' thing, are you?"

"You could say that..." said the gypsy enigmaticlly.

"Fine. I'm done asking questions." said Violence wearily. "We'll leave in the morning. I'll let the Council know we're going, hopefully they won't get horribly killed while we're gone."

[woo, new quest]

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"Um...Actually, Violence, I think we should leave right now." Hal said, while running back from the Right Side of the Tracks.

"Dude, I don't think we've slept at all during this Ascension..." Violence began.

"YOU GET BACK HERE WITH MY STUFF, KID!" A gnomish figure yelled as he shot his way through the door of Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Store.

"YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS DAY, AS THE DAY THAT YOU ALMOST CAUGHT YOUR YOUGNGER BROTHER, HAL AGNCESTRAL. AND HIS FRIEND THE DISCO BAGNDIT. AND SOME PEGNGUIN. AND YOUR OTHER YOUGNGER BROTHER." Hal yelled back at the shotgun wielding gnome.

Hal whipped out his backpack and started Super-Advanced Meat Smithing four different Bitchin' Meatcars, while at the same time, Smithing four different S.O.C.K's. Then, through some kind of UBER-Super-Advanced Meat Smithing, he combined them together, making four B.S.O.C.K.M's.

"Quick, everyone, hop ign!" Hal said, as he turned the ingition of his revolutionary new vehicle and sped off Northward.

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(Did I say Icy Peak? I honestly meant the Northlands, too...)

The guys ran away in the BSOCKMs.

"So, uhh, where are we heading to now?" Nigel asked, poorly driving away.

"I would guess the Frigid Northlands, sir!" The Admiral piped up.

"I hope there's some sort of rest spot directly located on the line.." Nigel mumbled.

And sure enough, after quite a few hundred miles, they made it to the boundary zone, where a cozy little motel stood!

"Hey, let's stop here! I bet that the people here are not brain eating cannibal snowmen like that movie I saw!"

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"Nope. Not at all." confirmed the brain-eating cannibal snowman receptionist that stood by the door. "And even if we did exist, we would only eat the brains of other snowmen. But we don't exist, so it's okay."

"Sounds fine to me!" Violence said and marched into the hotel, the rest of the party following hesitantly behind him.

"Er, has Violence gogne crazy or something?" whispered Hal to Nigel.

"I think the stress of not doing anything illegal lately has been getting to him..."

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Somewhat-reluctantly, Nigel walked out of his vehicle and walked into the cozy little motel.

Inside, it was a lot lsrger than it looked. Paintings were thrown onto the walls and carpets where everywhere - even on the walls. There was even an elevator!

And the elevator suddenly opened. Blood poured out, creepily.

"Uhh...that's a little strange and gross. I don't want to step in there so soon. Got a bar?" Nigel asked a nearby snowman.

"Yeah, it's on the left." The snowman spoke.

"I'm gonna go there and get drunk." Nigel walked off.

"Just don't fall asleep on the pool table, the bartender's a ghost." The snowman called out.

(I say it's high time for a The Shining parody!)

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Meanwhile, Violence was already at the bar, getting drunk off his...face. Yeah. Face. This is a family friendly forum, y'know. Anyway, he was really drunk.

"Woooooooo! Gimmie shome mo' shpirits, ya bloody ghost! He he he heeee......" Violence slurred, and giggled into his beer. "Wooooo...where do I come up with 'em...oh heya, Nigelgelgelel."

"Er, 'ello Violence." Nigel said and sat down awkwardly on a barstool. "Notice anything....weird about this place?" he whispered.

Violence looked up. A human skin was stretched over the pool table, and the cues looked like they were whittled out of bone. Over by the reception room, the elevator was still pouring out blood.

He blinked a few times in stunned silence. Seeing something that horrible can sober a man up much quicker then a good night's sleep and a pot of coffee.

"Oh Jick...I invited us into a hotel full of pyscho killers, didn't I?" he murmered.

"Ayup."

"And the doors are probably locked behind us by now, right?"

"Seems like it."

"And we have to spend the night here?"

"We don't really have a choice."

Violence pondered this for a moment. "I'm gonna get more drunk," he said and resumed drowning his sorrows.

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