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Hal was quietly exploring the hotel on this little pushbike that he found, when all of a sudden, a black, bald Turtle Tamer appeared from around a stopped him in his tracks.

"HEY, DOC! DO U LIKE ICE CREEM!?" the Turtle Tamer asked.

"Uh...What? I'm just riding around this Hotel..."

"LISTEN, KID! U GOTS A SPECIAL POWER WITHIN YAH! WE CAN CONTAKT EACHOTHER THROUGH MIND POWERS THROUGH A SPELL CALLED "THE DUSTING!" THAT SOUND LIKE A GOOD PLAN, DOC!?"

"WHAT? What are you talking about! Just let me ride!"

"OKAY, KID! BUT WATCH OUT, CUZ UR FAMILY THERE'S GONNA TRYA MURDER YA!" The weird guy said, running away spookily.

"Eh. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." Hal said, as he peddled into the distance.

[OOC: That guy scared me...

Also, I suggest that Hal is the Kid, Violence is Jack and Nigel is Jack's wife. Which means that Violence has to make out with a mangled corpse lady...]

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<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

"Okayy...I've sobered up..." Nigel walked away from the bar to explore the place.

The elevator stopped pouring out blood, but he still took the stairs. When he got up there, he found two lihcs wearing blonde wigs creeping through the halls.

"HEY SMERV."

"YEH MAC?"

"I THINK WE GOTSA TANGLER"

"LESSGO SCARE 'EM AND SEND HIM OMIN-IOUS MESSAGES"

"DON'T FLIRT WITH HIM THIS TIME I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH"

"SHADDUP"

The lihcs creeped over to Nigel, and then spoke in the same voice.

"WANNA GO INTO A SANDBOX AND PLAY LIKE BUILD A SANDCASTLE OR SOMETIHNG AND THEN WE CAN EAT ITALIAN FOOD?"

Nigel just walked by.

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Hal was riding his trikey down the halls of the Hotel, and stopped at room 107. For no apparent reason, he decided to enter.

He walked up to the bathtub, and decided that since he hadn't bathed during this game...I mean, adventure, that it was time for a good scrubbin'.

He pulled open the shower curtain, and there he saw an evil mangled zombie chick.

"AAAUUUGHHH! AUUUGGGHHH OE NOES U IZ TEH ZOMBIE AAAAAUUUGHHH!" Hal screamed, and ran outside of the room.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT, TONY?" Hal said to...his finger...

"REDRUM! ZOMBIE CHICKS ARE WEIRD, REDRUM!" Hal said while wiggling his finger.

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<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

Nigel walked into a dull, blank room. In it there was a typewriter, a pencil, and a mirror.

Nigel walked up to the mirror and slipped on himself, falling into the typewriter. Gibbering showed up.

Nigel got up and looked at a wall. There was gibberish on it, saying "EGNUOL EHT NI SOCAT". Nigel walked up to the mirror, and saw that it said "TACOS IN THE LOUNGE".

Quickly, he hurried out of the room, only to get hit on the head by a shovel.

"THAT'LL SHOW YA NOT TA REFUZE MY OF'ER FOR MEATBALLS AND SPAGHETTI AND PIZZA"

"SPEAKING OF WHICH PEPPERONI AND WHALE?"

"NOPE JUST CHEESE TOPPINGS"

"DAG"

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[NOT DEAD'd!]

Hal was worried. He was taking the elevator back to his room, but it had suddenly stopped. Someone had lowered a rope down...

"It places the lotion in the basket," rasped a voice from above.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAH! Oh, and wrong movie parody."

"Hey, just kidding, Hal, it's me," said Violence. "Grab on to this rope, we're gettin' out of here. I don't like this place..."

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"Thank Jarlsburg...I saw this really weird naked zombie, and I, for some reason, think Nigel saw some weird Italian twins."

"That's all very interesting, but we gotta get back to the-I AM GOING TO KILL YOU I AM GOING TO KILL YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Violence yelled as he raised a pasta ladle that was hidden from behind his back.

"GAH! Hal said, as he jumped back on his trikey and tried to lose Violence. He was so caught up in the chase, he ran over Nigel.

"OW, MANG, WHY YOU GO AND DO THAT?!" Nigel screamed.

"Get on, Violence has been possessed bu Chef and is coming to murder us."

Nigel squished himself onto the back of the trike, and the two quickly rode off.

"Quick!" Nigel said, "Let's enter this bathroom in this Hotel Room! I'm sure he won't break it down and make a catchphrase that will grow and become a part of pop culture for +20 years!"

And they did just that.

_________________
<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

Nigel and Hal heard the thumping of a pasta ladle against the flimsy bathroom door. Since pasta ladles aren't exactly built for breaking down doors, this went on for about 20 minutes.

"Think he'll ever get through?" whispered Hal.

"Nah, he'll probably get bored after a while and wander off. I know V-" There was one last thump, the the door exploded into little pieces. Well, exploded isn't really the right word. More like crumbled because of old age.

"HEEEEEERE'S JOHHNY!" Violence screamed.

"But your name isn't Johhny," Nigel helpfully pointed out.

"Oh. Er. Yeah, you're right." said Violence, briefly snapping out of his trance. "Can we do this over again? I want to think of something cool."

"That would kinda ruin the moment, y'know."

"Fine. Can I just beat you guys with my pasta spoon, then?" asked Violence.

"Fair enough." said Nigel.

And so he did that...

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"ELEMEGNTAL SAUCEPHERE!" Hal shouted. A sheild of sauce repelled the possessed Vi' back to the other side of the room. "Quick, through this small window!" Hal said, as he rolled out onto the snowy ground. Once there, he tried contacting the weird Turtle Tamer he saw earlier.

"YO DUDE WE GNEEDS SOME BACKUP OVER HERE IGN DIS HERE HOTEL", Hal mindwaved to the bald dude. You can tell he mindwaved it because it was in italics.

"SORRY DUDE I CANT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE DERES THE MELROSE PLACE SPECIAL ON RIGHT NOW" He mindwaved back.

"DUDE GNO WAY YOU GNEED TO COME HERE AGND STUFF AND HELP US AGND STUFF AGND IF YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW AGND STUFF ILL GET YOU SOME ICE CREEM AGND STUFF"

"DUDE OKAY WERES DA ICE CREEM!" Turtle Man said, appearing just next to Hal.

"It's right here, if you wait agnd let my friegnd and I escape and you let my other friend kill you."

"YEAH OKAY IM DOWN WITH DAD IF ITS OKAY WITCHU!?" But Hal had already run into the hedge maze that was conveniently there.

_________________
<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

"MASHED POTATOES, GRAVEH, AND CRANBERRAH SAUCE, WOO!" Violence screamed, crashing through a conviently placed window and slicing Turtle Guy in half with his pasta spoon...somehow...

"Po-tay-toes...salad...salad as a rock...did I kill that guy?" Violence mumbled, and passed out in the snow.

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Nigel ran through the hedge maze and somehow got lost. He walked around for a bit and found a topiary golem sitting at a fridge.

"Uhh...whyya starin' at the fridge?" Nigel asked.

"The thing's evil. It has spoiled meat inside." The golem responded.

Nigel walked over and opened it, only to find jumbles and jumbles of words mixd together like "snap kils dubbledorf lol" and "zomg didjyou see teh lonjesty yadr cartakir DIEZ!!!!32".

Nigel quickly ran away, not wanting to see any more of the horrors.

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..and ran right into Violence, who was stumbling the other way, clutching his head.

"HEY MANG YOU TRIED TO KILL US IN THE NIGHT WHATSUPWITHDATYO?" Nigel babbled.

"...I did?" Violence said groggily. " 'Don remember that. Think I'd remember something like that. Oooooooh, I have the mother and father of all hangovers..."

"Chef possessed you and made you break down our door with a pasta spoon." Nigel explained matter-of-factly.

"Really? Woooo, I've never been that drunk before!" said Violence giddily.

Nigel sighed. "Still, we can't risk you attacking us again." With that, he clubbed Violence over the head and dragged him back to where their ride was waiting...

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Meanwhile, in the imaginary recesses of Violence's brain, Chef slunk into a corner. He had lost control of the violent one's mind! Still, there was always next time....

"NEXT TIME, GADGET! NEEEEXT TIIIIIME!" he screamed to the sky.

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"Well, that was ogne heck of a sidequest." Hal said, as he tied the cable that connected the unconscious Violence's BSOCKM to his own.

"Yeah. We learned about friendship, the dangers of alcoholism and why zombies do not make good life partners." Nigel said.

"Yeah...Oh well. Time to BLOW THIS SUKKA SKY HIGH!" Hal said, as he pushed the handle of the plunger down.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWAKAALAKAABOOM!

"O MANG HERE WE GO O JEEZ INTO THE STRATOSPHERE DO YOU HAVES ANY PIZZA NO O DARN SO I GUESS WEEL BE HUNGRY ON THE WAY TO MARS YES I GUESS SO YEP!" said what appeared to be every single inhabitant of the hotel.

A picture landed in front of Hal's feet. It appeared to be a croud of Italian people with weird, big eyes in the old bar. However, in the front, was Violence, staring into Hal's soul.

"GAH!" Hal said, and snapped the picture over his knee. From the wreckage, a ghost emerged.

"GOOOH! I am the Spooky Barkeep! The ghost said, before flying over into Nigel's Familiar Belt.

"Call me if you neeeeed meeeeeeee..." he said, as a button clicked up on the belt that read "SB".

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<OOC> WOOT! NEW FAMILIAR!

The Spooky Barkeep can chuck you different ghostly boozes, which will will power you up, temporarily. It can also drunkify enemies. </OOC>

_________________
<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

Violence woke up with a start and looked around him. He was tied to a ship several hundred feet in the air, and he was almost certain this wasn't his doing.

"I'm tied to a ship," said Violence, master of observation.

"Yes, you- oh, never mind." Nigel sighed. "It's probably better we just forget this whole wacky sidequest."

"So just where are we goigng?" asked Hal.

"According to this map," Nigel said, pulling out a map he had stolen, "some place called the Yeti Temples."

"Yeesh, I hate yetis," said Violence. "Can't we just go around it?"

"'Fraid not," replied Nigel. "Besides, our engines just failed."

"WHAT?"

"I sai-"

AND THEN THERE WAS A TOTALLY UNEXPECTED CRASH
-------------------------
[yey new stuff]

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INTO A TENT

"Are we all alive?" Nigel asked and yes, everyone was alive.

Except for the squished blue lizardman under their charred rides.

"HALT!"

A squad of blue lizardmen dressed in Native Loatharian garb had icicle-arrows armed at the adventurers.

"You have crushed our tribe leader's son. The Mountainlizard Clan does not take these insults lightly!"

"crap."

(so now we're hostages of Arctic lizardmen!)

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"SPOOKY BARTENDERCHU, I CHOOSE YOU!" Violence yelled, pressing the button on Nigel's familiar belt that read "SB". A ghost holding a bottle of Mad Train in either hand slithered out of the belt.

"Yah?" it said. "How may I help you?"

"Make these guys drunk, will you?" Violence asked, pointing to the lizardmen. They were still distracted by the sudden appearence of the ghost.

"Sure thing," said the Bartender, firing a Booze Ray at the lizardmen, who all fell over with terrible hangovers.

"Quick, let's get out of here before they snap out of it," said Violence, and the party ran out of the tent.

....into a cliff.

....under which was a huge Lizardman village.

"Well, crap. We're back where we started." said Hal.

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2 hours later....

"...and the small one will be our slave boy, as those gnomkes enslaved our ancestors!" An old gray lizardmamn yelled out to crowds of other lizardmen.

The crowds cheered.

Nigel was sitting in an arena, as he was sentenced to fight in a deathmatch. He was not told with who, though.

"Hey, penguin." A buffed out lizardman spoke. "Your opponent is here."

He stepped away to show...

Violence?!

"Hey buddy! Are disembowlments fatal to penguins?"

DUN DUN DUN

(Violence and Nigel have to get into a deathmatch. Nigel doesn't want to fight(and instead os figuring out how to destroy the lizardmen) but Violence enjoys making Nigel feel pain.)

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Hal rode into the center of the arena on Alphonse, who Hal must have attached some thrusters to.

"HEEEEELOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FIGHT-TO-THE-DEATH FANS! IN THE BLACK AND WHITE CORNER, THE COOLEST OF THE CROOKS, THE BEST OF THE BURGLARS, THE DISCO OF THE BANDIT, VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE BEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUREGAAAAAAAAAAARD!"

"'RAY!" shouted one million blue Lizard Men.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND IN THE WHITE AND BLACK CORNER, THE SWEETEST OF THE SPHENISCIFORMES, THE LOVER OF LINUX, THE MOST WONDERFUL GUY TO EVER BE NARRATED ABOUT BY MORGAN FREEMAN, NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGEEEEEEEEEL PYYYYYYGOOOOOOSCELIIIIIIS!"

"'RAH!"

"Now, LET'S GET READY TO FIGHT TO THE DEAAAAAATH!"

_________________
<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

"Uh...THAT'S NOOOOOOOOT MY LAST NAAAAAAME!" Violence shouted, and caught Nigel on the face with an Chuck Norris-eqsue roundhouse kick that sent him flipping backwards. Nigel recovered and landed on his feet, pinning Violence to the ground.

"You're not supposed to actually kill me!" he hissed.

"Aw. Then what do you suggest we do?" said Violence, disappointedly.

"Just listen. I have a plan..."

[OOC: you do have a plan, right? ]

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(yes I do)

"Okay, you know the game lizard, spork, meat, right? Spork stabs meat, lizard repels spork, and what does meat to do to lizard?"

"I think I see. It maakes them explode." Violence whispered.

"No. Meat POISONS lizard. If we could ourselves on enough meat, we could poison the tribe leader and get out of here!"

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"That'd be great, except," Violence looked fornlornly down at his pockets. "I'm flat broke. Hey, why don't I pickpocket the lizards? I can do that now, y'know."

"Yeah, sure," Nigel said. "Pickpocket an entire stadium of angry lizard people who turned up to SEE US DIE."

"Yup! I just need you guys to create some distraction."

[violence's comment about how he can "do that now" is because they just recently added pickpocketing to KoL]

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Nigel had another idea.

He walked over to one of the lizardmen in the arena and punched him in the face. Nigel immediately backed out, so the lizardman punched another lizardmen who slapped a differnent lizardman who tackled two other lizardmen who trampled on a whole lotta different lizardmen.

Pretty soon a whole riot started, giving Violence perfect cdover to pickpocket one of the angry rioteers.

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...which is exactly what he did.

"Hey, vait," said one of the lizardmen. "Vhy are we using a currency zat is poisonous to us?"

"Er, I dunno," said Violence, who wasn't expecting this. "Better exchange rates?"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of zat," said the lizardman, who vanished in a puff of logic.

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The riot happened - oh, man, that thing definately happened. It was violent. The lizard women were smacking all of the lizard mechanics. The lizard chefs were burning the members of the Lizard Mafia(a rival to the penguin mafia) while Lizard Mafia members mafia'd the place up by whacking the Lizard Goat Trainers.

Nigel dodged some lizard ninjas and ran towards the arena gates when a fat and old gray lizardman armed with a spear stopped him in his tracks.

(BATTLETIME)

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The wizened old lizardman opened his mouth in surprise, giving Violence the perfect opportunity to fling a piece of Meat in it. He fell over writhing in pain, and turned an unhealthy shade of blue- well, an unhealthier shade of blue.

"C'mon, let's blow this joint." Nigel said.

"Er, are you suggesting we smoke something?" asked Violence, who was not entirely familiar with mobster lingo.

Nigel sighed. "It's an expression, V. It means HOLY CRAP LET'S GET OUT OF HERE THERE'S A HUGE MOB BEHIND US"

And so they did, where they were joined by Hal, who had escaped in the distraction. Outside, the streets were sparsely populated. Most of the lizardfolk were out watching the fight, no doubt.

The whole expanse of Lizardopolis...topia...ville stood before them.
"Well, where do we go from here?" Violence asked the narrorator. I mean, Nigel and Hal.

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"Well, the creepy Gypsy sent us to the Frigid Northlands to assassinate King Ralph. That motel was on the edge of the Kingdom, and now we're a little ways into the Northlands. The King should be at Frigid Northlandia or whatever they call the city. That is just out of this town and over Horrible Frozen Beast of Death Mountain." Nigel explained.

"Sounds nice." Hal observed.

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"Of course, there's the matter of the huge guard tower between here the rest of the Northlands." said Violence.

"Wait, can't we just walk around it?" asked Nigel. "It's not even that big..."

"Try it," said Violence.

Nigel did. As soon as he reaching the mountains, he was pushed back by an invisible wall.

"CURSE THESE RPGS!" he screamed. "I guess we'll have to fight our way through."

[BATTLETIME 2: ELECTIC BOOGALOO]

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"Hmmm..." Nigel observed the wall. "It looks like a spellcaster has been here..."

At the top of the tower, Indigo Jones and Fernswarthy's Ghost were sitting down. Six tower monsters - a maneating shrub, a pirate-ninja, a garden gnome, a horrible gelatinous blob, a magic carpet, and Frederick - were waiting by the door.

"Okay." Indigo spoke. "Those three probably just defeated the tribe of lizardmen and now they have to get through us to assassinate our customer. I dug up ol' Ferny here so he would aid us in our magic needs. He created all of you, and unless you want to be a dissappointment to your father, defeat those three."

"You will all be placed on seperate floors of this tower each with your own weakness obviously put in a corner of the room. Got it?" Fernswarthy coughed.

(okay, so read Indigo's words carefully. Apperantly "Ralph" is the one who hired him. I'll leave this plotline up to Violent Man.)

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[lol, frederick]

Violence flung open the tower door. Staring them in the face (well, at least it would be if it had eyes) was a man-eating shrub. It glared at them at gnashed its thorny teeth at the party.

"A man-eating plant?" Violence asked in disbelief. "Someone's big on low-budget monsters."

"Hey, I heard that!" Indigo's voice boomed above them. Meanwhile, the shrub lunged at Hal's head...

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...and swallowed him up whole.

"HALLIE-BOY!" Nigel cried.

The shrub then took Hal's form and started running around, kicking Violence and Nigel in the shins.

"As you can see, I can eat anything and then take thr shape of it. Y'know, like Kirby." The shrub spoke In Hal's voice except eviler.

"...hey, if we kill you right now will we kill Hal?" Nigel asked.

The shrub nodded.

"Get a soul-extractor and some hedgeclippers STAT, Violence! I'll fit this guy off!" Nigel ran for the shrub and punched it.

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"Where am I supposed to find THOSE?" Violence asked. Then he looked around. The two items in question were lying a corner, unguarded.

"Ah. That's convient." said Violence, snatching them up. The soul extractor looked like a backpack with a vaccum strapped to it. The hedgeclippers, on the other hand, looked exactly like what you'd expect hedgeclippers to look like.

Violence aimed the [s]Ghost-Vac[/s] at the shrub and fired. "GTFO HAL, YOU STUPID PLANT!" he yelled, and Hal was yanked violently out of the shrub, which stopped looking like a gnome and started looking more like a harmless plant.

"Right. Now we need to finish him off," said Violence, handing the clippers to Nigel and bravely running away.

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