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[OOC: Yeah. I just need to get the general plot estabishled, and then you guys can have all the wacky adventures you want, as long as they don't radically change anything. ]

The group of adventurers filed into the tiny opening, and into the Wrong Side of The Tracks. The place seemed pretty abandoned, Violence thought. Even the Goofballs Guy was missing, and that was a sure sign that something had gone wrong.

As they walked along, something in a gutter caught Nigel's eye. Upon further inspection, it turned out to be a dead body. Now, seeing a corpse in a gutter in the Wrong Side of The Tracks wasn't an uncommon thing, but something about this corpse seemed to be weird. Namely, it was getting up and talking.

"Oooh, my head," the not-quite dead body said. "Did they go away yet? Where's the rest of the Council? And why do I have an inexplicible urge for brains all of the sudden?"

DUN DUN DUNN!

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"AGH ZMOBIE!" Nigel screamed cowardly(or angrily/in the mood to kill something-ly) as he took out his axe.

(Whee. Did I mention that Nigel is deathly afraid of zmobies?)

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The zombie (or zmobie, as the case may be) curled up into a fetal position and whimpered. The sight of Nigel with an axe could do that to anyone.

"L-look, I'm not with the new king's goons!" he said. "J-just let me explain, okay! And get that penguin to put the axe down!"

"Fine. Stop it, Nigel." Violence said, pushing him away. "Fine, fine..." the mob penguin grumbled, wandering off.
"Now then, what's your story?"

"I'm part of the council, I'm telling you!" the zmobie said, relaxing a bit. "That stupid Rob convinced us that the new king would be a good idea...he didn't say anything about him coming with an army. Naturally, he had no need for a Council anymore, and gave us the boot. Or in my case, the sword, spear, blunt instrument, and several crossbow bolts."

He coughed slightly. "Anyway, what can I do for you lads?"

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Hal looked to see if anyone else was listening, and said, in a whisper:

"Got any Pineal Glands? Those things sell like hotcakes!"

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"Um...yeah, but you'd have to kill me to get them..." the zmobie said nervously, backing away from Hal.

"Look, anyway, the rest of the Council told me they were fleeing to the Mysterious Island...maybe you should check there. Now get out! The zmobieism should be kicking in right about n-ARGLEBLLBLBBL!" the zmobie fell to the floor cluctching his throat. When he got up, the light in his eyes had gone out, and he looked decidedly more pale and zmobie-like.

"Braaaaains," he moaned, but politely, because some mannerisms stay even after death.

"Oh crap, let's get out of here!" Violence yelled, and the adventureres ran for the gates.

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The adventurers ran except for Nigel, who not only feared the guy like the plague, but wanted to hack him up.

He took out his axe and...you know the rest.

As he ran back to his friends, drenched in zombie drool, he pocketed a pineal gland and said to himself "that's 1, Leo - 99 to go...."

(OOH MYSTERIOUS)

OOC: I think there's a reason we're going to the Mysterious Island, right? Something involving an anagram of raw, mayhaps?

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[OOC: oh poo chops, Noidy knows some of the plot. I forgot about that. I'll have to change it a bit.
Also, I like your whole mysterious thing. keep dat up.]

The adventurers started at Nigel awkwardly for a few moments.

"Er," Violence said, breaking the silence, "I guess he was telling the truth. Any of you lads have an idea of how to get a boat? I know a guy who knows a guy..."

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..."who dated that one guy's sister, right? Yawn, that's the most boring person I have ever met." Nigel said.

"And don't even think about telling me of the sister's friend who knows a guy who was a good pal to this one man who was married on cheated on his wife with her cousin who in turn cheated with his cousin who donated blood to this one doctor's blood reserve that was stolen by a vampire who bit this one old groggy fisherman that hangs out a pub in the Pair o' Docks drinking Crazy Locomotive all night long. I already know Starchy - nice guy."

(:p)

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[OOC: lol, pair o' docks]

"Uh, actually, I was thinking of Filthy Jim," Violence said. "The cousin of the guy who works at the fish market who got in a barfight with some dyslexic troll who knows a guy who almost got mugged by a guy who knows my brother."

Violence shrugged. "Or we could always try the Hermit, he's bound to have something."

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A strange looking man then pops up from a holoe in the ground.

"hey everybody!" he says. "it's that time again to choose someone elses fate! But first, let's meet our ragtag group of adventurers - a penguin, a very violent and angry young man, a gnome, and a mage of some sort! Wowee!"

"Anyways, where should they go, viewers? To the Goofballed Goat, a Docks pub, where they will meet Starchy? Or the alleyway where Filthy Jim currently resides? or maybe even - dare I say it - Old Man Ebeneeezer Roberto James Tonto Ellington Hermit's place, to meet Old Man Ebeneezer Roberto James Tonto Ellington Hermit!"

(lol, gameshow)

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Duecey, who had been strangely quiet until now, shouted "AAAH! NOT A GAMESHOW HOST! ANYTHING BUT A GAMESHOW HOST!" and fell to the ground whimpering.

Meanwhile, Violence seemed compeletly ignorant to the fact that a strange man in a cheap suit had just popped out of a hole beside him. "I guess seeing Starchy would be the best choice. The Pair O' Docks are a good ways away from Seaside Town, so we shouldn't be followed. We should hurry though, 'cos it's getting dark. No idea why I've never mentioned that until now."

[:p]

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"Sounds like a plagn!" said Hal. "But wait a mignute. I gotta...stock up..."

Hal ran quickly in the direction of Hagnk's Ancesteral Mini-store. He returned some time later, shining in a sea of Plexiglass.

"Okay, ready to go!" Hagnk said, as he ran towards the docks".

"Heh. White Wedgnesday my Gnomish butt..." he whispered to himself.

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OOC: Heh. Just a joke I wanted to throw in.

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( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

[OOC: Dude, your sig wins. ]

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"Uh, Hal, are you sure you've got the muscle to carry all that stuff?" Violence asked. "Sure, no prob-OH GNOES!" Hal slipped on a convientely placed dead rat and was buried in a mountain of plexiglass.

5 minutes and several cuts and scrapes later, Hal manged to extract himself from the pile of equipment. "I'm okay, I'm okay..." he mumbled, and the group continued on, towards the Pair O' Docks...
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[OOC: Sorry, but I needed to give you a downside to having all that plexiglass stuff. So Hal is really slow when he has all of it equipped.

Also, about the Pair O' Docks- it's about halfway between Seaside Town and the Big Mountains.It's a port where most of the new adventurers come from, to make a fortune in the Kingdom of Loathing. There are a lot of foregin shops, pubs, and shady dealings to had there. There's no goverment in the Pair O' Docks, so it's a haven for theives and muggers and whatnot.]

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[OOC: Yeah, I was gonna have him lose it in a fit of overly hillarious irony.]

As the group walked towards the Pair o' Docks, Violence noticed something about Hal's armour.

"Hal, you sure that's Plexiglass?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" he responded.

"It's just that there's a scratch here that looks a lot like Plexiglass paint."

"WHAT!?" Hal screamed, as he started ripping large chunks of Plexiglass paint of his equipment. "This isn't Plexiglass! This is Tin Foil!"

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[OOC: Yeah, sorry about controling you and stuff, but it was only a few lines of dialouge, so I didn't think it mattered all that much.]

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<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

[OOC: that's okay. as long as i don't do anything drastic, it's cool.]

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Finally, the group reached the gates to the Pair O' Docks. The huge banner above the gates was so covered in grafitti and bodily fluids that it was impossible to read, but it probably said something like "Welcome To The Pair O' Docks".

As the adventurers entered the main plaza, they heard someone drunkenly singing. Turning around, Violence noticed a half-orc clutching a bottle of Mad Train and rocking back and forth. When he saw the adventurers, he raised his head groggily and said, "Eeeey, mishta! Shpare some change for an old beggah?"

"Ew. A half-orc. Get out of my face!" Duecey said.

"Bah! I take offenshe to dat! I'ma one-an' three quarters-orc AND YEW KNOW IT!" he shouted at the adventurers and they left towards the pub.

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As the group wandered through the Pair O' Docks, they found that there were much more than one pairs of docks here. there was 67 docks, but, 42 through 56 were ruined, thus cutting off 57 through 67, where some guys once said a psycho murderer lives. However, it's just a bookstore on the other side. I checked.

Anyways, as they wandered on Dock 11, a gigantic shark came out of the waters and ate Violence. Then an angry fisherman who was inside the shark lept out and pushed Hal into the waters. Duecey then died because of chronic falling-into-an-angry-bum's-glass-bottle. A time machine was nearby, so Nigel got in it and traveled back in time to when the shark jumped up.

As the shark jumped, Nigel smacked it with his hand, knocking it and the fisherman back in and dead. Then he prevented Duecey from falling, so their grisly deaths never happened. But only, they did. But they didn't, because they were prevented. But they were alive, so it could not have happened.

Depsite the time paradox, the adventurers trenched on!

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Violence twitched. "Do you ever get the feeling that in another universe, you're being eaten alive by a shark?" The others looked at him blankly. "I guess not...anyway, I've got an...errand to do. Be right back." With that, Violence disappeared down an alley.

When he emerged a few minutes later, he was carrying an automatic crossbow and had two bandoliers of ammo slung over his shoulders. "Just some protection," he explained. "Trust, I've been to the Goofballed Goat before. You do NOT want to go in there unarmed."

A few more minutes of walking, and the Goofballed Goat stood before them. It was nothing but a shack with a sign nailed to it, and was lit up by one meager latern. The sign was a crude artist's depection of, indeed, a goat on goofballs.

Violence walked up to the big iron door. "Hal, you should do the talking here," he said. "Me and Nigel probably won't be...welcome 'round these parts." Pulling out a pair of heavy cloaks, he threw one to Nigel and put one on himself. "Not sure if you can really disguise a mob penguin with a cloak, but eh...it'll do."

With that, Hal walked up and rapped on the door. A panel slid open and a pair of eyes peered out. "Wha' d'you want?" they demanded.
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[this would be a good time to bluff or something]

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"Is Starchy around?" the Gnome said, in a layed back sort of way.

"What be you wantin' with Starchy?" replied the talking eyeballs.

"Um...GNOMISH MIND CONTROL!"

The eyeballs went blank for a minute.

"...There's no such thing as Gnomish Mind control, right?"

"Um...WATATATATATATATATAAAAAHHH!" Hal screamed as he kicked the eyeballs square between the...eyes...

"Oh! The Von Trap family!" The eye said. "Why didn't you say so! Come on in!"

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( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

[OOC: nice.]

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The big iron door swung open, revealing the inside of the pub. It was everything Violence expected it to be, but worse. In one corner, a drunken orc was playing a shanty on his accordion. Around the beer-stained tables there sat a number of nondescripit tough guys, as well as some sailors and even a few adventurers.

The pair of eyeballs, which belonged to a big troll in a cheap suit, nodded at the group as they walked in.

"Geez, what a crowd," Violence said from somewhere under his hood. "Any idea what this Starchy guy looks like, Nigel?"

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"There are actually six guys I know named Starchy 'round these parts." Nigel announced.

The nearby barkeep said "Nope, Starchy Crackermuffin passed off a few months ago."

"Really?" Nigel was shocked. "How'd he die?"

"You ever been to the Kingdom Badlands wearing a raggedy suit? Them vultures, y'see..."

As the barkeep rambled, Nigel walked alway and went over nearby a pool table.

"Hey, Starchy's! Gather round 'ere! My name is Kingston Prance, and I've got a job for ones of ya!" he said in a Queendom of Loving(complete British opposite) accent.

"Muh name's Starchy! What's it to ya?" A short guy who was drinking grog walked over.

"I'm Starchy too, duh-hey!" A big brawny guy playing pool.

"Me three, hosers." A confused looking lumberjack walked over.

"As am I!"

"Me too!"

"Also Starchy over heeeere!"

"Someone's selling starch? Where?"

From all the comotion, it looked like EVERYONE in this stupid pub was named Starchy.

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Meanwhile, in a high class restaurant in the Queendom called "The Perfectly Fine Puffin", a much better looking group of dopplegangers were in the restaurant, in disguise.

One of the men, pretending to dine there, called over a dwarf waiter.

"Ah, my good man, is the soup ready?" the man said.

"Ev'ry things going according to plan, Peace." the dwarf said. The two chuckled.

'"So, Dr. P, Mr. Bill should cooperate with us and bring us to the Kingdom?"

"Yes, my good man. In fact, they are having a gentleman's social with him right now!"

Up in the second floor, a small and meek Yeti disguised as a chef was approaching an old man. Another chef, seemingly normal, was behind him.

"Hello, guv-na!" the Yeti yelled.

"What do you want, stupid chef midget?" the old man asked.

"'Ere's the deal - either you hook us up with a class J yacht so we can reach the Kingdom of Loathing, or me an' my friend here will have to dump your body in the river." he announced, approaching the old man with a hatchet...

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In case you can't tell, they are dopplegangers from the Queendom, a rival country ruled by Queen Sara IVXIIV. Peace is the alternate of Violence, and the apparent leader of this formidible criminal operation. Dr. P is the equivilent of Hal - he's a dwarf doctor who knows many, many things and is useful. Duecey's equivilent is Chef Boyareyouannoying, a high-class criminal chef. And Nigel's counterpart is the midget Yeti named Kirk who may or may not be from a rival family. I thought it'd be an interesting subplot. If Homerun doesn't like that eventually there'd be these guys in, then he can just launch a nuke on the Queendom.

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[OOC: Ooh, I like it. It's kinda confusing to have two plots going on at once, though, so I might put that on hold until we find a way to the Mysterious Island.]
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"Now now, Nigel me boy, we aren't getting anywhere with this," said Violence, sidling up to the crowd of Starchies. "We need to try a more...subtle approach."

Violence pulled out his crossbow and fired, staking a Starchy's hat to the wall.

"We need a boat an' we need it now!" shouted Violence, master of subtlety.

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Meanwhile, an entire plot away, Peace was frustrated. He adjusted his monocle and looked at the piece of paper in his hands again.

"Oh dear..."

"Wha' is it, Mistah Peace?" rumbled the Yeti beside him.

"According to these calculations, we simply don't have the food and provisions to make it all the way to the Kingdom of Loathing!" Peace replied.

"Oh. So, uh...what's dat mean?" asked Kirk.

"It means, my good lad, we'll have make a stop on a nearby island..."
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[DUN DUN DUN. That's the last we'll hear of the Queenland for a while, I want to focus on our characters.]

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"Aye, no shootin' in me pub!" The Barkeep yelled as he took out a huge crossbow. A muscley bouncer nearby picked up a knife, and an old drunken orc was carrying a wide array of poolsticks.

"Bring it." Nigel said, not using his accent.

He jumped for the bouncer using a totally new weapon - a Gnoll nunchaku - a very rare weapon indeed. The bouncer was shocked, but still was plunging the blade over.

As the bouncer got close enough, he twisted the nunchaku and smacked the bouncer right in the face, stunning him. He then tied him up with it, and spun him off, out of the window, into the water where he's going to be eaten by a starving paradox shark.

(WOOT BARFIGHT)

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[WOOT INDEED]

There was an ominous click as the barkeep readied his huge crossbow, and fired a bolt about the size of a pool cue. Violence rolled out of the way as the bolt ripped through several tables and a Starchy. Staggering to his feet, Violence grabbed the closest thing at hand- a beer stein, which he glassed the barkeep across the face with. He went down like an elf after his 10th bottle of Mad Train.

Meanwhile, a handful of angry drunken orcs were cornering Hal and Duecey near the pool table, cues in hand...

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"My supersonic sonar radar will help me!" Hal said.

"...Wait, what did I just say!? GO MR. YAM HEAD, THE 5 POUND LEVATATING POTATO!"

Out of nowhere, a giant Clockwork Levetating Potato came in and flew in front of Hal. Although when the Gnomish Gnomads had rebuilt this particular potato (because they had the technology), they had neglected to keep the magical essence needed to keep it levetating.

So, the 5 pound Not-Levetating Potato sat there.

"OOH! A POTATO!" screamed the barkeep, as he ran over and swallowed the thing whole, before getting a sprocket caught in his throat and dying.

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[lol, inspector gadget]

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"Shame," Violence said. "He didn't even get to boil it, mash it, or stick it in a stew."

Meanwhile, oblivious to the impending potato threat, one of the drunken orcs broke a pool cue over Duecey's head!

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Duecey got 10 adventures of "Cue Ball" effect.

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Then, something *BUMP*ed the pool table.

"I have no idea what that was, but we've been in this ol' bar for DAYS!" said Hal.

_________________
<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

Yeah, where the crap is Duece? I'll PM him.

Also, SUPAR BONUS TIME! I drew the cast of the KoL RP, check it out:

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Hal whistled. A robot came into the ol' bar. Hal lifted up the head and snuck into the cockpit.

"Arrights, you's bums! I'ms A Robots, ands I needs informations on somes guys named Starchy whose can gets us bums to thats theres islands...s."

One brawler looked up at the Robot.

"Oh, you mean that Starchy! He's over in the corner there!" he said, pointing to an old Pastermancer.

"Thanks, yous." said the robot, as he quickly vomited out Hal

"Do you think we fooled them, Big Brother?" said the robot, in a significantly-less-gruff-and-not-so-mobster voice.

"You did good, Alphonse. You did good..." Hal said, as he patted what was evidently his younger brother.

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[OOC: Yeah, I like FMA. I had the idea that as Gnomish boys, over in the Gnomad camp, Hal and Hagnk made a Robot to be their younger brother. He'll show up occasionally, when the gang needs some extra muscle, or when Hagnk needs a Robot disguise. I guess he could also Transform into a truck, since I like Transformers also.

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<(* ) THRUSTER DUCK
( << )<~~~ WANTS
O O YOUR SOUL

[OOC: Lawl, I like it.]

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"So this is the Starchy everyone's talking about, eh?" said Violence, lifting the pastamancer up by his scruffy collar. "Yessir." he squeaked.

"Now then," Violence said. "I could always threaten you to give me and my chaps a ride, but I'm in enough trouble already. So, how much does it cost to get to the Mysterious Island?"

"500 Meat apice," said Starchy, greatly relived by the promise of money.

"Very well then," Violence said, handing him a large pouch full of meat. (stop sniggering) "That should pay for all of us."

"Great! Then we'll push off now. My boat's in Dock 4-" Starchy was interrupted as a huge fist punched through a window. Hauling himself up was the troll bouncer, sopping wet and covered in shark bites but still alive. He moaned something in Trollish and stomped after the adventurers.

"Oh crap, let's get out of here!" said Nigel, and the gang scrambled out of the pub.

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