Homestar Runner Wiki Forum :: View topic - If you have kids, what will you name them?

10 Good Reasons You May not Want to Have Kids

1) They are Noisy
I am not saying that all of them are, I wasn’t, but the fact is that most of them will be constantly mouthing off about something. They have questions coming out the butt every day, day after day. No single thing is too small to be worthy of comment, no problem too insignificant to whine about, and then there’s the nagging. They nag. You give in once and after that they never let up.

2) Social Responsibility
You are not supposed to leave them alone for extended periods of time according to law, so you have a commitment to always providing people for them to be with, and sometimes to be with them yourself. You have to watch them in stores, keep them in sight wherever you are, and you absolutely cannot be mean to them in public for fear of winding up before a judge. How your child behaves will reflect directly upon you and your character. They say one curse word and people assume that you speak in Two Live Crew lyrics.

3) They Are an Economic Drain
Food, clothes, school-supplies, tuition, school-projects, toys, fast-food, prescriptions, not to mention having to pay for a large enough living space for two adults plus however many of them those two adults choose to have. If you rent, then there is always the potential of them destroying/something that you will have to pay for.

4) You Have to Teach them Things
You may or may not have figured this out: They are born knowing nothing. A blank slate. This means that you have years, possibly decades before they have anything insightful or interesting to say. But still, you will be a bad parent if you don’t listen to them. You are obligated to listen to all kinds of nonsensical irrelevant crap, all kinds of worthless interests and recaps of the Hannah Montana marathon they had on TV last weekend. You are obligated to tell them about life, sex, how to spend money, hygiene, calculus etc.

5) The TV Shows and Books you will have to Endure
A big part of knowing nothing is poor taste. Taste is a product of experience and therefore there will be a considerable length of time before they like things that make sense. You are obligated to read stories to them unless you want them whining about it when they grow up, you are also obligated to surrender at least one of the TVs in your house to the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon for several hours each day.

6) Their Friends
If your kids are normal they will at some point make friends, which means that you will not only have their presence to endure, but an assortment of other people’s failures as well. They will, perhaps, invite them home, at which point you may have to feed these other children, and endure their noise.

7) Constant Illness
Kids, especially when small, are walking petri-dishes. Nothing guarantees repeated stomach-flus, colds, and assorted random illnesses like being in the presence of a small child for hours at a time. Have a co-worker who is always sniffling or running to the bathroom? They either have a cocaine problem or they have a small child.

8)They Attract the Ill-Will of Strangers
Nothing in the world will get you more dirty looks than a poorly trained child. For some reason whole segments of the American population either have not yet had children, or will never have children, these people will not be sympathetic to your plight. Children to them are mere annoying strangers being inflicted upon them by you.

9)Once they are Born you are Pretty much Stuck with them
Under normal circumstances anyway. You don’t get to give them back, you don’t get to pass them on to somebody else short of going to prison or dying. If they are ugly or stupid, you will have to endure them for a long time to come.

10) They are Ungrateful
Kids in America grow up with a sense of being entitled to good parenting, as if it were something they earned in a previous life and have now come to collect. No parent, however is good enough, and they usually cannot find it in themselves to see how much worse it could be. They feel entitled to your time, the contents of your wallet and the remote control. And what do they give back? Maybe you will get to see your grandkids every now and then, and maybe, just maybe, they will pick a good nursing home for you when you are too old to take care for yourself.

Author:	ChickenLeg [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:33 pm ]
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BlackWater wrote: Kid 1: Shoop Kid 2: da Kid 3: Woop They'll all look like this I doubt your kids will be able to shoot lazors. Unless they are [s]black[/s] recent African descent or summat.

Author:	Wesstarrunner [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:13 pm ]
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I'll name one Ezechiel and another Karl. And if I have a girl I'll name her Kelly, Suzy, I dunno...

Author:	Homerun Starrer [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:38 pm ]
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BlackWater wrote: Kid 1: Shoop Kid 2: da Kid 3: Woop They'll all look like this

Author:	Shippinator Mandy [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:45 pm ]
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Marshmallow Roast wrote: Shippinator Mandy wrote: Also, NO. Not Skyler. Dear lord no. That's a male name, dangit. palmface Any MALE child named Skyler would be tormented for their entire life. ...I KNOW a male child named Skyler. Jeez, what is it with you wanting to give girls male names? What's next? Naming a girl John?

Author:	The Noid [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:45 pm ]
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One thing I like is that nobody is thinking about what their respective spouse would say about these names. "Honey, I wanna name the kid after a computer" wouldn't go don't too well unless you marry some crazy Internet person or sumthin'. (just an example, no offense to Homeschool) also, Ezechiel? Karl? Just use the more common spellings. As said before, having a normal name spelled differently (Mikual for example in replacement for Micheal) makes a trip to Disney World a sad one.

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If you have kids, what will you name them? http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=12548	Page 5 of 9

Author:	Wesstarrunner [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:51 pm ]
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Karl is goes a long way back to me. The first Pokemon game I ever played I named my character Karl. And Ezechiel sounds like something an Amish would use, just in cased the kid wanted to be one. I could also name a boy Sue... (You'll never get the joke!!!)

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:56 pm ]
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And if I ever do decide to turn exotic and name my kids after inanimate objects, they'd be... For guys: Lampshade and Cowboy hat For teh girl: Recliner

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:
Shippinator Mandy wrote: buhubs wrote: And if I ever do decide to turn exotic and name my kids after inanimate objects, they'd be... For guys: Lampshade and Cowboy hat For teh girl: Recliner La-Z-Boy for a boy But how you get him to do the chores that you don't want to do? He'll take his name too literally, maybe.

Author:	Wesstarrunner [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 9:19 pm ]
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I know I would.

Author:	Marshmallow Roast [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:18 pm ]
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Shippinator Mandy wrote: Marshmallow Roast wrote: Shippinator Mandy wrote: Also, NO. Not Skyler. Dear lord no. That's a male name, dangit. palmface Any MALE child named Skyler would be tormented for their entire life. ...I KNOW a male child named Skyler. Jeez, what is it with you wanting to give girls male names? What's next? Naming a girl John? No, see, the difference between Skyler and John is that Skyler is an androgynous name like Jordan, while John is a male-only name like Harold. What is it with you insisting that names that are clearly acceptable for both genders are FOR MALES ONLY? Heck, Skyler sounds more feminine than masculine. Which is why I don't like it for guys. I can only imagine a guy named Skyler as being a member of a boy band.

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:38 pm ]
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Just agree to name your females Blender, kay? Case closed.

Author:	Chekt [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:40 pm ]
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This explains nicely why I don't want kids.

Author:	this-guy [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:41 pm ]
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buhubs wrote: Just agree to name your females Blender, kay? Brenda would make more sense. Some people could call her "Brender".

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:53 pm ]
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Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN.

Author:	this-guy [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:59 pm ]
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buhubs wrote: dead babies Something from GEOWeasel was put here I might name my kid Brenda if it's female or Eddie if it's male. But I'm not going to have two kids that are named Brenda and Eddie, respectively. ENOUGH WITH THE BILLY JOEL ALREADY Maybe Maureen, because my mom doesn't like that name (the one that she originally had, instead of Samantha. She'll get so cvffrq off. Heh.)

Author:	Ninti [ Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:39 am ]
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Mandy. Skylar and Jordan are fine for a girl. I know a female Skylar and a female Jordan.

Author:	Vitruvian Dude [ Mon Oct 08, 2007 4:14 am ]
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Skylar is a stupid name. Just throwin that out there.

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Author:	ramrod [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:
buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. It's fine. No screamers.

Author:	Chekt [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:
buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. The Article wrote: 10 Good Reasons You May not Want to Have Kids 1) They are Noisy I am not saying that all of them are, I wasn’t, but the fact is that most of them will be constantly mouthing off about something. They have questions coming out the butt every day, day after day. No single thing is too small to be worthy of comment, no problem too insignificant to whine about, and then there’s the nagging. They nag. You give in once and after that they never let up. 2) Social Responsibility You are not supposed to leave them alone for extended periods of time according to law, so you have a commitment to always providing people for them to be with, and sometimes to be with them yourself. You have to watch them in stores, keep them in sight wherever you are, and you absolutely cannot be mean to them in public for fear of winding up before a judge. How your child behaves will reflect directly upon you and your character. They say one curse word and people assume that you speak in Two Live Crew lyrics. 3) They Are an Economic Drain Food, clothes, school-supplies, tuition, school-projects, toys, fast-food, prescriptions, not to mention having to pay for a large enough living space for two adults plus however many of them those two adults choose to have. If you rent, then there is always the potential of them destroying/something that you will have to pay for. 4) You Have to Teach them Things You may or may not have figured this out: They are born knowing nothing. A blank slate. This means that you have years, possibly decades before they have anything insightful or interesting to say. But still, you will be a bad parent if you don’t listen to them. You are obligated to listen to all kinds of nonsensical irrelevant crap, all kinds of worthless interests and recaps of the Hannah Montana marathon they had on TV last weekend. You are obligated to tell them about life, sex, how to spend money, hygiene, calculus etc. 5) The TV Shows and Books you will have to Endure A big part of knowing nothing is poor taste. Taste is a product of experience and therefore there will be a considerable length of time before they like things that make sense. You are obligated to read stories to them unless you want them whining about it when they grow up, you are also obligated to surrender at least one of the TVs in your house to the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon for several hours each day. 6) Their Friends If your kids are normal they will at some point make friends, which means that you will not only have their presence to endure, but an assortment of other people’s failures as well. They will, perhaps, invite them home, at which point you may have to feed these other children, and endure their noise. 7) Constant Illness Kids, especially when small, are walking petri-dishes. Nothing guarantees repeated stomach-flus, colds, and assorted random illnesses like being in the presence of a small child for hours at a time. Have a co-worker who is always sniffling or running to the bathroom? They either have a cocaine problem or they have a small child. 8)They Attract the Ill-Will of Strangers Nothing in the world will get you more dirty looks than a poorly trained child. For some reason whole segments of the American population either have not yet had children, or will never have children, these people will not be sympathetic to your plight. Children to them are mere annoying strangers being inflicted upon them by you. 9)Once they are Born you are Pretty much Stuck with them Under normal circumstances anyway. You don’t get to give them back, you don’t get to pass them on to somebody else short of going to prison or dying. If they are ugly or stupid, you will have to endure them for a long time to come. 10) They are Ungrateful Kids in America grow up with a sense of being entitled to good parenting, as if it were something they earned in a previous life and have now come to collect. No parent, however is good enough, and they usually cannot find it in themselves to see how much worse it could be. They feel entitled to your time, the contents of your wallet and the remote control. And what do they give back? Maybe you will get to see your grandkids every now and then, and maybe, just maybe, they will pick a good nursing home for you when you are too old to take care for yourself.

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:
ramrod wrote: buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. It's fine. No screamers. Okay, phew. No dead babies then.

Author:	Chekt [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:09 pm ]
Post subject:
buhubs wrote: ramrod wrote: buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. It's fine. No screamers. Okay, phew. No dead babies then. (?) What made you think that it was something bad?

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Chekt wrote: buhubs wrote: ramrod wrote: buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. It's fine. No screamers. Okay, phew. No dead babies then. (?) What made you think that it was something bad? 1. My mind wanders too much, you have to see to believe some of the things I visualize. 2. Your statement made it seem like it was some overall dissapointment or disgust, summed up like a picture. Also, the URL, says dirtywriter But, my bad, can't always go around fearing URLs because of one very bad experience.

Author:	ed 'lim' smilde [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:44 pm ]
Post subject:
ramrod wrote: buhubs wrote: Chekt wrote: This explains nicely why I don't want kids. I clicked the link, but then I closed it for fear of what might pop out. NEVER. AGAIN. It's fine. No screamers. Happy 10,000! Again. Oh, and I'm not totally sure what to name my kids if I have any this post is not spam.

Author:	buhubs [ Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:53 pm ]
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ed 'lim' smilde wrote: Again.

Author:	Shippinator Mandy [ Mon Oct 08, 2007 4:43 am ]
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Marshmallow Roast wrote: Shippinator Mandy wrote: Jordan's a male name too. ...Yeah. I said it applied to both genders. And Skyler does, too. No, like, a MALE name. Not unisex.