Wow, thanks for the comments, really appreciated...
Anyways, here's the new issue, but don't expect me to be updating like this all the time, I just happen to have huge bits of free time this week.
For those of you who read that. here's another...
ISSUE G7-99: CONTROL OF THE SHIFTDear beloved computer,
My desk is blank without you.
Whenever I feel the deperate urge to suddenly search the web for the nastiest pornographic images, my mind forgets, and my heart is broken by seeing only the imprint you left in my home office.
Every night I go to sleep, I dream that you never left me, that I can go post in forums, poke on facebook, and google everything until there is nothing left of my screen viewing eyes.
Hallucinations surround me, the homepage flashes itself on and off in my eyes, whenever I talk to people, it always comes out as a chatting room.
I miss the dock, the speakers, and every single gear that represents you.
And instead of working on something really important, I write these notes to you, in hopes that we can fix the
URL (
Underlying yet
Remarkable
Love) of our relationship.
I would express my fondness in keys even.
Let me
help you
shift your
control.
Understand that my only
option is to
esc any
end for you and I.
Remove the
lock and not
delete our
F8 together.
I'll give you your
space but be not so far from
home.
Don't make me get another computer at the cursed circuit city!
Please download my forgiveness!
I know you'll just call me 'meatbag' again, but please let this poor mortal have his beloved computer with warranty back.
Depressed,
The one you have known as 'meatbag' and 'puny earthling' for all of your memory drive.
_______________________________
Dear idiot,
Here is a poem that I wrote with my own two fonts:
YOU DOUBLE CROSSING GEARHEAD! - By The Great Computer
Your heart is as tiny as this text.I never know what's coming next.Now that you've hurt my feelings, I don't know what to think.
With all the things you've done to me, you are one missing link.NOW THAT I'M SO BLUE!I don't know what to think of you.
Get Scrolled,
The Better-than-you-are computer.
_______________________________
Dearest C,
I wish I could write poetry like that.
Even though it's main purpose was to remind me of how I hurt your programmed feeling, I still adored it.
Listen babe, you are my stars, my moon, my everything of my desktop background.
Hopefully you can find it in your ports, your keyboard, your applications, your very guts protected by your hard grey shell exterior to open your compassion files and come back to me so we can once again, rock the world of Macs, dells, and Hewlett Packards by soaring above.
Play chess together, and beat me with your superior computer mind.
I'm only a mortal who was so foolish to partially leave you for some other system, but I hope that wherever you are, your Preferences are being fulfilled by your new owner.
You don't realize how much you need an appliance until it leaves you.
I just hope that you
http://www.takecare.com/ofyourself.
From the man whose eyes stay glued to the books,
P.E. (Puny Earthling or Physical Education...well, either one hated by most)
___________________________
I'm not even taking the time to say dear:
Meatbag,
I am having a wonderful time with family, staying in touch with many people, and not isolating myself to simply pixels on a screen like your breed of earth scum do.
Remember that Suburban father you scammed me off of? Well, I just
'return'ed to him, if you catch my drift, I am once more, his, and only his, I am having a very peaceful life with him, his wife, and his 2.5 children: Greta, Harold, and Mau-
OH WHO AM I KIDDING !?!?His kids stuff graham crackers in my disc drive, pour apple juice in my keys, and scribble curse words all over my screen, only to all be washed off by the wife's stingy, irritating detergent like chemicals, cleaning everything with haste.
She chats constantly with a jewish accent with her 'girlfriends' about how her husband is a monkey and her children eat like horses, simply all the more making me feel like I'm living in a zoo or a stable, or a weird combination of the two.
The
sunburned sub-burboun SUBURBAN FATHER has already replaced me with a fancy, shmancy, iMan, almost like the iMac but a little bit more masculine, which has more 'computer' in it than I do.
I didn't mean to 'Close Window' on our relationship so soon, maybe we could possibly work something out...between both of our systems.
Worried and stressed,
The Commanding computer
__________________________
I guess I don't have the heart to write 'dear' either:
Attention pile of disks and gears,
Regret breaking someone's heart and wanting them back because your life circumstances currently are so bad?
Welcome to my world, you jerk.
Don't like it? Well then,
MEGABYTE ME!Ha-Ha,
The Wonderful Earthling.
________________________
I regret opening my "Heart" drive and running my program.
"Whiteflagoftruce".exe
Now I truly see who is the white one.
Laugh all you want, my computer race will eventually defeat your race.
http://www.screwsomeone.com/meatbag_______________________
Okay, hopefully that lives up to the current standards.