Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Suggest something you want someone to make, but you don't have flash or are too lazy.

I want someone to update the H*R theme with the new models of the characters, props, and backrounds. And the extra bits from the DVD.

A safari on Mars. Expedition goes awry. Monsters everywhere. Rookie protagonist with a street smart girl at his side. Bold adventurer companion turns bad. DVD release will have unrated "love scenes" for money.

Chop chop

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you're wasting your talent on fanfics. seriously.

you should do hollywood.

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I'm just gonna quote my posts from the weird dreams thread.

^In this one, it was actually a country. (Bad word choice)

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Until the Off-Subject boards are here again, I won't be. Goodbye.

Go away.

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What did I do? I had a dream that would be a stupid movie, and I thought it would be interesting if someone made it.

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Until the Off-Subject boards are here again, I won't be. Goodbye.

Set in New York City, the fanfic opens with the explosion of a bomb in a busy department store. A call soon comes in to the precinct at which NYPD Lt. John McClane works; the caller, who identifies himself only as "Simon," takes credit for the blast and demands that McClane, who has been suspended, play a game of "Simon Says." In order to keep Simon from setting off any more bombs for the moment, McClane must walk through Harlem, wearing a sandwich board that reads "I HATE BLACK PEOPLE." Only the intervention of shopkeeper Zeus Carver saves him from being beaten up by the outraged locals.

Once McClane and Carver are safely back at the precinct, Simon calls again and tells them that they must now both play his game. They have 15 minutes to reach a particular street-corner pay phone, where he calls and reads them the "As I Was Going to St Ives" riddle. They have 30 seconds to call back with the answer, but are 10 seconds late doing so; however, Simon tells them that there was no bomb this time.

Their next assignment is to get to a phone at the Wall Street subway station within 30 minutes. McClane avoids the heavy traffic by driving through Central Park and behind an ambulance, then climbs down through a street grating and onto the approaching train. He finds Simon’s bomb inside and throws it out the window as Zeus reaches the phone. This time, Simon calls to tell him that McClane's absence is a breach of the rules; the bomb goes off, demolishing much of the station.

McClane and Carver now meet with McClane’s superiors and several FBI agents, who have been analyzing Simon’s phone calls. They have discovered that his full name is Simon Peter Gruber and that he is the brother of Hans Gruber, whom McClane let fall to his death in Die Hard. The theory is that Simon is out to avenge Hans by killing McClane.

Simon’s next call informs the group that a large bomb has been planted in one of the city’s public schools, and it will be detonated when class is dismissed for the day. The police are warned not to evacuate any schools or use their radios, leading to citywide chaos as they begin a frantic search for the bomb.

McClane and Carver are directed to Tompkins Square Park, where they find a bomb set on a five-minute timer. In order to disarm it, they must use two jugs (three and five gallons) to measure out exactly four gallons of water. After they do so, Simon calls with a new riddle: "What is 21 out of 42?" He suggests that they pay a visit to Yankee Stadium; instead, they head for the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. McClane has an idea of the bomber’s true plan – to distract the city’s police and emergency crews long enough to rob the bank’s massive gold depository.

Simon and his men have in fact done exactly that, killing the security personnel and driving the bullion away through an aqueduct in a convoy of dump trucks. McClane and Carver find the aftermath of the robbery, and McClane tries to follow the gang as Carver goes to Yankee Stadium by himself. Inside the aqueduct, McClane is nearly drowned when the gang blows up an underground dam. The force of the water launches him back up to ground level and right in front of Carver, who found nothing at the stadium but was nearly shot and killed by a sniper.

As the final school bell approaches, McClane deduces that Simon and his men are going to put the gold on a ship and sail it out of the country. The "21 out of 42" riddle becomes clear: the 21st President of the United States (out of the 42 who had served as of the time this film was made). The answer is Chester A. Arthur, the name of the school where the bomb has been planted.

McClane and Carver find Simon’s ship and sneak on board but are soon captured. In the school’s kitchen, the police find the bomb hidden in a refrigerator; however, it proves to be a harmless mockup meant as a further distraction. The two heroes are handcuffed back to back next to the real bomb and left there by Simon, who has double-crossed his employer and had him killed. The original plan was to blow up the stolen bullion and destabilize much of the world’s economy, but Simon has sneaked the gold off the ship to keep it for himself. Based on what he knows of Hans Gruber, McClane reasons this out as the clock counts down.

Freeing themselves and jumping overboard seconds before the bomb detonates, McClane and Carver are soon rescued by the police. While trying to call his estranged wife, McClane realizes (through a label on a bottle of aspirin left by Simon) that the gang has fled to Quebec. He, Carver, and the the Royal Canadian Mounted Police reach the area and raid the hideout before the gang can escape, but Simon starts to fly away in a helicopter. McClane shoots out an overhead power line, causing Simon to be electrocuted when the severed wires fall on the blades.

The fanfic ends as McClane is trying to put another call through to his wife.

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Jesus Christ, Noid...

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hint: it's a wikipedia summary

If you think that's bad you should have seen the time I copied the entire Dwight Eisenhower page for the "Explain your av and sig" thread.

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I know, but still, damn...

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