Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Grape Nuts. Have you ever tried eating this stuff? Why not just walk out to the drive way and get yourself a big mouthful of gravel? The only thing Grape Nuts is good for is making robots. (Insert Speak and Spell voice) "Come back Ali, come back Ali's sister!"

Mountain Dew. MMM-mmm! Concentrated sugar water with extra caffeine, please. Who needs cocaine when there's good ol' Mountain Dew? Just one sip, and you'll be running around like Speedy Gonzoles for the rest of the freaking day! Now try new Mountain Dew Lite, with the caffeine of only eight cups of dark roast coffee instead of sixteen.

[Accent=Irish]Frosted Lucky Charms. The delightful cereal that's only 99.44% marshmallows. In fact, if we put any more freaking marshmallows in it, the FDA won't let us call it a cereal anymore. Besides, we've already got marshmallows for just about everything but the freaking kitchen sink. (Kitchen sink? That gives me an idea...)[/accent]

You get the idea, now GET TO WORK AND MAKE YOUR OWN STUPID PRODUCT RANTS!

* For humor purposes only.

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Aah. Three Products that England does not have, and will never have. We also do not have:

Baja, PeanutButterCups, Icees, Subway (Sandwiches), Butterfingers, Taco Bell, Animal Forest for Gamecube, Baseball, release dates for films or games that are not months behind Japan and the USA and so much more.

That's basically a rant of what we do not have. That I know of. Also, basically none of the candy bars in the Trick Or Treat thing in H*R.com. We DO however, have Bounty, the chocolate bar with a flaky cocnut centre. For that, I am grateful. Well, anything else, I either have not heard of, or I'm not bothered about. We do have a lot of American stuff, like Pizza Hut and A few Nestle products, but the top things are things that I want.
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Move sig, move sig, move sig, move sig. For great justice take off every sig. Move sig, move sig, move sig. You know what you doing take off every sig.

Fruity and/or Cocoa Pebbles. What the heck is up with Barney Rubble? He keeps trying to steal Fred's cereal. With all the money he spends on gadgets and costumes, why doesn't he just take his lazy butt to the grocery store and buy some of his own? It's got to be easier than dressing up like a mermaid (actually, come to think of it, I think Barney just likes dressing up like that--he better hope Betty doesn't find out).

The same goes for that stupid Trix Rabbit. He could have already been to the grocery store and back home in the time it takes him to concoct his idiotic plans. Maybe if a crazy duck dropped a couple of anvils on his head, he'd come to his senses and realize that rabbits eat carrots, not breakfast cereal.

And what about Kool-Aid? All that dude ever does is wander around causing massive property damage from all the holes he's constantly knocking in walls, just so he can give sugary drinks to some whiney brats that are too uppity to drink tap water and too lazy to get it themselves. I wander what he does about all those bricks falling inside that pitcher head of his? Well, they better not end up in MY drink.

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You just described every caffeinated soft drink. What makes Mountain Dew worse than any other?

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moutain dew has extra.me when i drink it

Mountain Dew used to have like twice the caffeine of other sodas. I used to be addicted to the stuff. I'd drink it, and you could actually hear "Popeye the Sailor Man" playing in the background. Then someone pointed out that it might be causing hyperglycemia, so I gave it up.

Actually, I just checked the current caffeine content, and its down from 80 to 55. So caffeine wise, it's not as bad as it used to be.

Haven't you ever wandered why Mountain Dew commercials always show very active people?

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ROTFLMAO!

Oh man, that was hilarious!

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Read about the invented mistakes of people who never lived.

I just bought an air conditioner today....

Man was that cardboard box hard to open!

It must've taken me thirteen moments! To open it!

What a pain in the Behind!

Too much, glue.

If I am allowed to speculate.

Am I not allowed to speculate?

Well, I never!

Ok... those stickers that girls put all over crap in school that usually say stuff along the lines of "I would talk to you, but then I might catch your stupid"... these chicks, I could swear they have $80 worth of unfunny stickers all over their school supplies...

And infomercials, they claim their product beats everything else. Maybe if we gave the Miracle Juicer and the Perfect Blender a knife and had them duke it out we'd see, but we all know that its just a bunch of bs.

And Tobacco companies... Im not even getting started on those buttwipes

I agree with the whole Tobacco issue, Megaproto. No offense to anyone who does smoke with pride, but it does sound pretty shameful for tobacco companies to promote a product that might kill the consumer.
Sure, it's your own choice if you do smoke. Maybe you want to fit in socially, or want to look rebellious. I wouldn't smoke, though. For a few reasons.

1. Health reasons. Don't want to sound like a professor, but there you go.
2. The government receives a whole lot of money thanks to tobacco sellings. I don't trust my government a whole lot, so I try to stay clear of this.
3. I feel that I don't *need* to smoke to fit in, or to be social. And frankly, I don't see how smoking should make you a "better" person.

And the main reason...

4. It's been proven that smoking causes impotance.

But that's just my view. I respect anyone else that has a different opinion, because you shouldn't have to have just one opinion on something.

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Move sig, move sig, move sig, move sig. For great justice take off every sig. Move sig, move sig, move sig. You know what you doing take off every sig.

I just love those commercials on TV where they try to sell some obscure singer's records. "Hillbilly Bob's Greatest Hits: He even sold more records than Elvis and the Beatles combined!" If that's true then how come I never heard of them? What, did some insane genius buy all their records in a failed plot to take over the world?

I've got it! I'll use horrible music to take over the world!

Then there's that one Ginsu commercial where the guy tries to kick a watermelon. Just what the heck does kicking a watermelon have to do with knives? This isn't freaking Gallagher, you know. And they show the Ginsus cutting just about everything, including the kitchen sink. "Just look at this Ginsu knife power its way through this Titanium steel plating!" What are these things, like miniature light sabers or something?

"And that's not all! We'll throw in this Bamboo Steamer! Why? Because food cooked any other way than Bamboo Steaming totally sucks!" Riiight! I'll just go tell my Mom, "Mom, your chicken caserole totally sucks because it wasn't Bamboo Steamed."

Then there's that 80-year old dude and his Miracle Juicer. According to him, the stomach is not designed to digest solid food at all. What they don't tell you is that he's only 43, and his age comes from not eating a balanced diet. Here's some advice: "Take your Miracle Juice-drinking self over to the Mickey D's and get yourself some SOLID FOOD, Dude."

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By now you've all heard about the overweight people who have a lawsuit against McDonald's, claiming that the ol' Meat Clown made them fat. Well, here's what I have to say about that: "Get up off your lazy oversized rear* and walk the extra two blocks to the Subway store!" Come on? Common sense ought to tell you that a diet of fried meat and fried potatoes washed down with concentrated sugar water or semi-frozen dairy fat is just asking for trouble. What, you want a warning label or something? Why don't you try this: A BATHROOM SCALE!

* This remark is intended for those who blame their obesity on restaurants rather than take responsibility for their own behaviors. No offense intended toward people with real medical problems or other non-McDonald's obesity issues.

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Actually, I don't entirely agree. If you smoke in private, then you're destroying your own body and surroundings, and that's your choice. But smoking outside is a disgusting habit. People die of passive smoking, and no one wants to go near anyone puffing out horrible-smelling smoke. I'm still eagerly awaiting the day when smoking in public is banned.

Hey, I have a product that I dislike...

This freakin' Pentium III HP computer that keeps crashing on me!

I think I need a new battery.

Smoking is very addictive and you should put only air into those beautiful lungs of yours.

The Meat Clown also is very addictive. Especially when you put the french fries into those beautiful, beautiful lungs.

And your lungs don't even want to mention Mountain Dew.

Hate to do this, hoss, but I disagree...My parents smoked my entire life, in their own house, where they "only destroy their own body and surroundings", and that was a big contributer to me developing asthma. Because of this, I'm probably gonna be discharged from the military. I think if you have kids you should think about them more than yourselves and just give smokin' up.

That's not entirely accurate. While second-hand smoke does do some damage, there is not a single proven case that second-hand smoke was the cause of death for anyone, ever.

It seems the jury is still out on that one. (And as an aside, check out the list of chemicals on that page too. I find that pretty interesting.)

Ok...cigarettes..."those things awe bad fow you".

Oh, and whoever mentioned those girlie stickers...the best one I ever saw was made to look like the Toys R Us logo, but it said "Boys R Toys". :20x6:

As for my product rant, I'd like to take this time to tell all of you that I have nearly abandoned the US on more than one occasion, because Canada has Smarties and you don't. I'm not talking about those wimpy sugar cheap-as-free candies everyone hands out at Halloween...Canadian Smarties (actually, you can find them in other countries - I found them in Mexico, my sister found them in England) are chocolate candies, kind of like M&M's, only way better! My best friend from Canada actually sent me some Smarties one year for Christmas cause I missed them so much, and any time someone comes to visit me or other members of my family from Canada, all we ask them to do is bring Smarties!!!!

Ah....I feel better....but hungry....*rustles off, foraging for food*

***This was not meant to sound like I'm slamming the US...I love it here...I'm half American...no American bashing here!***

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Y'know, you can order them online pretty cheap:

http://froogle.google.com/froogle?q=nestle+smarties

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If they were smoking while you were present, they weren't smoking in private. My definition of private smoking is smoking so that no one else will be affected - so, in their own room, for example, or if they have a house all to themselves, in their own house. Looks like you and I are on the same page.

Holy Crap! There is a God! And He likes me! And He wants me to have Smarties!

And to further contribute to the smoking discussion...forget health problems - your own, or others' - what about how much those freaking things cost? It's ridiculous! If nothing else, people should stop smoking to save money!

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You know there's a suburb of St. Louis called Marlborough. Everybody in the whole freaking town is a Cigarette-Smoking Cowboy. Nothing but ten-gallon hats, horses, six-shooters, and, of course, cigarettes. I figure in about 20 years, the whole town will die of lung cancer, including the horses.

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A ginsu each?

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Y'all ever get Jolt? It doesn't taste very good, but everything gets a little blurry 'cause it goes by so fast.

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Yeah, and I want Cherry Pez! There's "Pez America" and "Pez international" which don't make the same stuff! Ours is like "Lemon Pledge Flavor," and my friends went to Turkey and got Cherry Pez! Oh, and don't get me started on why we don't have cherry juice in the U.S.!

If you meet me in person, I'll give you my full whollop on smoking. But for now, consider this... a smoking section that only allows pipes and expensive cigars. I mean, some people kill themselves with delicious red meat, some with fun skydiving, and others with other indulgences that had SOME redeeming quality, even if it was as ephemeral as "it was fun for a few minutes." Cigarettes are just nasty. I mean, downright nasty. Oh, except Camels. No, I'm just kidding, they're just as cheap and nasty as all the rest. If you're going to kill yourself, hurt your family, annoy your friends, and ruin the resale value of EVERYTHING you own, at least have a GOOD bit of tobacco.

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You just made me seriously nauseous. How 'bout let's not consider that and just admit that they're all nasty, hmm? Eugh. I'm glad it's not lunchtime.



Jolt Cola is okay. But have you ever had any of their other flavors? They have a lemon-lime sorta flavor and a grape-ish sorta flavor. Not terribly tasty.

Bawls is pretty good stuff. About 45% more caffeine than Mt. Dew, 10% more than Jolt, and it sure tastes better than Jolt. I wish I had some specialty stores around here where I could get my hands on some Afri-Cola or Cricket Cola.

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Well, yes, there's some small-circulation colas like the Whoop-"Donkey" my buddy bought on the internet that you can "open a can of." I use the euphemism here because I operate a PhpBB of my own and know that swears are replaced automatically by the program. But if you want to "open up a can of Whoop-...." then you actually can. And it's pretty much sugar and caffene.

Like I said, if you ever meet me in person, I'd be willing to let you know what I really think of smoking. But I can't use those kinds of words in mixed company.

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Actually, you're wrong. Bawls has the same amount of caffeine as your average cup of tea or coffee, which is 80mg. It's just that they use Guarana, which is a berry with a naturally occuring source of caffeine, which just happens to be about 2.5 times more potent.

Okay, Gemini, let's double-check my math together. 12 oz. of Mt. Dew has 55mg of caffeine. 12 oz. of Bawls has 80mg of caffeine, at least according to the literature on their corporate web site ("BAWLS Guarana has 80mg of caffeine per 12 oz."). Still with me? Now let's write down the equation:

55mg * x = 80mg

Now solve for x...

x = 1.4545...

So, in plain English, the amount of caffeine in Bawls Guarana is equal to the amount of caffeine in Mt. Dew times ~1.45 or 145%. In other words, Bawls has 45% more caffeine than Mt. Dew. But I think I already said that.

Now I'm going to leave the Jolt comparison as an exercise to the reader, but to get you started, Jolt Cola has 72mg of caffeine in every 12 oz., and Bawls still has 80mg.

You can use the space below to work it out. Please show your work.

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72mg * x = 80mg

80/72 = 1.1111111111111111111111111111111

x = 1.111

So that would mean that the amount of caffeine in Bawls Guarana is equal to the amount of caffeine in Jolt times ~1.11 or 111%. Therefore, Bawls has 11% more caffeine than Jolt. But I think InterruptorJones already said that.

Math = Fun


The WikiPedia pages on coffee (as a drink) and Caffeine say that a 5 oz. cup of coffee has anywhere from 75 to 250 mg. of caffine in it. So a 12 oz. of coffee would have anywhere from 106.25 to 354.17 mg of caffine in it. Wow. And feel free to check my math...