Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Naming Strong Bad, a character from the cartoon and game site Homestarrunner.com, among the sexiest men living may require a flexible understanding of the word "living" -- and, for that matter, a flexible understanding of the word "man." The animated Adonis is fictional, and though he's definitely male, we're not totally sure he's human. But factor in his gravelly voice, wicked wit and perpetual shirtlessness, and it's clear that Strong Bad is indeed real, real hot.

Strong Bad's primary gig at Homestarrunner.com is answering reader e-mail, which he's been doing since 2001. Readers turn to him for answers to their burning questions, which range from the pedestrian ("I was wondering if you could give me some ideas for my new Web site") to matters of life and death ("Dear Mr. Bad, How do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there some kind of IQ test?"). Each new Strong Bad e-mail is presented in its own animated video clip; Strong Bad recites each incoming message -- exaggerating any errors in punctuation, spelling and grammar along the way -- and reads his answer aloud as he types it. For some responses, he moves away from his computer and into the magical world of Strong Badia, where he carouses with the other offbeat inhabitants of the Homestar Runner universe. It's a pretty simple format, but Strong Bad's literal yet loopy humor makes it sublime.

Here's Strong Bad on how to attract ladies: "You've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad. Take off your shirt, sand off your nipples, and wear tight pants that accentuate all your suppleties." On what to name your band: "The easiest way is to, you know, just have a really cool last name and use that. You know, like, Van Halen, or Dokken, or to a lesser extent, Z'Nuff." He also gives great guidance on distinctive fraternity party themes: "I think you guys should throw a 'FRAT PARTY' And you could all come in baseball hats from the college that you go to. And khaki pants with a tucked-in T-shirt from the party that you threw last month. And at some point get the guy with kinda long hair to whip out his acoustic guitar and play everybody some white blues."

Strong Bad is no overperfect Prince Valiant -- he's vengeful and self-congratulatory, and his primary interests are death metal, hair metal and skirt-chasing. He bullies his nemesis, the affable doofus and site namesake Homestar Runner, and his own younger brother, downcast emo-boy Strong Sad. But Strong Bad is also appealingly fallible: Most of his moneymaking and lady-catching schemes backfire, and though he's been around this great, big Internet of ours a few times, he's beset with technical problems. His computers age and break, his printers are always running out of ink, and the title tag on the Strong Bad e-mail archive reads "Denny's Menu." It's very relatable.

Plus, he's handsome -- at least, we think he is. His trademark lucha libre mask covers most of his head, but it can't obscure the manic glow of his neon-green eyes, or the expressiveness of his rectangular mouth. Even Strong Bad's mask has its own allure -- it has mystical forces that can open beer bottles, making it handsome in a Bud Light sort of way.

In the end, description doesn't really do the guy justice. For the full experience, dust off your Flash player, head over to the Strong Bad e-mail archive and check out all his majesty. Our favorites? The e-mails titled "dragon," "Trevor the vampire" and "sugarbob." And "mini-golf." And "English paper." And...

Enough with the pointless "also, strawberries", Sporkyman.

Strong Bad isn't sexy. He's cute, in a cartoon character kind of way.